This is the last day that I am going to be taking his calls. If he calls the girls and says it's an emergency, then there should be no reason why he can't tell them what the emergency is. If he can't tell them, then I won't believe him that it's important. I don't really want to speak with him at all.

He came by tonight to give me child support and to get some video games and such. It was weird having him in here and the girls were so excited (exept DD5, she is sick and slept through it haha). It was just odd when he gave them all hugs and kisses and told them he loved him while I just sat apart. It hurt a little. *sigh* But, I will be okay

I'm kind of having a bad morning. I think I realize that I don't need him anymore, but that doesn't mean that I miss him any less. I miss talking to him about our days and all of that.

I was reading other threads and I wonder if he isn't attracted to me while I'm pregnant. He generally likes curvier women and I was very thin when we got together, and I've gained weight since that time. However, I don't remember him having problems with my pregnant body before. *sigh* I don't know. I just wonder how you can be sexually attracted to someone three weeks before, then POOF you're not anymore.

I have too many thoughts rushing around my head today. I wish I knew if he had received my PBL yet. Of course, I understand that a part of Plan B is NOT to wonder, but right now, I can't help myself.

Just remember, part of the purpose of Plan B is to salvage your marriage if possible. So you have a chance to be where you want to be. Not a guarantee, but a better chance than just sitting back and waiting. So look at it as an action forward.

Thanks, CP, I appreciate the advice .

Having issues with DD12 today. Nothing is ever right and she has to argue and bicker with everyone around, especially DD10. I'm trying to be understanding, but she is so disrespectful and I won't put up with that. Of course, DD12 thinks that she gets in trouble for nothing, because she doesn't think she is being disrespectful. *sigh*

We are planning to go to the beach at the end of this month and currently DD12 is not going because of her disrespectful attitude. She is going to stay here with my WH unless she can show that she can be nicer to everyone. I think that she needs to spend some time with him anyway.

Just spoke with OW xBF who sent me a message that he needed to speak with me ASAP. He said that OW came to see him and was upset because she apparently has an infection from sleeping with my WH. Apparently she thinks it's a yeast infection or whatever (sorry if TMI) but she said specifically that she and my WH had had sex (which I knew but didn't want to know as he kept saying it was only an EA). xBF said he had talked about it with his mom and she said he should tell me as it could hurt the baby. I wouldn't have anything anyway because my WH and I haven't been intimate so....

Should I contact my WH about this? To tell him to get checked out or whatever?

Have you been checked for STD's by your doc? That is vital. Who knows how long the affair has been going on.

You should call your OB and tell them about the possiblity of you having something. It is very humiliating to have to ask your doctor to run tests for STD's when you are married, but I just did it myself. It will give you peace of mind.

As for telling him, well my guess is OW already has. Hopefully, it is just a yeast infection or bladder infection and OW is just so young she is freaked out by it.

The evil side of me is saying "wahahaha" (evil laughter), the OW and your WH brought them on themselves. Hopefully it will make OW think your WH is dirty.

I was tested the last time I went to the doctor, which was about a week ago.

I did end up telling my WH about the conversation (he hasn't received by PBL yet BTW) and of course he is saying that the last person he had sex with was me, whatever. THEN, he says, "isn't it weird to be talking to the xBF of someone who has had relations with your soon to be xH and talking about infections?" He just confirmed what I already knew. And, he sounds so nonchalant about saying he's my soon to be xH, like it's no big deal. That sucked. It's like when I finally have it through my head (mostly) that there is no hope, he throws the hopelessness in my face.

I hope that OW thinks my soon to b xH (as he calls himself) is dirty because he is....a dirty, stinking liar and cheater.

I just want to tell him to disregard my PBL, that I DON'T want to build a better marriage because he will never be a better person. I honestly don't think he will ever change enough to make a good marriage with me or anyone else. I feel like I'm just humiliating myself further when he reads the letter.

I'm sure your real husband will be back. He is infatuated and is like a heroin addict getting his fix right now.

What did you tell OW's bf? I think I might tell him that I'm very concerned because you could have caught whatever COOTIES the OW has. He will be sure to pass that on to her. And then she will start LBing your husband.

Haha I wish I had thought of that! I didn't really tell him anything other than whatever she has if she thinks it came from him, he DIDN'T get it from me because I don't have anything. It doesn't matter if she starts LBing him or not because I've had just about all the LBing FROM him that I can take. I'm ready for Plan B but as of right now, I don't want to work on my marriage or any part of it. I just want to work on me and get him out of my life once and for all. I don't need someone who is a chronic liar and manipulator. I don't need someone who would just up and leave one day and neither do my children. I would just rather raise them alone so they can grow up not having to deal with things like this in their parents.

Only you can decide if it is worth trying to save your marriage. Statistics are way in your favor that hubby will be back.

Maybe if this was the first time it would be okay. He has left twice before for a week at the most and came back without any asking from me. I just don't know if it's going to work or if he's going to want it to anymore.

I texted him saying that I love how nonchalant he is about all of this and that I can't wait until I get there too. I'm sure that getting our child out will do the trick. I also told him that I will drop his mail off at his parents house because there is nothing here that he needs. He wanted to come by tonight to pick up this one piece of mail, but I see no reason for it.

He keeps calling now, but I don't want to talk to him. I was doing fine, but now, not so much. That xH part really got me.

Figure out why he left. Are there insurmountable problems in the marriage, or does he just have issues?

Formulate what it will take for him to come back. It has to be tiring to go through this over and over. So you need some strong boundaries and requirements before you let him waltz back in.

He's the one that had problems. There was nothing in our marriage that couldn't be worked out, at least in my opinion. Well, until this stuff with the OW.

I know what I expect if he is to come back. But, I really don't see that happening. Even if he wanted to, I don't think that he would or could humble himself enough to admit that he was wrong and that is what it's going to take. I don't know. I'm just tired of all of this.

They all seem to proud to want to come back, but they do.

You need to keep reading all of the stuff here, and start getting strong for the boundaries you will have to insist on.

That's what I'm trying to do. It will be much easier when he and I have no contact. His uncaring attitude hurts too much. Like I said, I can't wait til I am there.

He called and DD10 answered the phone, even though I told them not to. He asked me how he was supposed to act and said he wasn't trying to start sh%t with me. I know that he wasn't but he just doesn't get it. Then he said that I sounded pretty nonchalant when I called to tell him what xBF said, but h*ll how was I suppose to sound telling him something like that?

Again, I want to tell him to disregard everything I say in my PBL and just go ahead and sign any D papers if I agree with them. I don't see how this could be turned around. He is going his own way with his life and I'm going mine. I don't know if they merge anymore. I don't like this person that he is even if he likes himself more.

Did you love him and want him before the affair?

Or is his behavior waking you up to the fact that he isn't all that.

I loved him and adored him before all of this. He and my girls were the center of my world. However, the way that he's behaving makes me see that maybe I saw something in him that wasn't really there. His parents have always said that he was a liar and manipulator, but I believed the things he said about them. A big part of me still loves him but it's person that I thought he was. Who wants to love an illusion?

Actions speak louder than words. If he was a good husband and father before this, he can be again. If he has family of origin issues and cheating is his pattern, that will continue too, unless the two of you have some firm boundaries and he goes to counseling.

Actions do speak louder than words and if I took him by his actions then I would KNOW that he is a poop (gotta watch my language haha). The fact that he left the way that he did should have clued me in. And honestly, I don't think he has been a really great husband in years. He's been a wonderful father, but husband? Not really. But, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I accepted it as something that he was going through. I just wanted to "be there" for him. So, perhaps his leaving will be the best thing for everyone. He seems to be going on the right track, going back to school, etc. Things that he wouldn't do while he was here. So, good for him. I just know that I can't be there for him now, I have to be there for myself.

I hate the fact that my emotions go back and forth between yes D is a great idea and no, I want to fight for my M. I've got to get it together and stick to one thing. This back and forth is not good for myself. So, right now, I'm sticking with, D is the best thing for everyone involved unless amazing changes are made.