He's going through his MAD PHASE over your PLAN B...HANG TOUGH...

You are gaining his RESPECT...

You are also learning who REALLY cares about you and loves you..important and valuable LESSONS...

Yup, seems about right.

Call the Geek Squad, or someone similar, and have them fix the computer. You don't absolutely NEED family for this type of thing, but it's nice.

Say absolutely nothing to the children about this, just fix it, and move on.

If his family is easily swayed and led astray with him, let it be. I learned a lot about my real friends and family during this time. I love them so much more now, have opened myself so much more to those that have loved me thru all of this mess. I am one lucky lady.

Gaining his Respect????? I do not see how these actions show this......I know he is mad..but this is BS (and I don't mean betrayed spouse...)

Now, Life if ok...I went to Mom's, borrowed my brothers laptop...and viola...I am back in business....

Am I still mad??? Yep...I am not sure exactly what went down, but I have an inkling that MIL, whom I have had agood relationship with and have always adored and always helped out wiht, had a hand in it, especially since WS and BIL are not talking. You would thing that BIL would come and do this just to PO my WS, but who knows...anyway, not my problem. and this PROBLEM IS SOLVED FOR THE TIME BEING.......

oh, and I did not tell the kids about it, even though DD14 knows since she got to be message relayer to all this...another thing that ticks me off. Oh, and I still let her go babysit. I was not going to stoop to their level and am not going to punish DD14 for their actions....this is not about that. I am not in Plan B to punish my WS...he brought this on himself by not respecting my boundaries and need for EP....it was time to stand up for myself. Unfortunately, my timing was WAY OFF...but I can't change that now...

Now I have another problem. DD11 is representing her school in the District wide Art Show. She will also (I think??) be entered into an Art competion. Anyway, its a big deal, with a huge reception on WED. night. NOw, I will have to let WS know somehow (no not gonna tell him myself,,,probably let her tell him...) and if he chooses to go, then we will be at this function together....not sure how to handle it, and you all have a few days to offer up some advice.....I did call MIL and left her a message about it.

Which, brings me to another issue. They asked why dad hasn;t been around (dd11 and ds9) and that they miss him and want him to come over. I hadn't explained to them about Plan B yet, so I did that. Also told them that if they wanted to see him all they had to do was call him and ask. I would not and will not stand in the way of their relationship with him. So, DD11 called and he did not answer. In fact, he has not talked to the younger two since last Sat.. And the only reason he has talked to DD14 is because SHE called him twice.....

ok,,,,I will say that I am glad I did a whole new name, because it is nice to once again get my crap out on here withour FEAR of what WS will do with the info. or what he thinks......

JJ,
I'm a mess so I'm probably not the person to be giving any advice...

But... (You knew there was going to be a big butt in here)

Art show... I wouldn't tell him anything.... this isn't to be mean to him ... he needs to realize that this is what life is going to be like if you get divorced... If your daughter wants him to be there then let her call and invite him... and he can take her... you don't have to go...

Do your kids know what's going on? If they don't I think they should... JMHO... Don't tell them to try and use them or distance them from their father... tell them so they understand what you're doing and why...

It sounds like you're haveing a bad day... I'm feelin your pain. and it sucks...

((((Amazin))))

Remember when we were not so discouraged my the war??? Ughhhhh....

Anyway, I am not so sure about the art show. You see, I STRONGLY disagree about only one of us going. She is BOTH of ours. She should have both of her parents there supporting her. I have seen divorced couples put aside their differences when it comes to the sake of the children. Also, I AM NOT going to miss this wonderful award for her just because he may go. This isn't a soccoer game where there will be others. If she was 22 and about to get married, would I miss that just because WS has his head stuck in his butt...(see MY pun...lol). But then again, I know what seeing him could do to me.....like I said, I have a couple of days to think on this......

Yes, they NOW know what is going on. I may need to go back and explain why a little more.

And rough day????? Nope, just a rough marriage.....AFFAIRS SUCK.....



(did you see how I put the Why? I am in Plan B there??? I did that to clarify to others but mostly to myself.....)

The signature at the end is NOT necessary...

You're not divorced...Yet


Would you fore go some of your childrens activities if it meant that 3 months from now you were posting on the recovery thread insted?

He wants to see you... if he sees you... you're giving him his fix...

He needs to feel some pain in order for plan B to work... And I think you did an awsome job on plan A....

If you're not dark it's going to prolong plan B... and instead of being on the recovery thread.... you might be on the divorce thread....

In my humble opinion it's more important right now to not see him than to go to the art show...

If you end up getting divorced... then you can be civil... your not yet ... so stop enabling him...

((((Hugs 4 ya))))

ohhh....noted..old habit I guess....got it done....


Hey Mimi,

Opinion on the art show?????

Did you see how "I" fixed my computer problem??????....


jilly

Gonna 2x4 me till I "get" it, huh?????

Right now, I may not be divorced "yet", but I feel this is definately the direction it is heading. Sorry, but I do. Doesn't mean I stop fighting, but I do.

I also know for me that part of the reasone I got into Plan B in the first place is for me.....I couldn't do the fog/clouds/bs any more. Well, actually, that is not true. I COULD deal with that, I couldn't deal with THAT along with him not giving me EP and COMPLETELY eliminating BOW from our lives, especially his life.....

Ok...Amazin....got your point....still not sure what to do, but the show aint tomorrow, so I don't need to get my panties in a bunch either....

jj

I'm tryin to be sweet.... Not trying to hit you hard with a 2x4... just trying to appeal to your inteligence by being truthful.

I know what you mean....

I'm going to give WW my plan b letter this week. I just haven't figured out how I'm going to have it delivered...

how about the FU Express??????


J/K....this stuff sucks....and I didn't really go out with a stellar Plan A. It seemed to be falling apart at the seams at the end there, and WS was doing a good job of letting me know it. Besides, he absolutely hates the smoking part and I haven't done that completely, so I figured Plan B may be the best time for that.....I got the Chantix...Just need to go fill it..

Tomorrow is going to be spent on yard work in the morning with ALL my kiddies helping, and in the afternoon DS has baseball tournament the rest of the day. It is supposed to be beautiful and sunny and it will be a great time. And no, I don't have to worry about WS being there, because he knows I told one of the MOms about his A (that was stupid.....realy no reason for this person to know....) and now he thinks the WHOLE team knows. Which they don't. One of the other moms who is good friends with the mom I told, didn't even know we were seperated. So if the mom I told was going to tell everyone she would have started with this one. .....

oh well...

nothing like a friday night on MB...haven't done THAT in awhile...

I'm kinda here with ya....

I need to leave in about 5 minutes for my meetings.

You need to quit smoking for you ... not him....

I think one of the reasons I was still smoking was because my wife was... I didn't want to try and quit while she was still smoking... I wanted to quit ... I just knew it would be harder if she didn't quit with me.


Whatcha talkin about? Splain Lucy...

Ok....either WS is shaking me to death or he is done...

He and MIL came and got the Porsche out of my driveway. Surprised they didn;t come and take the rest of his clothes and crap. Well, either way, it is throwing me for a loop and yet it just ticks me off......

This is getting so hard and even though I faced the reality of that this may be the end of my marriage a long time ago and that I WILL survive one way or another......it still hurts just the same.

Which, now means that if he got MIL in this, I am not sure what this will do our relationship.

Oh well....this night just seems to get worse and worse.......

jj

I think you need to arrange for the kids to visit with him every other weekend..through your mediator..for their OWN GOOD..and to give YOU a break...

Don't feel responsible for letting him know about these things.

It's up to HIM really to step up and to be a parent BUT parenting is TYPICALLY not a high priority for waywards...

About the ART SHOW, if he does happen to show up, have a plan to hide out or to ALWAYS be SURROUNDED by OTHERS..like family members and friends...

I can UNDERSTAND how you want to go...

But work it so that there is NO INTERACTION with him...

Have you read MEL'S THREAD about HONESTY with the kids?

Awww... JJ.. ((((((JJ)))))

Don't read too much into the Porche.... He might be just trying to rattle you and get a reaction... Don't give him the satisfaction... just like mimi said... he's throwing a temper tantrum... If he can get a rise out of you then he's succeded.

What I've come to realize is that when I go to plan B.... I'm giving this problem to GOD...I'm going to take a leap of faith that God is going to do what's best for me... And if that means that he has a plan for me to let this woman go and move on ... then so be it... If he reaches out and touches my wife... then so be it... I'll be OK either way.

I'm going to go out of my way to not know what's going on with WW.... I can't handle all the drama.... too much pain and stress for all that.

That is what I was planning on doing. I mean I don't think I should suffer not going, nor should DD suffer not having both her parents there. But no, I was not going to do any interaction, which will probably just piss him off even more.

My heart is breaking guys.....really it is. I cannot believe that it has come down to this. I can't believe that he wants me to take to blame in all of this. He kept bringing up crap from the last 15 years, yet I didn't do that. I mean, come on....I was NOT the only one who failed in this marriage. I was not. And even though I did not keep my end of the bargain, I did NOT go out and have an AFFAIR.....

He kept saying I would always throw it in his face...I HATE THIS.....I HATE IT SO MUCH....this was not how it was supposed to end .....this is not what I signed up for 14 years ago. He keeps doing this so I will end this.....

I am just tired of it.....I am so hurt....and devastated...and crushed......

I think that's pretty common ... At least I think that's what I read in SAA...

JJ...

breath... I know it hurts like hell... You need to try and not focus on him... focus on something else.... your kids... your house.... YOU.... Treat yourself good this weekend... pamper yourself.

You're letting HIM get to you...

You're REPLAYING the WORDS of a WAYWARD...

Nothing he is saying or doing is OFF the SCRIPT...

My H said and did the SAME CRAP...

Bottom line..he wants to continue his affair and cake-eating..and you have drawn a line in the sand..and he is stewing...

Don't let him WIN this WAR by having an effect on you...