let me start out by saying this has been greatly helpful to read topics and replys...

My husband cheated on me with my best friend and got her pregnant... We have been working on making this work by using the tools of this website and seeking counceling.

But there are days like today and about once every two weeks I get sicker than sick and just dont know what to do... Nothing triggers it... I just hurt... My heart feels like its 50 lbs. My relationship with my husband is better than it ever has been (crazy enough) but he now wants to have a baby with me, he has completly walked away from the OW and she is still pregnant ( I went through 4 misscarriages with her previously) and is still married to her husband. They can not and have not been able to go to term with a child and have none. We have one who is 11.

I just have all sorts of mixed feelings... My main one is why? and he can give me no answer to why? "He doesnt know but he will find out" How do you not know about having that type of relationship... How do you not know why.. I think it hurts me more to know he doesnt know why then... Hey you were a horrible wife and didnt do the laundry right or what ever the case maybe instead of I dont know...

I am trying to learn new tools to make things flow smoother... but I am just out of ideas... Can anyone point me in a direction???
THANKS!

It sounds like he's still in the fog. Still caring about her, so he won't be thinking clearly yet, not yet able to tell you why. Don't worry about that right now. Just focus on your relationship.

Did you expose the affair? Does everyone know whose child it is?

Welcome to MB and the p/c board. Can you tell us more about your situation? How long was the A? How long has it been over? Is your WH in NC with OW? How long have you been married? Have you read the book "Surviving An Affair" by Willard Harley?

I recommend you do not attempt to have another child until your marriage is on more solid ground. Your WH has already created a child (not for certain until DNA is established) that won't have a father.

Do not send any money or have any C with OW until the child is born and DNA establishes your WH as the father.

Hmm. the 4 of us have been friends for 5 years now the last 2 years I have noticed and the OW husband has noticed as well that my husband and his wife have been really close... I can exactly with no doubt say this. Last May they were in a relationship talking all of the time. We were in a fight I told him to stay with his mom and he ended up staying with our friends they were caught kissing or my husband was caught kissing her on the 4head..and then she followed him to her guest bedroom have no clue what happened in there. Her husband was watching but didnt do anything.

Next day my husband comes home to talk I explain to him that it is hurting me that he is talking to her and that what was the kiss and he said that it was nothing something that you would do to a sister... I then proceed to tell him how much it does hurt me and that he has had this friend relationship once before and granted I am 50% sure they never did anything I have been through this before with him. Nothing physical but still an emotional relationship.

So he proceeds to leave our house and the first thing he does is call her and they meet and he said it was to tell her sorry that all this has happened and that he doesnt want to talk to her anymore. hmmm Her husband tracks them down and thats the end of that.. so I thought.

We then went through some crazy rebuilding of our relationship spending time together talking expressing feelings etc. The OW is seemigly out of the picture. So from June to football season.. it was cold because I had a coat on, things started to get bad again...a mortgage payment was missed and I had just had enough so.. I told him that I wanted out I didnt love him, wanst attracted to him, didnt want to be with him. Idle threats bad ones but just threats because in the past I could not get him to take action on something with out making threats to our relationship.. so once again.. threats were made.. I didnt act on them but after that. He emotionally left me and went 100% to the OW.

We lived in the same house but he didnt talk to me and when we did talk he was determined to leave at the end of the year after Christmas. So I set out to fix myself, and did alot of changing and realizing and me time... all the time with him acting like things are ok with me one min and the next pushing me away. I couldnt touch him I couldnt show him emotion or love he just shut me out. I didnt know that he was with the OW or that she was even in the picture either. Halloween I hear that she moved out of her house and away from her husband. He acted like he didnt know.. When the whole time they wer having a physicall relationship.. we go through holidays and I find out the first part of January that she is pregnant. Her husband called me. She is still pregnant.. I say that becuase I went through 3-4 misscarriages with her and her husband. they have been unable to carry to term...
My husband and I are working on things but at this point I have the WHY question and everything he says is followed in my head with why didnt you then... As I am sure most people on this site have felt .. what do you do next. Our houe is for sale and we plan on moving because the OW is next door at least once a week. So i get to drive home and see her car there. He wants to all of the sudden have a child with me.. He always thought along with myself that he couldnt ahve kids.. We go to counceling every other week.. but he has not had to own up to any of this to anyone but me and the councelor. Not our other friends no one... I am now feeling like I live in a box with no walls cant go outside OW is there... cant go to work.. Im usless and a waste of money.. When I ask him what he is doing I never really get a solid answer I always get a question in reply. WHAT NOW??? So if I shut him out emotionally because hes not doing anything... will he go to her becuase she is carrying his only child.. If the child is born then what.. he says he wants nothing to do with her or "it"... that is SOOO not fair.. Im sorry I am rambling...

So OW and her H are divorced/divorcing? Are you certain your H is not in contact with her any more? Let me post Josephs letter for you to print out for your H to read. I also strongly recommend you read ALL the concepts on this site, not just the forums and read with your husband the book Surviving an Affair.

No the OW and her H are NOT divorcing... it seems like they are acting like this is their child to people that do not know all of this happened. We are in the process of going through ALL of the things on this site... So thank you for the advice... Our councelor says that sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom to realize what they had and or lost... Day by day...

If OWH is willing to raise this child as his own, is your WH willing to just let things be? It would be best for the child to be raised in an intact family with one dad if at all possible. It would also be better for your M recovery to not have lifetime C with xOW.

So if the OH H wants to raise C as his in his family... Do we need some sort of legal documents stating that.. Or is it he just puts his name on everything and acts like nothing is different??? BUT what if the xOW and the OWH get a divorce can she come after my H for child support and or back child support? I just want some piece of mind...

On an additional note...We are doing wonderful......

Thanks for the resonces.. Flower

There are a couple options. I would consult with a family law atty familar with your state laws. Some states the husband is the presumed father and he has a certain amount of time to contest paternity. It would help to know what your state mandates and perhaps even sign adoption papers for the OWH to adopt the OC. So glad you are recovering.