Ok. I don't know what to do. I am dying for an emotional connection with a man around my age (35) and in a similar situation as me (just divorced, I have two little children, and not ready to actually date yet).

The thing is, as I just mentioned, I'm really not ready to date yet. I just got divorced. I'm not healed yet from the marriage (married to an alcoholic). I don't have time or energy to date, however, I feel like I've been putting myself off emotionally for so so so long (not to mention physically, but that's another story).

I don't want to subscribe to match.com or any of those because they charge and I don't want to mess with the way they bill you even after you don't want the service.

I don't know if I'm just going thru some post divorce thing or what. My life is a mess. I live with my dad!! I was a teacher so within the next year, the plan is to get a credential here in my dad's state and get my kids in childcare and get back to work. I honestly feel like I wouldn't want to date till I get back on my feet. So....

Anyone else in this situation????? Or similar??? Advice???

Yup, BTDT, got the t-shirt . I'd say that the last thing you want is to look for an emotional connection with someone in a similar situation as you (i.e. just divorced, not ready to actually date yet).

Such a connection would be based on neediness, which will feel good but is bound to end in heartache, because it would be a "feel the void" relationship, rather than a meeting of two strong and healthy individuals.

My advice would be to spend some time healing, regrouping, and getting used to the single life. Be open to dates, but don't go looking for that "relationship" to fill the void left by the divorce.

And most importantly, make sure you stay away from people who are freshly divorced and are emotionally needy or not ready to date.

AGG

I'm with AGG.

Any romantic, or semi-romantic connection probably isn't good right now.

I didn't have the post-divorce rebound relationship, but I had something worse. I had an emotional affair. But reading here about the post-divorce rebounds, I see many, many similarities with my EA. Based on filling voids left by ex or spouse. Based on neediness, and uncertainty. The relationships allieviate pain for a time, but do nothing to heal the ill. And, essentially, people find themselves using people who really don't fit into their long-term plans.

All the loneliness will come rushing back to varying degress.

Get busy, develop a social network, cultivate interests and hobbies.

Meet people, but keep the men at a superficial level until you don't feel the need for the connection.

oh Dear Lord yes! STAY AWAY FROM THE NEWLY SEPARATED, NEWLY DIVORCED! Take from me, TRUST ME, you will only get hurt.

I will NEVER make that grave error again.

mlhb

PurpleRain,

Please listen to those of us who are actually divorced and have been where you are. Only until you get yourself COMPLETELY healed will you then be ready to get emotionally attached to someone else.

I used to think I was completely healed after being separated for 2 years but once my divorce was actually finalized did I realize how untrue that was. I am now one year post divorce and I have done alot more healing than I ever did in those two years of being separated.

Ronda

Just wanted to pop in and say thanks for the sound advice. I will just chill and work on ME.