Well, she DID tell my 10 year old daughter on the phone earlier that she was "lost." She may have meant literally, but I took it as figuratively. She just could not understand WHY I refused to talk to her any further.

I am praying for YOU and for your WIFE (not WW)

Be strong

Pep

Thanks, I was accused earlier by OM of upsetting his elderly parents and of being vindictive. What his parents and I actually agreed to do was to pray for each other...of couse, AFTER I told them their son was an adulterer and homewrecker.

Informing them that their son is an adulterer and then telling them you will pray for them is the EXACT right thing to do.

Telling the truth and not feeling guilty for doing it is something you need to get used to doing. Your WW will try to stop this.

Big pat on the back coming your way.

Well, it's now after 11pm and I'm packing her things for Sunday morning. HEARTBREAKING!!!

I just found a letter my daughter wrote W 3 Christmas' ago thanking her for all of her gifts and a picture she drew of us with our (at the time) new house!

This is tough, but I must carry on!

Packing and unpacking the memories are the worst. It's like opening wound after wound as you take things out and remember the good days.

The good news is that you're still married and there is hope once the fog lifts.

Just stick to the plan and keep being strong.

Good job man! Its hard as hell, we all know, but you have actually taken the first, hardest, and most important steps toward giving your marriage a chance. It was gut check time for you, and when your back was against the wall, you did what had to be done. Most of us have been there I think.

Do whatever you can to get ahold of OMW. I have a feeling she is going to provide and incredible amount of information. Be prepared to be crushed, but I bet this will also make the last several months of your life make a whole lot more sense. Now way this is a couple week long thing. This has been going for months I bet.

You aren't crazy, you haven't been crazy. Her manipulations are no longer going to work, because you now see them for what they are. You'll watch her try the same manipulative tactics on you now, with your eyes wide open, and you'll almost laugh to yourself at how sad it is.

Resolve to yourself to act from the truth, with integrity and honor. You have nothing to gain from lies, manipulations, or half truths. There is no reason now to settle for less than what YOU need from her. Doing so now will set in motion a pattern of appeasement that will be very hard to break. Your life now is about your kids until your WW SHOWS she is willing to do what it takes to make her worth considering again.

Is your Plan B letter written? You might post it for some insight.

Again, good work taking control of your life. You are in a much better position now, I know for me, the day I found the truth is the day it ALL changed. I'm very happy to see you man up and finally "get" what we're telling you. I hope you get the first good nights rest you've had in a long time tonight!

Working on the PBL, I think it's WAY TOO LONG!

I've just been in the dark so much in all of this...I had ALOT to say!

But, it is romantic, sort of.

Short. To the point. Express your love, express your desire to fix your marriage, express that you have a plan on how it can happen, and tell her your non-negotiable conditions that must be met before it can start.

She is in fantasy land. You are not going to reach her with emotion right now, be it anger, remorse, or love. She is going to twist whatever you say to fit into her wrongful thinking.

Okay, after MUCH deductive thinking last night as I packed away her things, I have come to the conclusion that she plans to be with OM tonight in her new place. I know he is coming up (his XFIL told me so), and I know she got an aire mattress from her mom yesterday to sleep on until she can get a bed from here.

Of course, I am STRONGLY considering playing PI myself and attempting to "catch them in the act." Any advice on what to do or what NOT to do? I do have my video camera completely charged and ready for action. A friend has agreed to go with me to document whatever it is we find, and to keep me from going too far if we find what I suspect.

You guys wanted me to take action...I assure you, it's action I plan to take. Video evidence would not only be incriminating in court, it could also serve to further expose their relationship to anyone else whom I choose to send a copy.

Did you expose to WW's parents?

She has already done so, although she did tell them he was just a "friend." But, they're not stupid...they know!

That's why you should expose. You can not count on the WW telling her parents or any one else the truth.

It would make me sleep better that after telling the in laws that they now know the truth.

ab3,


IMO, you need to rethink that stratergy. Do you really want to subject yourself to a visual nightmare for the rest of your life?
I understand your urgent need to do something, anything at this point, but would advise against this plan. Most H's would not be able to contain their emotions and it is thusly unpredictable as to what your reaction may be.

Far better to direct your enegy into talking to OMW. I don't believe you have spoken directly to her yet, correct? If she is a school teacher, today would be your best shot at contact.

JMHO

All Blessings,
Jerry

Hey ab, I agree with The Road about calling her parents and giving them the truth. I would do that TODAY in order to keep them on the ropes. They may not believe you, though, since she has had a chance to spin the story to them. I would let them know that the OM was suspended from his job and that according to the OM's parents, they introduced her as his love interest on Mothers Day. If they have any doubts, they can call the OM's parents or employer.

And this is real important: tell them you want to save your marriage and ASK FOR THEIR ADVICE in busting up the affair. They will be more likely to want to help if you ask for their advice. Ideally, they would offer to have a chat with her.

But this is a key exposure that you can't afford to miss. The time to do this is NOW while you have the infidels on the ropes. Strike while the iron is hot!

And I would go take a video of the affairees if you think you can maintain yourself. I could not, but only you know your limitations. Like shinethrough pointed out, you may regret the visuals.

Just spoke w/ W's mother (she called me). Told her the truth about OM. Told her I knew he was coming to town tonight and about several other past meetings. She expressed sorrow and regret, but knows she can't control her daughter. She did pledge to speak to W and urge her to stop this madness and possibly even see a counselor...soon!

aw3, You said the OM was a Chaplin and he only got suspended for two days for having an extra maritial affair with a coworker...hmmm

Doesnt soud right to me, could be he (and maybe your wife) have managed to convince the company that this thing is all over. You've got a lot on your plate right now but i think you need to put a call to their company on your "to do" list to make sure they have the true story here. Maybe after you have established how long this thing has really been going on. If he lied to them about the length and current status of the affair is could get his sorry a### fired. Of course your wife is likely to get fired too but dont worry about that. Them working together must end for your marriage to have a chance.

Be sure to tell everyone that OM STBXW's (other man's soon to be ex-wife) family knew all about your WW, inticating that the A has been going on for MUCH longer than she has said.

The "chance" meeting where you both supposedly met OM was ALL a set up.

Why haven't you talked to OM STBXW? Could it be that OM ran interference there? Made up a crazy story about you?

You'd do well to call her father again.

Also, send OM's parents a note THANKING them for their support and prayers. Include a photo of your family.

Also, would you please tell us why you are letting her take a bed from your home so she and OM can 'sleep' comfortably together?

I don't get why you are letting her take furniture from your home. I can see her clothes, but why furniture?

That stuff belongs in your home until/unless there is a D.

I know you agreed to let her have that stuff, but if she can change her mind about her marital vows, than you certainly can change your mind about furniture.

Why not at least put off her furniture grab until you've at least talked to your A on Monday?

Let her take her clothes on Sun. and nothing more.

Being nice is working AGAINST you, ab.