My husband left me with three children three years ago to pursue a homosexual relationship and lifestyle. For three years, I have kept the belief God had told me he would bring him home. I have prayed relentlessly, I've been obedient, allowed him to change me, hope in Him, learned his word, learned to go to him and not everyone else, continued to stand firm even when everyone called me crazy, kept going to church and my job, never allowed the depression that was just under the surface to cause me to quit. My 40th birthday was yesterday and all I asked God for was my family to be restored. My children pray daily for God to bring home their daddy, but they see no results to their prayers. Quite frankly the "in God's time" isn't cutting it for them or me anymore. I don't want my reward in heaven. I want my husband to turn back to God, I want my children to have a dad at home, I want my husband back (the one I believed God had chosen for me); I want the spiritual leader back. I do not believe in divorce (we are not divorced or are we legally separated). He lives alone now, the other relationship not working out (surprise). He takes me and the kids to dinner all the time, spends holidays with us and then I don't hear from him for two weeks. I'm tired, I weary, I am desperate for God to move, I do not want to wait 10 years for God to work-my children need him home now. I won't give up-I don't even know how that would look different than what I do now, but I do not know how to keep believing for the impossible to become possible. I keep asking what God wants from me. I given it all to him. I've let him fight the battle and i've stayed on the sidelines praying (on my knees). Regardless of what has happened in the spiritual, I see nothing in the natural. I'm just not sure my prayers, my girls prayers or any of the hundreds of others going up for him is being heard or of any good. I'm depleted and despairing.
