I have been close to losing my business for several months due in large part to my inability to stay focused and do what I needed to do.

Well, I just landed a contract that will at least for the time being, save my practice and will allow me to keep chugging along with solid prospects for the future. So I am relieved. That was another huge issue ILMH and I have been dealing with along with the rest of this cr*p. So professionally speaking, I live to fight another day.

What should be joy over this is tempered by the pain and hopelessness I feel over my once true love. I posted this on another thread in response to the a question about the difference in our ages (12yrs). It, like many of my posts seems to have killed the thread, so I thought I'd start another to see if it has any legs or if anyone has some kind words or thoughts for me. I could really use it...

Here goes:
Yes, she was young when we first met, but ours was a long and honorable courtship. We took our time, and the age thing never was an issue for us. Our love and commitment to each other was truly a pure and righteous bond. Ours really was an absolute fairytale romance. It continued as such for over 8 years. I thought it was still that way, but have come to find out that she for some reason withdrew and shut me out. It was then that she decided that she wanted to "feel connected" with someone else. The rest as they say is history.

This is part of what pains me so. That she did not fall unknowingly into this. She put herself out there, and when this Dbag picked up on her signals, she was off with aboandon and wanton disregard for everything in her life that I thought she held sacred, even our young son for G*D sakes.

She didn't just end up in the fog by happenstance, she chose it with sobriety and malice. I will never understand how she came to be so hurtful, or what I possibly did to deserve this most horrendus of all betrayals. She knew at the time it became physical, that I was trying to protect her. From him and herself, but she chose to proceed to F-ing him nonetheless.

It is incomprehensible to me. Now she tells me she loves me, that she will never do this again, but forgive me if that rings hollow for me at this point.

I will try to make the best of the situation and I hope that one day I will FEEL close to her again, but today, this morning, it seems unlikely...

I'm at work and so I can't read the post and really concentrate, but I wanted to address this.

I remember last year having the same trouble. Partly it was because I kept changing my post. But then I read Mimi's Plan B thread and I noticed how she would post and get no response and then she would keep posting. I get the need to have people respond and become involved in my life and we are here for you.

I realized that it was my responsibility to keep posting even if people didn't respond because it was helping me feel connected and then boom people would respond. I'm sorry you aren't getting what you need right now from us. We are here and just be patient. Don't you just hate that word.

Keep to the one post, in the end it will help us to keep following along and then one day you will be able to go back and see the growth not to mention have all that wisdom in one place.

I'll try to read your threads and see if I am able to offer anything. The vets are way more better at the what to dos. I am the feeling person.

TTH,

I'm here TTH. I have to get ready for work, but I will put together a response as soon as I can. Hang in there for now. It will get better with time.

Want2Stay

Try,

The age thing??? A time old question and one with no clear resolution. I have a theory and it seems to be born out via my children's lives. Men really don't mature until they are around 30, woman do it a bit sooner, but not before say 25.

People obviously get married at younger ages, but the chances of them making some very foolish decisions is increased with decreased age. I don't know your W although I have posted to her.

My guess and it is only a guess, is that she fell into a common conception of marriage: it is just like living together, it is just like seriously dating, it is just like... My answer is NO IT IS NOT JUST LIKE... But, given that young folks think that way, they have no conception of the commitment, the "becoming one" that occurs in a marriage. Thus they don't value what they have nor what they will destroy when they "change their mind".


This last statement "change their mind" is a product of feeling that marriage is just like... but with a paper.

I cannot assert that your W now "gets it". I would suggest that she is more aware of what marriage really is now, thus for the first time you really ARE MARRIED to the woman you love so much.

You will no doubt have to work through this yourself as all do, but I would hope that your W know has a better idea what marriage really is and how it should and can bind people together for life, so that they may share their life.

Your age difference will make a difference in the "end game" probably, but who know. Now it shows up in a difference in maturity and what you truly value. I do know that she can and hopefully has caught up with you in regards to seeing marriage as more than "going steady" or in a "committed relationship".

Just thoughts don't know if they help.

God Bless,

JL

I know that if I had confronted RB at their shared workplace when I first found out back in August, that it would have changed the dynamic, they would not have been able to continue as they did there...

If I had let MIL (remorseful former adulterer) know what was going on when she was here visiting back in September, she could have done the crying, begging, pleading thing that seemed to work in December, BEFORE it got physical...

I know intellectually that this is a useless exercise, but the idea that I could have tried something else gnaws at my brain. I feel as though I did not fulfill my solemn vow to protect her, even if it was from herself.

I sacrificed my integrity and honor by putting her (wayward) feelings ahead of my own instincts, and the results are catastrophic.

I hate her for what she did. More for her lowering herself to that level, than for my own pain and anguish.

I'm sorry for the rant, but this is my place for that, good or bad.

I know she's "on board".
I know she wants us to get better.
I know, I know, I know...

Unfortunately, what I "know" isn't helping me "feel" any better about myself or her...

Queenie,

you are absolutely right. Sorry, my brain's not really firing on all cylinders right now.

I'll move this over to my other post to keep it consolidated.

I don't know if all the replies will move over as well...

Sorry for the confusion.

Too, you have nothing to apologize for.

I just remember those feelings so much and want to help and encourage you to use this forum in the best possible way.