Lot's of discussion lately about EN's not being met causing Infidelity. Also lot's of discusions about boundaries.

When Dr h was faced with this conundrum, he had to come to the conclusion that adultry was about a lack of boundaries, or failure to protect yourself from your weakness's. Which, IMHO, is the same as saying: No real boundaries!

I do firmly believe that an A is about exactly what and where your boundaries are. I think it was Dr Pittman that said the choice to be unfaithful happens long before the line is actually crossed. In other words, you have already made the choice, and simply waited for the right time and conditions to present themselves.

If all of the above is true, what chance does a BS have, with regards to EN's? It seems like putting the blame on unmet EN's is simply a justification, for an abomionation that has already been decided without your approval.!

Why is it we have no means to counter this thinking? Well... I guess the answer is, we were never consulted!

I do believe that EN"s are important, however, I really believe as Dr H does, that it's more about failing to protect yourself from your weakness. But if you don't believe you have a weakeness in this regard, than you are the MOST VUNERABLE!

All Blessings,
Jerry

I agree 100% and then some.

Even without MB, I was well aware that I had to meet my H's ENs. And I did. He had an affair purely from selfishness and entitlement.

In retrospect, I see that he had this mentality. We actually talked about this yesterday. He did not disagree with me, but was not really happy about th ediscussion and asked me if with some annoyance if I would have married him if I realized that he was probably going to cheat. I told him that I probably would not have but that wasn't really the point.

The point was being aware of his vulnerabilities and knowing WHY he had an A.

Excellent topic Jerry.

WH2LE