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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions At what pt does snooping become self-destructive?

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Re: At what pt does snooping become self-destructi Hearts_ache #2054792 05/09/08 11:12 AM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by Hearts_ache 2Lives: You have received the best advice here, and so much support. You're gonna need it for this "battle". I am at the crossroads myself as to whether or not to continue snooping. MC says it's destructive and I am too obsessed. H still hasn't given me alot of details and the only way to get the answers has been by going online and investigating. heartache, your MC is wrong about that. The only time it is destructive is if you ALREADY know the facts and your WS is an active affair. But if you don't have the facts, which you don't, snooping provides valuable details that will help you fight the affair. That can't possibly be characterized as "destructive." In order for you to recover, you need to know ALL THE FACTS, EVERY FACT, so there are no secrets between the OW and your H to which you are not privy. If your MC does not tell you this, she doesn't know what she is doing. And most do not, unfortunately. Your H should give you ALL the facts to your satisfaction. And of course you are "obsessed" with it. It would be silly to imagine you could be otherwise. When a person is dealt such a devastating BLOW they will be obsessed. It is part of a normal recovery. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: At what pt does snooping become self-destructi Hearts_ache #2054794 05/09/08 11:14 AM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	also, snooping will help you restore TRUST in your husband. You can verify his actions independently this way. You know you can't trust his word, so independent verification will help you grow to trust him again. Snooping helped me recover in an HUGE WAY. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: At what pt does snooping become self-destructi krusht #2055109 05/09/08 08:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 27 H heartbreak Member
heartbreak Member H Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 27	I can understand how snooping gets you down but don't you want to know the truth? There are so many lies so how can you tell what is the truth and what is a lie unless you find out for yourself. I have snooped on the advice of my pastor. He was dead on. My H told me he was not going to contact OW anymore and wanted our marriage to work. I found a pre paid cell phone with her name and number in it. It was bought 2 days prior to making a commitment to me and was used for that whole week until I found it. Recently, I found a love letter and paycheck he said he didn't have. I'm heading to plan B and possibly D. The lies have continued. You are doing nothing wrong. You need to look out for yourself and your children. Hang in there. Heartbreak Me- BW, 42 Him - WS41 D-Day 1/10/08 DD 12 and DS 16

Re: At what pt does snooping become self-destructi heartbreak #2055113 05/09/08 08:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by heartbreak I can understand how snooping gets you down but don't you want to know the truth? There are so many lies so how can you tell what is the truth and what is a lie unless you find out for yourself. Exactamundo! "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

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