Anyone following my posts will see that about 3 weeks after the A ended, things began looking up for me. I had told my W months ago when she warned me that her passion for me was gone that we continue to be best friends. We had fun together, we laughed, we had common interests and confided all with each other. I asked her if it was so bad living the rest of her life with her best friend. She never really liked that question and after the A began, and I found out, I again asked her. She again doubted that would suffice. During the A, she was completely miserable aside from the emotional highs. She looked to me to rescue her from her foolish decision as she had no strength to break it on her own. I did succeed and she truly viewed me as a savior of sorts. Soon after she resolved to be satisfied to live the rest of her life with her best friend - me. With much effort on my side, she was soon able to begin accepting the love units I had been sending her. She soon began to feel love for me returning and things have been very good for weeks now.

Problem – my enemy has returned. Not the OM, but the enemy of “real life” that despite my efforts I could not meet all of my wife’s needs. Now that the A has occurred, my motivation has greatly increased and I have learned much here at MB so I am in better shape to face my enemy. While we still spend much time together and talk on the phone often during the day, both of our jobs have hit a periodic demanding time and we both arrive home late. There is nothing either of us can do except ride it out. I think for me it will last about 3 more weeks and probably the same for her. I am just writing out of frustration because I already am picking up a slowing or even a stalling in progress. I took her out both Friday and Saturday this last weekend to make up for this, and I wake up early as possible to get the most minutes with her in the morning. Her mornings keep getting earlier. I love her so much and have such hopes of reaching new highs. For now I must use every effort to maintain the progress made. Anyway, not really soliciting any advice. Just a sympathetic ear. Thanks.

sad, truly, it's impossible to live the rest of your life in a 'high' period, yes? So set your sights on something...stronger. True emotion. True belief that what you have together is strong enough to be what others aspire to.

I think if you just conscientiously - together - make an effort to keep taking an honest look at your life together, you will find reasons to be grateful you found each other.

And put a little extra effort into finding ways to strengthen your bond. I'm really creative when it comes to such stuff, so if you want suggestions, I'm full of 'em!

I guess the word high seems a little shallow. I guess I became addicted to highs. During the A I told my confidant that the highs were so high and the lows were so low. I don't think I have an unrealistic expectation though. I do view the lows and flats of life as an opportunity to take a breather and then go back for more.

We have such a strong relationship. Even through the A, she knew I was there. What a oddity to be your WS's counselor and best true friend even when she is involved in something like this.

I'm pretty creative, but I'm open to ideas. What kind of things could I do during an evening at home to strengthen our bond and help her feel a noticeable spark between us? Most nights I have about 2-3 hours with her after dinner. Lately a bit less.

sbs, do you have Fall in Love, Stay in Love by Dr Harley? Have you considered going to a MB weekend?

Mel has suggested a great book for both of you to read.

Please let me add one factor.

See it is that a brain chemical called PEA for short, is the driving force behind the "Highs," otherwise known as "Infatuations." Do a bit of research and you will see. The problem is that PEA eventually dies out, it just stops being produced. Oh, it can hit again for short periods of time, which is why you don't want to go alone to your high school reunion.

There is also the concept of "Vintage" love, which is produced by many years of being mated and working at it. Google it.

Both you and your wife must understand that in the real world of grownups, PEA highs wax and wane. PEA is like meth. And PEA based affairs are disasters for everyone involved.

Who needs it?

Larry

I don't have that book, but I will check into it.

Larry, interesting points on PEA and vintage love. I firmly believe that my FWS and I have had a strong vintage love for years and that was never in doubt from either side. She went to a psychologist during her A and was asked how she viewed the potential of life without me. She answered that she could not imagine it and would probably call me every day and rush to my side if I was ever in need.

Even during the A we took a vacation and had a great time together. Sure there were problems and she kept alluding to the problems in our M. Most of the time, we just enjoyed being with each other. SF was very lackluster for the setting we were in. That one tipped me off, but of course the alarm bells had been going off long before the A started. I was working hard to reconnect but did not know MB principles and other things I have learned since and was kind of floundering. She told me later she saw how I was trying, but she felt it was too late. I learned that before during and shortly after the A that she was hyper-analyzing everything right after I did it to see if it made a difference in her feelings. I told her that approach was not going to work. It's like the commercial where the guy jogs a few hundred feet and gets on the scale thinking there will be an immediate payoff. She listened and love has been creeping back in.

I'll check more into this PEA, because yes I do fear a subsiding of the highs and want to make sure that her reasons for staying with me are more substantial than that. Our relationship has always been strong, but I think a large number of factors temporarily (I hope) caused her to value the feelings of infatuation more than the things of real value.

I could come up with more, but out of time. Here are some ideas:
Read a book together
Take turns picking out a movie to watch
learn to knit or crochet together or do some other craft together (my H likes the hook rugs)
Bring out the board games, at least once a week
Start a solitaire club with some neighbors or friends, play solitaire against each other one night a week or month
Start gardening together
Grow herbs/vegetables/fruits
Take walks
Start a sport together; take classes at a community college, such as racquetball or volleyball
Get bikes and start riding bikes together
Sign up for an MS 150 and train for the bike ride all year
Plan some day trips, start taking one every month
Try out one new restaurant every week, take turns choosing and surprising the other with it
Go to bookstore and get a book like “52 great invitations to sex” in which you both have 26 invitations for a special evening to invite the other one, and you set it up, give the other the invitation (included in book) and then put on the evening
Join an online gaming community together (but don’t get addicted!)
Buy a Wii or Guitar Hero and play together
Give each other foot rubs
Take massage class together and practice giving each other massages
Go back to school together
Get a pet, take it to obedience school and learn to train it (if applicable)
Join a neighborhood dinner club or other club
Volunteer together
Join a church or get more involved in your church
Take a cooking class together and take turns cooking for each other
Go to HGTV.com and pick out a project to do for your house together
Take free classes at Home Depot on how to fix something at your house
Start a business together
Organize a block party
Organize a family reunion
Start working with a financial planner or learn about stocks together
Take dancing lessons together; if you like it, start entering in competitions

Very good ideas. Some I already do. Some I said "nah", but most others look interesting. Many very practical for weeknight evenings. I do pretty well for weekends, but the weeknights I needed a little help with.