I am 30.
This hurts so much I can't stop crying.I can't understand how someone who claims to love you so much can hurt you so much. Even today he keeps on saying he loves me but does love mean hurting someone so much.
I don't think I could trust anyone a guy. I have lost faith in love.

He may very well love you, but he has realized that he has no future with you. He has now found a woman who not only says she loves him, but wants to build a life with him, she has already moved in with him which is something you could not do for him in all the years that you were married to him. You need to stop focusing on what he did to you and see your part. Focus on your part and how you can change you so that the next time you get married you will put your husband first and not your parents.

I know you will think this sounds harsh. But really once you look at your part, it will help you to see that men can be trusted when you treat them well.

I do not look at love as a feeling, it is an action, you show someone you love them by your daily actions. You very clearly showed your husband that you did not love him by keeping your marriage a secret and not living with him as his wife.

Stop focusing on how hurt you are and try to imagine how he must have felt. You were so ashamed of him that you kept your marriage a secret, WOW!

I know no one is going to believe my circumstances. But I did truly love him and still do.

Sweetpea, I think that everyone understands that you are going something terrible. I also believe that you feel that you love him.

May I suggest something for you? My suggestion is that you think about what you want to do with your life regardless of what happens with your WH.

How long are you going to stay with your family? Is there a future for you there, will you take over the estate? Or is there something else you want to do with your life?

If I may be so harsh, it seems strange to me if a 30 year old woman is still living with her dad. I know that you have taken care of your dad and you must be a very loving daughter but I would suggest that you start building your own future.

MB is about having a plan and when I read your posts I don't see any plan at all, just confusion and desperation. I understand that you feel like that but you may feel better if you start to sort out your life.

If you want to follow MB principle, the first step to save your marriage is to do plan A. A part of plan A is to improve yourself in every possible way, you can read more about it on this site or in the MB books. Personally I have begun to realize that I want to improve myself for ME and not for anyone else. I think that is the only way to really make changes.

It takes a lot of work and time to save a marriage after an affair and that is why people here advice you to get a divorce. A marriage on paper is not solid and probably not possible to save. But you can still improve yourself. You can not change anyone else but you can change yourself!

If you want to have a good marriage (reconnect with your WH or divorce him and meet someone new) I think that you first of all should become independent. You will be much more attractive and you will be able to build a real relation with a man.

I do manage financially on my own. I am not some spoilt rich kid, to the contrary, I work in the finance sector, work exceptionally long hours, and pay my way. I stayed with my mom n dad, only bcos my mom was seriously ill. She had kidney failure, TB, and repeatedly had mild strokes which was on top of the serious depression she had all her life. This lasted for 1.5 years (straight after my marriage) and I used to go to the hospital every day after work and the whole weekend was spent running to n from the hospital.
My dad is partially sighted and suffers from a heart problem, I look after him. I had spent most of my childhood looking after mom while all the kids were outside playing. My H knew all of this. I used to spend all my weekends running around two houses trying to manage both.
So all of this hurts a lot. I just wanted to be happy.

Sweetpea, please don't get me wrong. I don't think that you are spoilt. On the contrary I think that you have worked very hard and spent a lot of time taking care of your family. Maybe it is time you start to care about you?

So, what do YOU want? What kind of dreams do you have? Right now you are in the middle of an emotional crisis and it is not a good time to make big changes but eventually you will be able to look forward and make plans for your life.

You can still be happy!

Even if you don't make any big decisions right now, you can make small improvements in your life. Educate yourself, learn something new, decorate your home, join a charity group, get a new hair cut and some fresh clothes for the summer... these are a few suggestions, only you can decide what you want to do.

My H is still talking to me, he says he loves me, and wishes he could leave her but he can't and i don't know why. He wants to be friends
I think there is hope - I don't want to end this marriage.

Sweetpea,

Study up on Plan A. Immediately stop any love busters, angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements (read up on these on this site, also on Plan A)

No begging, pleading, crying or asking him why.

I too spent many years taking care of my dad and other family members, and my career, much to the peril of my personal and love life.

I also am married and do not live with my husband. He lives 1200 miles away and we spend maybe one week a month together, sometimes more, sometimes less.

After your Plan A you may very well decide that he is not good husband material, but you do deserve a chance to try.