You may be right about his thinking. That doesn't change that it would be the best thing to do.

I know you are maturing quickly as JL says...but there is still a long way to go. Your BH's position, both financially and in regards to the baby are understandable. YOU caused the worst possible turmoil in his life..his pain is evident. Some...if not most of his email suggestions were pretty fair. His language could use some work though...BUT, it is understandable considering the circumstances.

Your absolute stubbornness about giving the child up for adoption is putting the final nail in your marriage. YOU are once again betraying your husband...this time for a child with the OM.

From a practical standpoint, I would try and negotiate up from his 10%. See if he will go to 25% and if he does, take it. You do not want to get before a judge being pregnant with another mans child. If you were not pregnant, I would suggest that you are not due a nickel....you are, so...you need money to take care of the baby.

Brooke, if you keep the child, I wish you luck. My main concern here is for the baby...it deserves the best chance at a happy life. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically right now.

JL, excellent post, right on the money. I hope Brooke listens to you.

Husband had an affair. Then you had an affair. Settle for what the law entitles you 50%.

I agree with JL's post.

mlhb

At this point I would just let the lawyers handle who gets what and how much. You have a baby to think of. You tried to handle it out of court and with taking a small amount to his large but that still was not enough. Just let them handle it and think of your child and move on.

JL,

I value your opinion, but I just don't agree with respect to Brooke's maturing. I still see a very wayward mentality where "it's all about Brooke".

Everything she is doing (or not doing) is designed to keep up the drama. Why in the world would she go to that memorial service? I'm sure her story is to respect the memory of her best friend, but seriously, how respectful is it to attend a function where she will only cause PAIN to many of those in attendance by her very presence.

Once again, VERY WAYWARD, as she took the attention away from the memory of her friend, and placed herself squarely in the spotlight.

She comes here to share vile messages from her BH ... for what purpose ... IMHO, to gain some form of sympathy for HERSELF.

She won't agree to a settlement, or consider adoption, just to keep the drama going. We will never know, but my guess is she will not settle for anything materially less than 50%, even if it means airing all of her dirty laundry in the courtroom where her BH and OM have to practice every day.

IMHO, she is very much into inflicting as much pain back at BH, as she claims to be getting from him.

Adoption is very different now than years ago, where the bio mother was expelled from any contact with her child.

Adoption now gives the mother a lot of control on the conditions - it allows the mother to be in contact via visitation, but most importantly allows the child to grow up with a mother AND father. I can't tell you how important having both parents are to a child and have you "get" it because "society" is bent on getting the point across that single parenting is just fine.

Your child cannot have this benefit by staying with you. Do the right thing BY THE CHILD and find a hand-picked adoptive family that will prevent yours and OM's behavior from tainting the child socially - where you are so tied to the community and your families, it's going to happen and the child will have anger directed at him/her and not understand the reasons why. You have to do this for the child and surrender the need to keep the child. Yes you will hurt. But if you keep the baby in the toxic community environment with STBX inlaws, and toxic OM family, you hurt the baby you profess to love.

Great points KA.

I am SO glad I don't have to make such a decision.
I know I could not give up a child I was pregnant with. I remember being pregnant and I fell in love with my children once I knew they were in there. Their kicking, their movements. It was a beautiful time and I could not imagine giving them up.

I would not want to be in Brooke's shoes. (and can safely say I am quite sure I never will be).

I see what everyone is saying but I am not so sure I could do it.

mlhb

JL,

I don't really post here anymore. I was asked for an update so I gave it. I was asked additional questions so I answered. There are a couple of stories I am keeping up with so I still read here.

As I mentioned before I no longer communicate with my stbx so that has taken a lot of the stress out of my life. I finally stopped reading his e-mails. I can forward them to my lawyer w/o reading them and I delete. The divorce and all negotiations are in the hands of the lawyers. I still do care very much for my stbx. If these venting emails help him only a tiny bit I won't block his e-mail.

I will protect this baby and I have been taking very good care of us. Since the moment I decided to keep this baby I have done it with the idea of raising him/her on my own. I know you are greatly admired here and I thank you for your concern.

******************

I hope I can put the whole adoption issue to rest. I obviously won't give the baby up. As a poster already mentioned I could not even if I wanted too. xOM will not sign his parental rights and allow an adoption. He has told this to stbx when he e-mails him about it (stbx CC's me). xOM told me very recently that if stbx and I had stay married he would have taken me to court to get parental rights (in my state xOM can do this) and would ask for joint custody. Believe me when I say adoption is not at all realistic in my situation.

Brooke, for whatever it's worth, I can understand you're not wanting to give the baby up. I wouldn't be able to either.

I also hope that you will continue to post every now and then to let us know how you are, and how the situation develops. I think you are a great example of a repentant WS with a BS who decided to divorce you. It's his right to.

Your story is also interesting because it proves that when infidelity isn't addressed correctly, when you just think it will work out by itself, things go terribly wrong. That's what I'm trying to convince my friend of. As Dr. H says, it's a narrow path to recovery...

I'm really sorry for your situation, especially because I think that you are very intelligent and mature and have really learned from this whole experience and I think you are making the best decisions you can considering how serious and complicated the whole situation is.

One thing that must be kept in mind is that your husband has made the decision to divorce and that must be respected. You shouldn't fight it. I get the impression that you are NOT fighting the decision or your H, contrary to what others seem to have understood.


Anyway I really would like to hear from you because this is obviously not the end of the story...

ccbis,

I won't be posting here anymore. My posts cause way to many triggers. My e-mail is xxxxxxxxxx

Let me know when you have it because I want to delete the e-mail.

Brooke,

I wish you the best and hope the baby has a long healthy and happy life.

God Bless,

JL

brooke, you've got mail

brooke,

how about an update? i have been following your story from the start. i do not post but read every chance i get the posts here. you mentioned that you will not post anymore but i hope you can post an update every so often. i am certain i am not the only person that has read your story from the beginning.

Do not post to fulfill other people's curiosity.

Especially if, as you stated, posting here causes you emotional pain.

Pep

i thought she meant that her posts caused other posters triggers. if that is the case I hope she chooses to post an update and no one is forced to read her posts.

please update us Brooke.