We've been married 15 years and it's been really hard. We married really young, had three kids immediately and we are both highschool drop outs. We both come from families that raised us in different ways. Sometimes I feel like he has no morals or ethics.

I feel he has a drinking problem. He drinks every day. He drinks anywhere from 1-6 beers a day. He doesn't get violent, but he does have a bad attitude. I can't stand it. The smell makes me disguested with him. So I'm angry that he will not seek help. He has always had one addiction after another. Drugs, now alcohol. It's always something.

He cheated on me five years ago. I have no trust in him at all. Not even with the small things. He lies to me about stupid things. Small things. I can't trust him.

These things are a strain on our marriage. I just feel like walking away and never looking back.

To top the cake, we were arguing last night and he said he wished I would die.

I feel like how can I be married to someone like this and what is it teaching my kids? To except these situations?

He calls me today and leaves messages like nothing happened last night. Asking what I was doing, call him back, he loves me. How can you say you wish someone to die and then say you love them?

What in the world?

You need some serious help to get his attention. i would never say to my wife I hope she would die let alone think it and I have been horrible to her.

I can't offer advice due to my situation but stick around and the vets can give you some sound advice to help.

One thing I will say is that working on a marriage and attempting to heal old wounds is always better then just walking away. If you can't fix things and work out past issues then thats a different story.

Best wishes either way though.

Welcome, Flmom.

Saying "I wish you would die" is really bad. And I'm sure it's confusing when he pretends nothing happened and is being sweet. However, it makes sense when you look at it from an abuse pattern.

The pattern of abuse is Abusive behavior happens... Then a honeymoon period of making it up one way or another and with promises it will never happen again... the victim walks on eggshells and then the abusive happens again, often worse than before. Please examine your relationship with this man to see if it falls into that category.

You may want to leave, and divorce may be the answer for you. I don't know. One thing I do know is that given you both dropped out of high-school and have three children, you can't just leave. (Unless your life is in danger in which case just get out)

If you just walk out the door, you and your children will be living well below the poverty line. You need a plan. First step is to get your GED if you haven't already. I dropped out of college and went back after 12 years to finish it up. Do you know employers are usually impressed when you finish up schooling as an adult, especially if getting a degree is part of a long-term plan.

You also need an employment plan. Do you work now? What do you really want to do? Can you do it and take care of your children? There are jobs out there that will allow you to take care of your children.

The other preparation you need to make is to get rid of as much debt as you have and make sure you close out credit cards, etc. Debt gets divided as well as assets, and debt can kill your financial situation faster than you can imagine.

We both have good paying jobs. He is employed, I am self-employed. We make an above average income annually. I mentioned we were both high school drop outs because this is when we were married so young. Right out of high school. We don't fight about money; we fight about his addictions and our kids. He thinks they should be raised one way, I think they should be raised another.

I agree, how can you tell someone you love, you wish for them to die?

If I were to walk away, I wouldn't have a problem financially.

I’m just so tired of dealing with him to be honest. I'm sure I’m no angel, but how can I go back to the table after someone saying they wished I would die?

He's never hurt me physically and he doesn't abuse me verbally, so this was out of Character for him.

I feel like he truly does not want to be married to me, but stays for the kids.

I'm working on my GED now.

Then get away from him.

You cannot recover a marriage with an active addiction. Ask him to leave and if he gets help, gets sober and truly wants to work on recovery, make your decision at that time. If he won't leave, speak to an attorney and get out of there with the kids.

If you truly believe he's an addict, get yourself and the kids to Alanon. If one person is dysfunctional, the family is dysfunctional. Many people stay married to alcoholics, but that's a choice.
Many abusers also have attachment issues, so emotional withdrawal is common.

Good luck.

I also like what Dr. Bryn Collins says about addictions in Emotional Unavailability. Essentially, addicts are not emotionally available because their main relationship is with the substance. Until your husband stops his substance abuse, he's not going to be there for you.

Oh, and immediately, I would have a serious sit down with him tonight. I would not allow him to pretend he didn't say what he did. This is not a situation where "least said, soonest mended."

Good luck.

I am currently divorcing a man that sounds very similar to your H. My advice is leave. Normally, I am all about trying to work things out.

My STBXH has threatened to kill me more times than I can count and then turns around and acts like nothing is wrong. The other posters are right..it is a cycle and one that will never end.

If you have honestly had enough then get out. Your children are learning behavior patterns that will be horribly damaging to them in the future.

I stayed and took 8 years of his physical, mental, and verbal abuse all because I wanted the kids to have their father. I never realized they never had a father to begin with.

I am out now and divorcing him for the second time. I have never felt better.

Please don't allow anyone to speak to you that way. It is NOT normal and it will NOT get better. It is abuse plain and simple.

Wishing you the best as you make these tough decisions.

ALANON for you and your kids!