I've been separated for almost eight years now. We have a 12 yeard old adopted daughter. Divorce is on process. I decided to filed it finally.

STBXH is now living with OW and their 2 kids for the last five years from their 10 years relationship/affair that started while we were still together. During the early years of my separation with H, I also had an a brief PA with my cousin's H while their marriage was on the rocks. That was a mistake on my part. A bad choice of action. I regret what I've done. They divorced eventually. I never confessed to my family about my indiscretion, except to my STBXH during the time that we were planning to reconcile.

I am currently dating a man of different race and culture. He's in mid-fifites and I am in my mid forties. No intimacy other than hugs and kisses. On the third month of dating he told me about his long distance GF. So I decided to be just friends with him. But maybe because of strong attraction to each other, and the feeling of mutual love and need for companionship, we continue to date as friends to this day.

What I say (that we stay friends while my divorce is on process and while he is still involve with GF in another state) doesn't match with my actions- we hugs and kiss and say I love you's. He is confused with these mixed messages. But I am also totally confused as to how to proceed- I know I should let him go knowing she has a long distance GF.

He was married for 20 years before they divorced 3 yrs ago due to infidelity of his ex-W. Divorce was nasty and they are not in speaking terms. He is a decent and respectable man. He possesses a lot of good qualities. He is every woman's dream BF or husband.

I know and he felt that I am running away from him (especially avoiding SF), chasing him away- I sent him two emails rejecting his intention for us to be more than friends. Mainly because of his GF (I do not want to be the cause of another relationship break-up) and moral/religious reason (I know dating him is another affair/adultery).

For him, it is no longer a problem for me to date since I've been separated for a long time and STBXH has another family already. Initially, he was telling me that long distance relationship with his GF might not work. But just last night he admitted that my decision to remain just friends pushed him closer to GF. He was asking me if I will not do anything about it. What does he wants me to do? He should be the one to do something-to make a choice- but I know and he was telling me that I am not helping him to choose me due to my many beliefs and restrictions. I told him I am not a competitive person. In fact, I always give way in relationship issues like these- I let go of my H to be with OW and 2 OC.

I have several questions:

First, what should I do? I know I love this person that I am dating as friends right now. Even if when the divorce is final- as long as he has a GF- I know we can't have a relationship.

Second, when is the best time to confess fully my indiscretion to BF or future husband? I haven't confessed to my cousin or family about this yet. I told him I was involved with someone sexually during separation from H. That it was a mistake. An action totally out of character. He was the wrong person. And I just found my peace after agonizing over that mistake for so many years. But I haven't told him he was my cousin's H. This indiscretion definitely holds me back from having any relationship. I feel I am not good enough for anybody because of what I've done.

Please help me. I am trying hard to do what is right. Though, it I must admit it very is painful to let him go...

Thank you for listening...

Someone