Is there any hope for my marriage? August will be two years since I found out about my husbands affair with his coworker. He moved out in March 06 and kept telling me he didn't want a divorce, he needed more time, needs to find a new job first etc. He told me he wasn't with the other woman. We continued to see each other that whole year because I believed him and thought he just needed time. We even went on a vacation.

During that time I was doing Plan A and not realizing it. That also allowed my husband to cake eat the entire time. (I didn't know). He did however decide to move home almost exactly a year from the time he moved out. He stayed home about 3 months and then moved out again. He said he thought he made a mistake. He kept denying STILL that he was with the other woman. I found out he was and here I am.

Is there still hope? Has he made his choice or is this typical? I have been in a Plan A mode for probably 1 1/2 years. I still love my husband and often think if he hasn't gotten a divorce by now he probably deep down doesn't want one. The second time he moved out though he seems less interested in me. The first time we were very much together. This time he doesn't even try to be with me. I don't know if that is bad news or if it is common when they get back with the other woman.

I read a lot on this site and know I should be in a Plan. I need help. I feel like my marriage is over now that he moved out again. (that was in September). I haven't been very nice to him since he moved out. I don't know if I should continue Plan A a while so that he can see the good again or just go straight to Plan B?

Can our marriage be saved? Some people know about the affair. Not a lot, but important people.

Who do you mean by "important people"? Was the A exposed at his office, for example?

Two years is a long time to be going through this. Perhaps it's time for Plan B.

Thanks for your post. The affair was exposed to the office and most family members. Husband seems to not know what he wants. He says some days I want to come home other days I don't know if I do. He is living in an apartment and the children see him several times a week. Financially it tough but we are able to make it. I handle all the finances.

I spoke with the OW before and let her know what husband did last time they were together (meaning being with me as well) I didn't know at the time. My point was to let her know that whatever he was telling her was probably a lie. The second time he moved out he seems more distant. Almost angry at me.

He doesn't try to hang out with me like the first time he moved out. Not sure why. Anyone have any ideas? He's also careful about what he says to me. Before he used to say he didn't want a divorce, this time he thinks he might want one. Then, lets see how things go were very angry with each other right now. Stuff like that. My hunch is he feels like he has to watch what he says or I'll go back and talk to the other woman. Remember I told her stuff he did before. So I'm not sure if he is rejecting me per se or just having to be very careful what he says to me. Any ideas? Any hope here?

Who is the OW? Is she married? Do they work together? What do they do and what is their work heirarchy? ie: supervisor, peer, etc?

My suggestion would be to read about Plan B on this website and get ready to implement a really good Plan B. After 2 years of this, you're way overdue for implementing it.

I just read a lot about Plan B. I also have the book by Dr Harley. Is there hope after this long? I still love my husband and he says he questions whether he's doing the right thing everyday. But doesn't make any move towards coming home again. Could he be just stalling or truly confused about what he wants. This time he seems more distant why??

I would go to Plan B as soon as possible. Be sure that you have your ducks in a row first, so that you Plan B can be very dark. Good planning is essential.

And yes, there is lots of hope. Affairs always end and then the WS is interested in the working on the marriage again.

I read that affairs usually last no more than 2 years on this site. Are the affairs that last longer harder to break? Or not necessarily. Does this mean this relationship is more solid and maybe one of the few that would last or is about two years average for the time of an affair. Especially since the first year he was cake eating then decided to move home. Does anyone know the reason why he is more distant the second time he moved out?

My situation is almost the same. It's been six months since my husband moved out. Does anyone have any answers to my questions as well? It might help the both of us.

My husband is being distant as well. Are there any wayward spouses that can answer that?

LT, i don't know if your marriage can be saved, but I do know that your H has no reason to end his affair. He has the best of both worlds with 2 women meeting his needs. He would be crazy to give that up.

The OW is probably meeting 1-2 top needs and you meet 3 or 4 others. She can't possibly meet all his needs, but he will never realize that as long as he has you to prop up his affair.

I would take a hard look at plan B, if I were you.

Thank you for your input Melodylane. Puppylove, I read your post and our spouses and situations seem similar. I did read that most wayward spouses act and say a lot of the same things. Hang in there. I'm going to read some more on Plan B. At this point I don't have any other choice.