MyRev:

You swore off on this place couple of times.

But you come back. And I understand that. That's why I'm here all the time too.

And then you lower the boom on everybody for a week or so and then disappear for a while.

So, what's up with you and FogFree?

Things going well? Badly? 2nd gear? A MB marriage?

Well?


LG

Well, you ask some interesting questions, and I'll be happy to answer them as soon as I know myself.

FogFree and I were sitting on our deck talking last night and she asked me basically the same question ... "Why do I still come to MB?". She still reads here everyday, but no longer posts, and she said that she'd noticed that I'd started posting some again. My response was a very honest ... "I don't know".

You see, I absolutely HATE this place ... I hate the pain, the wayward mentality, the confusion, OP, etc. You rarely see a happy ending ... those that recover usually go their separate ways, and the broken never leave. In some ways its like the old Eagles song ... Hotel California ... "you can check in any time you like, but you can never leave".

However, at this point there is still "something" that I'm seeking ... I can't put my finger on it, but I think I'll recognize it when I see it. Actually, it may have already began, as FogFree started "owning" much of her "stuff" a couple of weeks ago and has been actively making reparations, as she has shown some courage by shedding her "conflict avoider" and has begun righting some wrongs. She hugs me everyday and whispers in my ear how very sorry she is for hurting me so badly, and when we pull back, you can see the genuine remorse in her eyes.

I guess, when I'm feeling pretty good, its easier to stay away from MB, but when I have something eating at me, I come here to work through those issues.

I've always been a more private person, with a small group of very good friends and my family. I never really was interested in the problems of strangers, but for some reason after finding myself here, I have developed an attachment to BH's. I really get a good feeling when a BH stands up for himself and his family, and for some odd reason, I get really upset with BH's who are too whipped and beaten down by their WW's, who would rather remain abused than put up a fight in the face of such abuse.

All in all, things are going pretty well with us, and I feel good about our future, and with continued application of what we've learned, I think our bar can be set above a normal MB Marriage.

PS ... I know some of you may take offense to some of my remarks/criticisms of MB and the discussion forums, it was not my intent to offend, but they are my true feelings and I will not apologise for them.

I don't want to be presumptive, so take this with a grain of salt. How about this is the only place your can be honest about your feelings?

Are you afraid to be honest with FogFree about your feelings? I know I am with my FWW. She will simply view that as a DJ and I am well aware of that.

Thesse WS's have stolen something from us that may never be returned. so we wait with anticipation that all will be restored when it fact, it may never be that way again. We don't know nor, can we see into the future, we only sit back and hope, yes?

Your underlying point in this entire journey is to tenaciosly hang onto your dignigty and self respect. It is evident in your replies to others. I hear what you are saying; what else do we have to hang onto at this point?

When you come to MB and discuss things, you restablish yourself as a person to be admired and respected. There is nothing wrong with that except that is where FF has let the ball drop. She needs to understand that she is the one who is obligated to do that, Not MB!!

When she accepts that role as a WW, you will no longer need us!!
In reality, she doesn't "get it" yet. And may never will, just as my FWW never will. That leaves us light years apart, but nonetheless, together.

I admire your courage and consistency with the faith that this can be worked out over time,

All blessings,
Jerry

Personally Myrev, I find your posts to be some of the most helpful and informative on these boards. You tell it like it is...and that is refreshing.

I hope that things get a lot better at home...but KNOW that despite the grumblings of some, your posts certainly hit home with others.

Your wife is lucky to have you.

MEDC,

Thank You!!!

You have my respect also. I've read enough of your posts to know that we have some fundemental differences of opinion, but that's all they are ... differences of "opinion", and in fact, I believe that we agree on much more than we disagree.

You have genuine "Strength of Character" and that is a quality that I admire greatly, even if I may disagree with a person on a particular topic, which is why your post above was meaningful to me.

Thanks, again.

I just wanted to say this is why I like your posts so much. I think it is helpful to get many points of view.

It seems in way to many cases BH's are expected and encouraged to accept abuse and to stay married at any cost and for some reason that bothers me too. Anyway I hope you find what you are looking for and things turn out well for you.

MyRev,

I with you man. I too have the same love hate relationship with MB. It's nice to come here and get confirmation that the feelings I have are normal and I haven't gone completely crazy, but at the same time I HATE the reason I'm here. Good to hear that you and FF are making progress. LaLa and I are doing well too. It's not always easy, but things are getting better slowly.

What so many people here fail to realize is that ending the A is only the beginning. The really hard part is trying to put things back together once the WS is on board with recovery. It is a roller coaster ride all it's own. I think that is why you take such a proactive stance with the other BSs. I know I regret not being more proactive early in our situation. It could have saved LaLa and I a lot of unnecessary pain. Anyways, great to have you here and keep doing what your doing. Your point of view is very much needed around here.

Want2Stay

OMG Jerry this was beautifully stated and IMHO sooooooo true!!!!

IHE:

We all like to put in our two cents worth.

We all hope to be the one who delivers the "AHA" or "Come to Jesus" post.

But what worked for one, may not work for others. Even though they may NEED to get on that road, they just might have to get on the entrance ramp a little bit later on that road.

And many come back and say: "Why didn't I get on THAT road sooner!"

Darn that human nature.

And MyRev, you state your a private kind of guy. Close friends and relatives, a tight circle as it was. This site expands that circle alot wider. And you can be much more honest and direct here than you have to be IRL. You can put something about yourself out there, and somebody around here, has dealt with it, and has info to help you with it as well. And will probably deliver that info to you in a way you didn't expect.

And all of it comes for free. And there are some terrific people around here who just seem to keep on giving, long after their debt has been paid to MB. Why? Because MB is SO MUCH more than breaking up affairs. It's rebuilding a life after trauma. And about what recovery really means. And no matter how screwed up your own personal sitch may be, somebody has it worse. MUCH worse. And somehow, someway, you try to ease that pain for them.

That's why you keep coming back, and keep posting.

LG

I appreciate your thoughts, but I don't think that's quite it.

I can't put my finger on it, but it has something to do with the BH/WW dynamic. In my mind, generally it is quite different from the WH/BW situation (I rarely, if ever, post to a BW), and there's just something about it (BH/WW) that bothers and motivates me.

MyRev:

Thanks for the reply.

About this:


Rather presumpous (sp? I gotta get a better dictionary...) of me after the fact, I know, now. You have mused on WHY you keep coming back several times. Just thought I could help you figure it out. MY fingers got a little ahead of my brain.

The main point is you, and many of us around here post to HELP. Somehow, someway.

And this:


I get this. Stay where you have the most experience, perhaps. I tend to post to those I can relate to somehow. Many BW, because I try to let them know what's inside a WH head. (Scary that). And far fewer BH, as I just don't have as much to help there.

LG

lg,

that would be 'presumptuous', lol, I had to do a spell check for that one, and I had 6 years of English when I graduated from HS. LOL.

Anyway, I just want to tell all you BH's out there that I appreciate your input.

I do not regularly post to the BH's, because as a BW, I try to stay away from all that if you know what I mean, but I am glad to see all of you strong men tell it like it is.

Thank you, and thanks for being here, even tho we all can hate it.

I quit bringing stuff up a loooong time ago, but this is a place that you can come to, give a little wisdom, and get a little support.

Thanks guys, for helping each other. You are all so WORTHY!!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M:

Just to clarify....

I was the wayward one....

MyRev was the betrayed one.

LG