OH DEAR ME. I fear disappointment may be his lot in life. I would hope you would take full advantage of this law right away. It would be therapeutic for the OM's soul.

Ahhh, I got you!

Oh, this is beautiful!!

Did you find out how long the A has been going on for?

Who would of thunk it?

aw3,

Know that there is an invisible group right behind you rooting you on. We are cheering your victories and love seeing you change from the man who questioned his every move to a man of action taking control of his life.

Now, a couple of things you must do:

It is never justifiable to grab a child by the throat for any reason. You should document this and report it to child protective services to get a temporary restraining order against your WW.

This is abuse. Don't tolerate her taking any action on your child like this.

NOT RESPONDING to her rants will drive her crazy. Don't fight back. They want you to. The crazy questions I suggested fall in line with Chrisner's suggestion of "want a cookie?"

She needs to see you as calm at all times. You're James Bond, Bruce Lee, and Obi Wan all rolled into one. Think of Obi Wan. He's a man who doesn't like confrontations and is a gentle soul, but he can kick butt when he needs to.

She rants and raves and you are nothing but cool as ice.

Have fun with her craziness. It is humorous to see how predictable all of this is.

How could you possibly have such low morals as to conact his parents? My goodness! Can't you let them fornicate in peace?!

Seriously, protect your kids. She'll have a hard dose of reality when child protective services comes and questions her about grabbing her son's throat.

This will either calm her and give her a slap of reality or send her into more fits of rage. You win either way.

DO NOT let this woman hurt your kids again.

They're old enough to have a say in things and they will rebel in a major way if she keeps acting like this.

Ding Ding Ding!!!!!! Round 3

Abandoned,

STOP!!!!! Don't move, don't talk, THINK.

Someone here just pointed out something you need to really consider.

You were told they met only two weeks before she left.
Yet, many people in OM's family and extended family seem to know about her. Suggesting...this has been going on longer than you think.

But, here is the point. You are about to obtain a lot of information. Some of the information will be hard facts, more of it will be fuzzy. Please stop and think about all of this information.

What does it tell you, what questions do you need to be asking OM's family, his W's family, his W, your w, etc.

Collect yourself, organize the information, see where there is holes, and prepare questions to fill the holes. Further, you need hard evidence, written statements, financial info, whatever and everything to bolster your case. My point, you need to go into this situation PACKIN and I mean loaded for bear.

You may not need it, you may need it to end your marriage, gain custody of your children, and/or have a real "Come to Jesus" meeting with your W. Once she can no longer deny to you, she cannot deny to herself. Once she is faced with the reality of her choices, there is a better chance she will face the reality of her affair, and your marriage.

You are finally getting it. "Nothing changes if there are no changes made." You are starting to change the balance of this situation, exposure does that. As you unbalance this then... to quote Chris :
I do love that statement. It just seem so PERFECT.

Hang in there, once you have figured out what you truly know, what you now have indirect evidence of, then you can speak with your W and ask questions.

Think, plan, speak with your lawyer, and then with your w, in that order.

God Bless,

JL

What was the OM's response to himself still being married and having an affair with a married woman.

I have an appointment w/ my attorney Monday morning.

OM was too busy hurling accusations at me to hear that he was doubly guilty of adultery!

LISTEN to what Just Learning is asking/telling you ... THINK ... when in the last 6 months would it have been possible for your WW and OM to meet and become acquainted. Was there a business trip for your WW ... was OM in your town on business ... HOW could they have met prior to just two weeks ago, when you were first aware of his presence.

Ask the ex-FIL, and the OMW about when they first realized that things just weren't "right" on their end. Put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Once you get a rough time line, then you can start recreating the A from your perspective and get more knowledge to be used to benefit your situation.

Re-read Just Learning's post again ... and try your best to THINK about how all of this LIKELY happened.

ab3,
This is going to be a long and very hard weekend for you. Little tidbits are starting to drop through the AP's blanket of secrecy, and once that starts, it's like a snowball coming downhill.

You've puched a hole into their bubble of secrecy and they are both now in a panic. Bravo for finally taking control of the sitch. They never intended for you to have this much control. They thought gaslighting you would work forever, and even make things easier for them in court.

Now you have been enlightened by THE MB WARRIORS
Guess who has control now???

Do you have a real close friend that you can talk to and confide in? I feel this weekend, you are going to need advise with skin on it! Like a real face to face friend who can bolster you up and keep a watchful eye on your kids.

Your burden is overloaded right now. You need some supportive friends.


All Blessings,
Jerry

Now that you have his phone number you can check your phone records to see when your WW began calling him.

Also, didn't you say she was looking up hotels on the internet?

Couldn't you call them and ask them to check their records to see if OM's name or your WW's name shows up on their registry?

You could shoot off another e-mail to that PI and see if he could help you put some of this together.

AW3,

Don't let her find this place. Don't mention it to your kids. Keep your computer clean. We don't exist.

Yes, you might want to change your nic and thread title to something that doesn't jump out at her, should she find this site.

It is definately time to go through the phone records. You can gain invaluable information for free and it really helps you to make sense of the time line. I did not have access to phone bill (work phone) but I had unlimited acess to his cell phone. I copied all of the sent and received call #s and copied all of the texts. I compared all of this info to my journal that I had been keeping during the fog that I didn't know was a fog and everything fell into place. Actually knowing, while devastating, made me feel less crazy.

Say

And Lancelot and Guinevere have never used a plunger.

Hey, ab, I'd give OM's boss a call and find out if he was indeed fired. If he wasn't maybe you you could give his boss additional information that will get him fired.

Also, another call to your WW's business wouldn't be a bad idea either. If there is an investigation perhaps you could help it along.

One or both of them need to lose their job, other wise contact will continue.

Keep exposing.

They work for the same hospice agency. BOTH were suspended for 2 days only, although I did speak w/ another pastor who is affiliated today and was VERY upset that a chaplain was guilty of adultery!

Ab,

You've gotten great advice. Reread these last posts to you. Reread JL's post. Smart stuff there. By all means listen to it.

Brace yourself...It's all gonna hit the fan. Stay strong. And realize you are probably going to learn a lot about this A, things that are going to hurt. Be prepared. Expect it. Come here and we'll help you through.

You've done well.

Thanks again guys, sorry that it took several 2X4's to wake me up. I guess I somehow expected to win this battle without ever putting up a fight. Honestly, if I hadn't seen how this was effecting my children, I would probably still be her doormat! Thank God I woke up! This will now probably NOT end the way I had hoped, but at least I have taken what control I can of the situation.

oh no, this is more likely to end the way you had hoped NOW because you took action. There is no hope unless the affair is killed, and you have inflicted a HUGE BLOW to the affair today. Your chances of saving your marriage went WAY UP today.

Your marriage can survive her temporary anger, it can't survive an affair. She will get over her anger quick.