Here is the update as well as some thoughts:

1. First of all, I believe recovery requires a WW that wants to cooperate. IMHO, I cannot see recovery if the wayward spouse is not interested.
2. The pain goes away at the two-year mark, but the scar remains forever.
3. Trust comes back, but it is not the same kind of trust. In fact this new trust is associated with a subtle level of insecurity. The feeling that one can never be sure about the spouse. Somehow, I have learned to live with that, but it is an uneasy feeling and now I have empathy for those folks that are naturally insecure.
4. I have no clue how Myrta feels about the affair, but I suspect it is a thorn for her. My family never discovered her adultery, but I believe they suspect something went wrong in the marriage. Whenever the issue of infidelity comes up at dinnertime or during family gatherings my four daughters and son are highly critical about those that commit adultery. Their harsh words about infidelity are probably hard to swallow for Myrta. My children tend to be very righteous and pious regarding infidelity.
5. Most of the time I feel quite normal, but there will always be that 0.1% sensation that is not OK and the innocence is lost forever.

I have to give Myrta a tremendous amount of credit. She has been a trooper and I would venture to say she is the poster child for a FWW. Her exOM tried numerous times to contact her and she always managed to avoid him.

I suspect the ex-OM (a part time police officer) put Myrta in that special list where you get special attention when you go to the airport. Every time Myrta took a plane to go visit her mom (the hometown of OM) she was detained by airport security for additional screening. Then OM would show up at the home of Myrta’s mom the day Myrta arrived.

The last attempt to contact was truly bizarre. Myrta was returning home from visiting her mom and the OM managed to buy an airplane ticket on the same flight. I wonder how he got the information regarding when Myrta was flying? However, he is a police officer and this is probably easy. In any event the OM intercepted Myrta at the gate before boarding the plane---he wanted to talk. Once again Myrta was a trooper and declined. She must have been quite forceful because the OM decided not to board the plane. BTW, OM returned Myrta all the money he had taken from her during the affair. I remembered I had written OM an email where I scorned him for taking Myrta’s money.

That is the last time we heard from OM, but before that there were numerous attempts such as driving by the house, sending packages, going to the parking lot of my daughter (who at the time was in the 7th grade), etc.

I will post more later!

CIAO

Stanley- I recall your story and I am sorry that the OM somehow manages to stay in the picture. This is my first visit in months... its good to see someone so familiar still here... I wish you luck...

Stanley,

To borrow a quote from the movie Tombstone that I am paraphrasing "He has a hole in his soul that is impossible to fill".

I think that Myrta and my Ex are of the same psychological ilk.

FOO.

No matter what I did for my Ex, it was never good enough, or quick enough or especially anticipatory enough.

I stopped trying to fill that hole when she selected a lot of other men to fill her hole(not that one!!!) . To my minimal knowledge all have failed.

My own healing started when I forced myself to look at the most ill person...me. Why was I not only content to attempt that Sisyphean task but also was so willing to completely subjugate my needs at the same time? I still don't have a complete answer on that but I am still working on it.

Hope this helps

Stanley and Myrta

SMOMW,

I tried clicking or copy and pasting your story. No luck. Could you try doing it again. I would love to read about your story...

I am always looking for hopeful ones in my sitch.

Thanks, Queenie