ok this is really Not2fun.....

Ok I think you all have missed my point...I am not saying I am not doing a dark Plan B...not at all...all I am trying to say is that WS can get his fix in other area's.....

for example....Queenie's WS showed up to Senior night. There is nothing she could have done to stop that. What did she do instead??? Went, had a marvelous time, and didn't worry (or at least let WS know) about WS being there.

My job is not have ANY contact with him...I get that..I so get that...that is what I am doing....WS knows what needs to be done if he chooses to reconcile. It was all in my letter. At this point, I am not concerning myself with what his next move is, what he is doing, or whether or not he is reading on here...I will continue to post as if he never knew about this place at all. I thought about changing my name, thought about going to a different forum, but if I were to do that, then he would get what he wants. And I would be cowering in the corners concerned about what he would do if he finds out.

This is about me taking control of me.....this is about me perserving my love for him....

So what if he see's that what he has done is wrong?? So what if he see's that I am enjoying life again??? So what if he see's me having a hard day because I miss him??? So what if he see's that I am angry because of the destruction he has caused?? So what if gets angry at you all???

If he wants a D, he can go do that work....for now this time is about me and my children.....

now if you all still don't understand what I am saying about him getting a fix, lets just agree to disagree. Its something derails me from what is really important....I am not mad or trying to upset those of you who have helped me immensly, really I am not....I just saw something that maybe I am wrong on, but you all need to realize that I am NOT BREAKING PLAN B....until our MC calls......(that is how he can reach me to talk about recovery....).....

not2fun

Hey NOT, if I was REALLY as dark as I could have been, being completely honest with myself, I could have left or certainly not been out in the open enjoying life.

I really understand what you are saying. It's a given that there is NOTHING you can do to control what WH does. But we can take extreme measures to not enable the fix. For instance, should WH show up at another event where I am at, I will either choose to leave or certainly keep hidden.

Our WH's get something from interactions with us. We can't control them seeing us, talking about us, etc. We can only control that we don't help it out.

I'm not the least bit concerned about your WH getting a fix, just you. As long as you are dark as can be, it's cool. It's quite early in all of this, and you will have your own issues with withdrawal to overcome. Let's just focus on you.

Rough days will come and go. It's part of the process. At first, they may all start out rough.

Heck, after all I've been thru, I still wake up sometimes reaching for PWC. I did it this morning; must have had a dream about what used to be or something. I felt good, reaching out, then I woke up a bit more, and reality hit. It was like he had died and I forgot for a second. Weird. I didn't get sad, it was just an odd feeling.

Hey Jilly - welcome!!

Hey - I'm curious about exposure - was it as thorough as it needs to be? I'm thinking of a certain chess piece that moves diagonally that would be of great help in recovery - the one on the king's side of the board, of course...

it was a thorough as it needed to be.....telling anyone in "the church" would be pointless seeing as though he hasn't been in 15 yrs.

I did my homework....exposure is the one part I get an A for sure....lol

Mimi....

I'm going to reply to you from my thread on here. Now, I realize about him having to miss me. I got that even in Plan A...which is why I am still married and not Divorced.

I go back and forth on what to do about my thread. Yes, I know I cannot be totally honest with him reading. I hate that. Part of me doesnt' care if he sees if I am missing him and then part of does care.

what it all really boils down to is this thing called Manipulation.....

I don't want him to see anything I do there as manipulation to get him back home, nor do I ever want to use my thread as that.....nor do I want HIM to manipulate things from his end knowing what is going on on my end.....

of course, I could be "overthinking" the whole thing.....which I have a tendency to do....

now the other problem we have is that since WS IS reading, if I just "suddenly" stop, he may start to suspect something, and look for me elsewhere......so any suggestions????

if anything can be learned from all of this, I know now that NO ONE should ever tell their WS about this place....ughhhh....

Thanks for getting back to me btw...sorry my sitch has gotten so complicated....

Mimi....

in fact, i think you should delete that last post in my thread. No sense in letting WS get a whiff of something brewing.....he may think that my "darkness" is just a ploy....

I am on the mission to save my M. and you were right about Mortorman. I had forgotten that part....silly me. I realize now that you were just like all of us BS are now...again..my bad.....

So staying dark is the mission...the goal is to save my marriage...and hopefully my sanity.....

Anyway,,,,,think of something....with your absence he may think you have written me off.....

You might need to go back and edit the first post too -- your opening line.

HEAD UP, CHEST OUT..Don't YOU worry about a thing...as long as you JUST DO IT...POWER UP..TAKE CONTROL..TAKE CHARGE...that's all that matters..GETTING STRONG..GETTING TOUGH...having FAITH...YOU will WONDERFULLY SURVIVE...

OMG MIMI......you scared the crap out of me on my other thread.......DO NOT DO THAT to me again......

not a good way to start a crappy morning anyways......

{{{{{{{{{Morning JJ}}}}}}}}}}}

I know that feeling of thinking Mimi isn't around. It's awful.. But she is here so rest assured you are in GREAT hands with her and so many others.

((((Queenie))))

I know...it was just that my old thread was the first one I read....totally freaked me out.......

Hey and again....sorry about the TJ on your thread.....

Jilly

Good morning everyone....

Now it is time to get down to business...I will continue to post on my old thread, because, well because I have to. I will probably let it fade out in time, but I just cant do it altogether. Of course, this all makes me feel like a manipulator, but it is the position WS has put me it.

now,,,,for the update and for my dose of 2x4's that will come afterwards.....

WS finally attempted some contact yesterday. He wrote me 5 emails. I am embarrassed to say this, but I did read 2 of them before I quit. He gave me his "own" version of a Plan B letter. Well, actually, it was more like a Dear John letter. It got me upset (and before I go any further...I did not respond to any of them.....), because as we all know my goal is not to end my M, though I have to say I am feeling bleaker and bleaker with each passing moment.

The second on he gave me his passwords to his email and cell-phone account. He did this, not to try and repair anything, but just so I can see that they are out of contact. Now, I am sorry but at this point, the email account does not matter, because we all know there are ways around that one. It does not take a genius to figure out you can set up a new account.

Now, for the cell account, he ended up changing it again later, but let me know that he is having the bill sent to me from now on....

He changed it because he figured out that if I saw it, he is quite the liar I have thought him to be. Yes, he hasn't talked with her in nearly 3 weeks, BUT they have continues to tm multiple times a day, including the weekend we were at the marriage conference, and all the way up until the day of the cruise. He tm her the day after we got back, but then there is nothing. But that doesn't change anything for me. If anything, it only further strengthened my resolve to see this through, no matter what the outcome.

I have been played for a fool time and time again. this is happening no more. I am hurt beyond words by this discovery, and all the others, that there has time when one says enough is enough.

Now, I know I wasn't supposed to read them, and like I said, he sent me 3 others, which I didn't read. I actually have a friend who will go into that account for me and forward them onto another secret account that only SHE has the password to. This is because the second one was angry and emotionally abusive, and I figured this stuff would need to be documented in some way in case I should ever need it for court. I will also, not be looking at his accounts any more, and when I receive those bills they will be forwarded to his office unopened.

While this was some of the boundaries I had asked for, but never truly received, they are not everything. He knows what he needs to do in order for ANY type of reconcilliation to happen, and that includes everything. No more of one thing and not the others.......

So, there it is in a nutshell.....I will post later on my feeling towards all of this and I have a few questions for you all as well....

Jilly

You need to block his ability to Email you. He should ONLY be able to contact you through your INTERMEDIARY.

Do Quotes or write SILLY, FUN STUFF on your old thread.

Make a DECLARATION that you are now FOCUSING on the POSITIVE and putting the PAST BEHIND...

It's good that your reaction was to stop reading and have everything forwarded. Good job!

I know you are hurting, and I agree with something Mimi said about Plan B not being a place of comfort. It wasn't for me, not for a long, long time . It was torture. I missed my husband and felt like I was losing him, rather than fighting for my M.

Plan B had gotten me out of WH's way, though, and left all his decision making up to him, with no direct influence from me. HE could be as angry as he wanted to be, but he continually found that it wasn't ME standing in his way of happiness. IT was HIM.

This will not be easy, but it really is best if you want to recover. Otherwise, you will slowly lose all respect and love for your husband.

Hang in there, jilly

So YOU see what ANY contact with the WS will do to you..you will lose HOPE and FAITH...

COMPLETELY DARK...

You may slip up SOME like I did..but SLIP UP with every intent of STAYING ON THE HORSE and not being thrown off...

You have to TELL YOURSELF that HE NO LONGER EXISTS..that he is DEAD to you...

Ask Queenie to tell you about SHAKING YOUR HEAD or BEATING IT ON YOUR DESK...WHENEVER you think about HIM...

I slipped up early on. WH called the house and I picked up, knowing it was him. He was all giddy, asking where "I" was, saying "I" was supposed to be 'there' already. Well, it didn't take long for me to realize he thought he was talking to Aimless (his OW#2). I got soooo angry.

I DJ'd left and right, but CLUNG to every word about US

I feel sick right now just thinking about how STOOPID it was to have any contact with him.

Jilly, I can only urge you to wait for ALL the right stuff. Anything less just causes more damage to YOU.

Remember THE WAYWARD is NOT YOUR HUSBAND..

HE IS A PHONY REPLICA...