Continued shedding the light last night with his best friend (partner at work so with him all the hours that I am not). BF called me to talk about the issues that we are having with my youngest son. Told me that I needed to be supportive of WH as the step-parent even tho our parenting is different. Trust me I have been as supportive as possible. He told me that WH tells him EVERYTHING!! So I took a deep breath and said, everything huh? Has he told you that he cheats on me?? Silence....

So we spent the next hour comparing stories. It was quite interesting because he has told BF lots of lies as well. He has some serious issues that need mental help I think. But I am NOT saving him.

When I told WH that I spoke with BF, he was in total shock!!! Slept on the couch, which I preferred anyway. Tried to tell me in the middle of the night that he was going to check himself into the mental hospital, I didn't react. Tried to tell me this morning that something is wrong with his eyesight, he has eye issues. I said, probably stress, make a Dr. appt. Nothing else.

BF knows the OW as well because she works at the grocery store they frequent before work. Last year after he changed his cell phone number, OW tried to obtain his number from BF. She also told BF at that time that it had been physical. I grilled her again last night with questions to try to find some truth in the PA part. He story doesn't add up and he still claims adamantly that he has never been physical, that it's not his way.

Not sure it really matters at this point.

So all the people very close to us know now. That's a huge step after 6 years!!!

Better late than never. The truth is a powerful thing. So much easier to make hard decisions based on reality, and it sounds like you are closing in on it.

Your H's manipulations are very cruel. You may not be able to see it clearly yet, but it is abuse of a most insidious nature. It sounds like you are doing good at not taking the bait. Be clear in your head that what you are doing now is about YOU, what you need to get through this pain and destruction that HE has brought into your life. You are not punishing him by seeking support or by seeking the truth. You are acting to protect yourself in a very reasonable way. It is not his choice to determine how you do this. He has had many chances to tell the truth.

Consider as well that H's BF has kept secrets from you. He may be useful for information, but he is NOT a friend to your M, and certainly not a friend to YOU. Bear this in mind as you deal with him.

Yes, thank you I did recognize that, especially when he told me that they drink when they go out to lunch or dinner together. That has probably only happened a handful of times in 6 years, but one happens to be this week for lunch. 2 beers. That is absolutely against our moral code in our church and I'm SHOCKED to say the least. He prided himself that he has never drank.

The BF is not the best influence on him anyway, but he cares alot about him and our family so I thought I deserved to have him know the truth since he thinks all of our problems are related to my kids.