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Guys I am new here and really need your help. My H has moved in with the OW at in our house. I mistakenly moved out after I heard about the A. We were renting the place so can't do anything and he was paying the whole rent. Now the OW has moved into our house. At one point he wanted to reconcile but couldn't ask her to move out and she doesn't want to. Now he says he wants to make it work with her. He wishes he could come back but he can't. He has now asked for divorce and says if I don't file he will. I don't know what to do.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Welcome to MarriageBuilders, BE...so sorry for the reason, grateful you are brave enough to post.
How long has the A been going on? What have you read about fighting for your marriage, and what goal have you set for yourself?
Have you found out the laws in your area, filed for legal separation and maintenance?
Sounds to me like you understand why BS' are urged NOT to move out of their home...find out the legal implications of what you did, if you can move back in, anyway...and see if any type of restraining order is possible to get the OW to move out.
Read Suriving an Affair (by Dr. Harley), and pick a plan...keep posting for support here...makes a world of difference in how you see yourself in a couple years...regardless of the outcome.
LA
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This is where you can become a real stinker and I say go for it! What do you have to lose?
So what if you rented? It was your legal marital residence. You have no separation agreement so you have every right to move back into your marital home.
Just go home one day. Say that this is your marital home and the woman who is in there is invading your home.
Force her or them to leave.
Fight for your M.
Or you could go dark, dump the loser, and start living free of a cheater.
You have no kids so you can have a clean break.
D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06
DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)
She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.
Never going to happen.
Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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He has now asked for divorce and says if I don't file he will. I don't know what to do. If you don't want a divorce, don't file. Do you have any personal belongings left in the house? Pep
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Welcome. I would get some legal advice. At least figure out how to get your half of the marital property in your home.
However, I wouldn't fight about moving back in after the skank has been fowling your home.
The affair will end that much sooner since they are living together. Have you exposed the affair to everyone?
How was the marriage before the affair?
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Welcome. I would get some legal advice. At least figure out how to get your half of the marital property in your home. EGG ZAK LEE what I was thinking ! If you can't get your "stuff" file in small claims court. Pep
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I don't want to go down on a legal wrangle as I can see that just backfiring. Our marriage had got difficult. I had to spend a lot of time at my parents' as my dad was unwell. Originally he supported me but then it got difficult.
I am willing to dedicate all my time to him but he feels he is in love with the OW.
He thinks our marriage has died and that his feelings have changed. Yesterday he was saying he wish he could come back but he can't.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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His parents know but they support him. They never liked me much which has been part of the problem.
Some of our friends and some support me and some him.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Posts: 35,996
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One part of Plan A is to allow the WS to experience the consequences of his/her choices.
please do not disallow this from happening
Pep
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One part of Plan A is to allow the WS to experience the consequences of his/her choices.
please do not disallow this from happening
Pep What do u mean? What consequences do I let him face?
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Posts: 35,996
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One part of Plan A is to allow the WS to experience the consequences of his/her choices.
please do not disallow this from happening
Pep What do u mean? What consequences do I let him face? You own half the value of everything in that house. Pep
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He says I can take anything I want. If I want to stay at the house I can do after he has found a place to stay with her,he will then transfer the rental agreement to my name.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Posts: 35,996
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He says I can take anything I want. If I want to stay at the house I can do after he has found a place to stay with her,he will then transfer the rental agreement to my name. Hire a moving truck. Pull up, take everything. Leave behind a vase of flowers and a love note for your husband. "Dearest,
Let's start over together somewhere else.
Call me. I love you."
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I miss him so much! We were meant to go and hand in the divorce papers today but he had to go home with her as she was apparently not feeling well. Yesterday I bumped into them in the parking lot and it hurt so much. This is so painful.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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I miss him so much! We were meant to go and hand in the divorce papers today but he had to go home with her as she was apparently not feeling well. Yesterday I bumped into them in the parking lot and it hurt so much. This is so painful. Do you have a plan? Pep
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Brown, Tears won't move him. Your pain won't move him. Seeing you move on WILL. He believes he has you as a fallback. Moving on takes that safety net away. I like Peps idea. It's like the story of walking in someone else's shoes: If you're going to say anything bad about someone walk a mile in their shoes first. That way they won't be able to hear you and you'll have their shoes!  So go with a moving truck, take everything, do as pep says, and start your new life. Moving on will scare him more than doing nothing and crying and weeping.
D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06
DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)
She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.
Never going to happen.
Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 365
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No - when we were trying to reconcile - I tried being understanding - him staying with her and I waited. But then didn't know Plan A, I kept on getting anxious and calling him on weekends when he was with her. She got more clingy n ended up sleeping with her.
Then he felt he couldn't leave her. He felt he didn't care when I was unwell (I have been quite ill) so in his mind he felt that meant he was out of love with me, except he kept on crying everytime we talked about my illness. Last week he asked me to hand in the papers. I ended up crying n said that I would do it for him and he ended up with tears too.
I now don't know what I should be doing.
Should I hand them in - so as calm the OW (n throw her off guard) n then implement Plan A
Legally I can withdraw them at any stage and it takes 2 months for the process.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Posts: 365
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he just text n said we can go today but that will probably mean he will hv to rush back to her (which is why I guess she is faking illness so he doesn't spend much time with me)
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Posts: 35,996 |
Should I hand them in - so as calm the OW (n throw her off guard) n then implement Plan A
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