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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6 |
When my husband and I met we were very young....he was 17. He had never been with anyone else and still hasn't. But now he is feeling like he wasn't ready for a commitment. He feels that he met the right person to early and didn't have time to experience other women. So now he is wanting somewhat of an open relationship. I just want to know if this feeling is normal for other guys? And also I would just like some advice on how to handle this. Thanks.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a wonderful place to be under the circumstances.
How long have you been married? Often folks that marry young have the feeling that they didn't get a chance to sow their oats. But they usually don't admit it to their partner.
How is the marriage otherwise?
One thing I CAN tell you is that admitting another person into the marriage is a sure recipe for disaster.
And if he feels like he met the right person, why would he want someone else?
Also is he thinking of YOU having a relationship with another man? Or is it just HIM having another woman?
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,652
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,652 |
First of all do NOT agree to having an open marriage! That is not the path to a good marriage, happy-ever-after, etc. It's a can of worms. JMHO.
Second, how old are you now? How long have you been together? If he was 17 how old were you?
How is the marriage otherwise, in your opinion? Do you spend time together doing things you both enjoy? Do you guys enjoy the time you spend together?
Do you think he's already strayed, or has someone in mind?
Third, lest I forget: do NOT agree to an open marriage. JMHO.
me - 47  H - 39  married 2001 DS 8a  DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6 |
We have been married for only 2 years. When we got married I was 20 and he was 19. Other than this the marriage is fine...we do have problems but we enjoy spending time around each other and that usually all we do. We are hardly ever apart. I know he hasn't strayed and he says he doesn't have someone in mind but I think he kind of does.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Of course he does. You need to do some checking and find out who it is. Often someone they work with, are involved in sports with, etc.
Then, go to Plan A where you show him what a great wife you can be.
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6 |
Well I already know who she is and he's been friends with her for some time. I've always had bad feelings about her but now he assures me he wouldn't get with her because she is in a horrible relationship right now and is actually pregnant.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Oh, that is very good! You already know who it might be, so you are ahead of most.
Now you need to do some checking of on his cell phone and computer so you can get proof. Then expose the affair to the other woman's husband.
Do you know for a fact, my personal witness that he is abusive, or is this just what the other woman is telling your husband?
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6 |
This is just what she is telling him. I already have gotten on his cellphone and all of that but there is no proof that they are having a relationship. I think he just wants a fling or two with someone...and maybe not necessarily her.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Gotta warn you that it IS probably all about her.
If your marriage is halfway decent, he may have inadvertently become attached to her. She is probably telling him all of her problems, and he is feeling like a knight in shining armour.
But the truth may be that her husband is NOT a bad guy, and she is just exagerating to get close to your husband.
I would get proof of what is going on, and let her husband know. That usually ends things.
Then study up on Plan A, which includes spending 15 hours a week doing fun things together, meeting your husband's emotional needs, ESPECIALLY admiration, and changing anything he complained about before.
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6 |
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
erkie, this boy doesn't sound too grown up. Are you sure he is mature enough to be married?
Why did y'all get married so young?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 6 |
I agree that he is not mature enough to be married but I would do anything for him and if that means wait till he's ready than I'll do that.
We got married young because we planned on getting married anyways but he had joined the military and we both relied on each other financially and the only way we could stay together was marriage at that time.
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