I have been resisting separating our finances because it felt like a step toward divorce. I know, I know: stupid. But all this time, WS has made sure the bills are paid, and dd and I have had what we need.

I had my own separate account with my proceeds of our home sale, and just kept my money going into the joint account to pay our joint bills. WS told me he was going to open his own account, and send me an email settling out our joint account. But he never did.

Out of the blue, on Mother's Day, I get a nasty email from WS. Despite the fact that both of our incomes have been going into the joint account, he says that because I have my own personal account as well, the joint account became his. So, he says that's his money, and I have been spending it. It made absolutely no sense. He ended this email with the threat regarding sending a sheriff to my job to serve me divorce papers if I don't go to mediation with him. Where, no doubt, he expected to screw around with my emotions, get me to agree to craziness, and tie up our marriage into a neat little bow so he could quietly move forward with that ho and her spawn.

As mentioned in another thread, I didn't respond to his email, nor show up at the mediation session.

I looked at our account today and what do I see? He is paying OW's rent. Maybe that's not surprising to most people here. Maybe some of you have been cleaned out entirely. But it stands out to me because someone who has always been such a cheapskate has become such an idiot. He is a person who would complain if I picked up a stick of gum at the checkout, and he's spending money like nobody's business. That has got to be killing him somewhere deep inside, but he's ignoring it because he's buying her affection. I wonder when that will get old.

I guess I should feel sick that they're sharing expenses as though they are married, and I'm the one being told not to spend part of my own husband's paycheck. But you know, something about that very act of paying her rent has pushed a ship that was already sailing, far, far out into the ocean. I can almost see that island where all the 'Lost' survivors have been marooned. Hi Jack!

My guess is, she's paying for her mediation fees out of her paycheck, so he's paying her rent out of ours.

Hm. I guess, I'm the idiot when it comes down to it. Or, at least I was.

sounds like you need to separate those finances and NOW...

i sure hope the portion of YOUR paycheck that was going into the joint acct wasn't paying the HO's rent..

mlhb

Excuse us for not being surprised. My ex went through over $200,000. of our retirement money. He and OW had a good time for awhile.

Protect your finances.

That account is yours as long as you're married and your name is on it.

You know the beauty of it? YOu can withdraw every single penny and put it into your own account.

That doesn't mean go nuts and spend it, but the money in there is as much yours as his.

I'd clean it out to teach him a lesson and put it into an account with your name exclusively.

Go to Plan B. That's going to drive him nuts.

Stay dark and call his bluff.

::raises hand::

Happened to me too, cuz H was being so niiiicce & I didn't want to make waves.

You know you can go to the bank and close that account, right? My bank only required only one signature to close it, and I got the left over money. Which, of course, wasn't much - surely not enough to cover my MORTGAGE!

So my suggestion to you is to close that account yesterday. Feel guilty about taking the money? I understand, but it will pass, considering your only other option is to lie awake at night wondering if he'll clean you out completely with the next hit.

At least you've got a back-up plan.