Also,

Ativan. I would stay far away from that myself. Like someone above already mentioned..."dry alcohol"

That's what they give you when you are in detox and there is possibility of death. Zoloft is ok as long as you don't drink alc(which will flush zoloft effectiveness right away from your head)

btw, in case you didn't know already, the combination of alcohol and benzes are the #1 overdose combo in America today

Ok so she TOLD you she reveled she had an affair with another AA person to her group. She says they are OK with it and she shouldn't leave the group. She says OM is no longer attending the same meetings. She is also insistent that you NOT go there...... Does this sound right to you?

How about you just show up at her meeting? She said he wouldn’t attend the same meeting. Wait until she is in there and settled then just walk in and see what her reaction is.

Now my next piece of advice would be something you would want to run by the vets especially ones that are familiar with AA. I would approach her sponsor and divulge that you know about her affair with a current member of that AA group and you want to assure him/her that you are not there to start trouble. If they act like you have 2 heads you have your answer as to whether she told them and as a bonus you have exposed the Affair. I have a STRONG feeling she told NO ONE.

I would, however we have only one vehicle.

TFMM, this will go nowhere unless she leaves the group and ends all contact with the OM. Let her know she needs to leave if your marriage is going to work out. It is profoundly disrespectful to you for her to continue contact with her OM and makes marital recovery impossible. If she won't, then you should start going to the meeting with her until she agrees to find another group. You need to be FIRM about this; you cannot mince words with an alcoholic.

If she does not quit that group and agree to end all contact with the OM, then your next step needs to be Plan B, a total separation.

I would call her sponsor TODAY and explain to her that your W had an affair with OM. Give his name so they will know they have a 13th stepper there. He is a menace to the group, and the group can't very well not "let men run off women" if they don't know WHO it is.

Melody,
I stongly believe that the WW has said nothing to her group. I agree he should go with her to the meetings until she agrees to go elsewhere but what advice would you give him about things like exposure or confrontation if OM is there?

I don't think either of them should be going there. If he does go there, I would suggest just one time to inform the older members of the OM's affair with his wife. But, they need to leave that meeting forever.

Going to the meeting together will not solve the problem, because she will be continually triggered by this OM.

I also believe that WW has not told anyone, but even so, that doesn't mean anything will be done. The most that will be done, likely, is some of the veterans will pull this scum aside and have a serious TALK.

But the ONUS to do something falls on TFMM and his W, and not the group. He needs to ensure she leaves or he needs to move to Plan B.

Good gravy. Life is a mess.

Night before last my wife went on a bender after her AA meeting and drank a pint of Jack on her way home. I ended up taking her in to the hospital and after they game her enough fluids to keep her form going totally toxic, we went home. The next day she decided, finally, that she needs to go in treatment somewhere and really do it, although she was wavering.

On my way to the office that afternoon, I was home to help take care of her and our oldest had a field day at school, I got involved in a head-on collision with a drunk driver who was in my lane. I came out of it relatively unharmed, my lip and teeth were destroyed, but other than that just contusions, sprains, abrasions, and minor lacerations. I think it was a real wake-up call for her. We're waiting to hear back for several places now to get her in for 21 days of intense treatment, for all her problems.

I'm not going to be starting AA myself just yet, I've got enough other meetings and such to keep me sober.

I found out that I'm bipolar II about a year or so ago. I can definitely tell you that I was having an episode when I had my affair. Of course I only found out after an affair and a divorce. I was even inpatient and they just thought I had PTSD, I was the one who finally read up on bipolar and asked my dr to check me for.

I can definitely see why people who are bipolar self medicate. I haven't done that but I've thought about it pretty seriously. Especially when the depression is bad. She's self medicating with alcohol probably. The medicines are many and it takes a bit to find the right combination for you. Then some you take and the side effects are terrible- some of them they can medicate but some they cannot. It's frustrating to find the right combination and frankly sometimes people give up. Fortunately for me, my meds are regulated and I know I have to stay on them, period. Encourage her to continue to try to find the right one if the first ones don't exactly help- don't let her give up.

I was also abused growing up- in every possible way.

I did some crazy stuff while manic I'm not proud of- and then if you remember you have guilt for that, which makes you feel worse.

I felt almost like I had a hole in me that I couldn't fill up.
Now I realize it's a God sized hole that no one else can fill up but Him.

I feel bad for you and your wife. I think you both need AA for recovery but I don't believe she needs to stay in this particular AA group. It's inappropriate in every way and I just can't believe she was advised to do so. Doesn't the book say you shouldn't get into a relationship for at least a year after sobriety? (I have alot of addicts in my family)

Here's my van:

http://img123.imageshack.us/img123/8044/image044as0.jpg


I'm pretty blessed, the Lord is watching over us. We were able to get my wife into a mental hospital tonight, they've got a program that is very intensive to help her with her previous traumatic experiences, and help her with her mental disorder.

Very blessed indeed.

{{{{{{{{{{{TFMM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I hope things start looking brighter for you, friend.

Lately since my wife has been gone (admitted to a psychiatric hospital) I have been having terrible nightmares every night about the affair. Any suggestions to help with these and the pain that they bring?

Those nightmares/mental movies are evil I know. Whatever you do, don't try to drink them away. BTDT.

Doesn't work.

Try anything else, just don't pick up.

Thank you, I've been fighting it pretty hard. It helps some to know that I'll get sick as a dog if I drink on my Zoloft.

zoloft takes a couple weeks to start doing it's work, if you get drunk, the alcohol will "wash away" the effectiveness of the zoloft and you will get even more depressed

More joy!


Last Thursday I had just found out that she was still seeing the turd bucket, and had been taking to him while she was doing her intreatment. Somehow they managed to screw 3 more times as well.

Needless to say I was stabbed in the gut, I had thought all was going well, and we were working towards recovery. Fool. I went bat crap and beat my fist against dang near everything in the house, took a crap load of Ativan and Vicodin and plopped down on the bed with a knife to my throat until the police and EMTs came to cart me off.

I may be facing domestic assault charges, no, I didn't strike her or threaten her, and ended up getting demoted at work because I was missing (sitting in the mental ward of the local hospital.)

We are currently separated, doctors orders. Her and the kids are at her parents for the next two months. I'm ok with that, in that it will keep her away from the POS-OM. I'm just scared crapless that she'll end up latching on to somebody down there. If so it's over. I can't handle anymore of this crap.

I'm scared of the legal battle I'll have on my hands to get the kids, and scared that I'm going to be alone. I've got more confidence in my ability to get the kids, my record is clean, excluding this one incident. But the prospect of having to build a new life makes me tremble.

I'm mostly ranting, I just need to get some of this off my chest.

Well she's been calling lawyers. I guess I had better as well.

Any way, I didn't want to start a new thread so here goes.

How do you work past the pain of it all?