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<threadjack>
Believer, are you saying that OWH's got his wife back and the Harley?
Tell me he gave you the bike back and said, "I know you're getting the better deal!"
Sorry--didn't know they reconciled. I still think what you did was tremendous...just hope she doesn't get to ride it.
LA
<end of threadjack>
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LA -
Oh, you missed a whole chapter in the story.
For those that haven't heard it (and I don't know who that would be), OW's husband was fighting in Iraq when the affair went down. After 3 years, my WH signed our new 2003 Harley Davidson RoadKing over to me. I felt bad for the OW's husband and signed it over to him.
Less than 2 weeks after the divorce was final, OW moved back with her husband. Things were very rocky for them for 9 months, but now I see them ride by most weekends on the Harley. He is happy and believe me, he deserves it.
TJ over.
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Posts: 365
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I am really upset today. My H is definitely trying to push me over the edge. Couple of days back we were on the phone while i was at work, we ended the call with me saying i am going home. that day he had parked in the same area as me. he left at the same time as me n as i reached my car he drove past me with the tart.
The next day he told me that he didnt mean to n it wasn't intentional n he knew how much it wud hurt me.
Today he was dropping my mobile phone to me and in the morning i asked him whether he was coming alone and he said yes. And then he turns up near my house with HER. after knowing that i hv been hitting rock bottom n am on anti depressants. what is he thinking?
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Brown,
6 weeks after D-day, my WH and OW showed up at a lacrosse tournament and were walking around as if they didn't have a care in the world. He hadn't talked to his kids once before that and just showed up.
When we moved out of our house, he one day showed up with her there so they could pick through the stuff. I wanted to kill him.
REMEMBER, they are MONSTERS. How we feel is of no concern to them or simply they don't care. THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT what THEY WANT.
This is why the plans are so beautiful, it helps you to grasp what you can do to set your boundaries and not be shocked or hurt by what they are doing. BECAUSE THEY WILL DO IT...
This is one of the HARDEST THINGS you will come to understand and even when you do, IT WILL HIT YOU AGAIN..
Protect YOURSELF.... Or LEARN TO... I didn't think I could, but I surely did.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I don't think I can do this. He keeps on saying he loves me but then keeps on hurting me like this. What stupid love is this? You know in the first few weeks when i was sending him texts that i love him, she kept on calling me to threaten me to bak off. Then i get blank calls on my home phone continuously for 1.5hrs one morning. Then a message in the middle of the night asking me to back off B***h. Last week I am getting stalked by some guy near my office which is a pretty upmarket area n i hv never had such things happening to me before.
I am quite on the edge, n then to hv him behaving like this.
I can't cope. She must b a psycho!
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Posts: 27,069
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Brown - Just goes to show you how addicted they are!
Believe it or not, we have had several WH's that brought their OW to the hospital while their BW was delivering their child. Several more have hooked up with OW while BW was in labor.
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And one of the lowest of the lowest was the pallbearer for a man's dead child while having an affair with his wife.
Like Queenie says, they are monsters.
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Humanity must b dead. This is not love, it is just selfishness, and a way of intentionally hurting people.
I don't believe this can b love
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 6,643
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I am quite on the edge, n then to hv him behaving like this.
I can't cope. She must b a psycho! It doesn't matter about HER.. Of course you are on the edge and you probably will be for a long long time. You have suffered a trauma and that HURTS. You can RECOVER... I AM. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but I worked for the recovery. People often say that G-d doesn't give you more than you can handle. I believe he does, but it's at those moments, where you are right now that he wants you to seek him for love and guidance. Do you have a strong spiritual life? Can you just start praying for G-d to help you with your next move. That's what I did. I just kept asking and praying, crying and putting one toe in front of the other. You can do this, because we are here with you and will support you along your journey. i didn't believe that it would EVER be ok. It gets better... And you will learn tools to help you along.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I believe in god, but don't understand what he is trying to prove to me. Why does he keep on testing me?
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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God is not doing this to you. We live in a sinful world. Your husband is behaving like an addict, and he may stay that way for some time. But affairs end, and he will most likely be back.
You need to take good care of yourself and not worry about the OW. She is pathetic.
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Listen to Believer, you need to learn to take good care of yourself.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 365
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I can't do Plan A if H intentionally goes out of his way to hurt me. Especially when mentally i am breaking down, my career and every aspect of my life is getting affected.
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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I tried being understanding, i tried being his friend, but he thinks he can take me for a ride and treat me like a doormat, and then pretend to cry and say that he loves me. When i see him cry my heart melts and i want to hold him and protect him but then he does horrible things like this.
I wanted god to take me to him at that precise moment
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Posts: 27,069
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Brown - He is doing what they do. My ex used to say he loved me all of the time. But he continued the affair. You have got to get it through your head that this is what you can expect. He is not going to care for you like you need right now.
The anti-D's will really help because you can start dealing with him better, but they take time.
How bad are things at work? Have you talked to your boss? I went around like a freakin zombie for about 3 months. I could hardly do anything.
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Work - my bosses know ( i hv more than one). They r supportive but most days i just walk in, sit there all day n walk out. I am so behind with my work. I hv been neglecting my counsellees ( I am in finance, manager level, i hv 6 counsellees who i act as a counsellor to, in case they hv any issues at work or home). I used to be very caring n now i can't seem to care abt anything or anyone. My counsellees at least the ones who know hv been great - almost a role reversal. I feel bad for them that i can't b there for them all the time.
I was known to b a rock, n now i am weak n useless.
God i must sound so pathetic
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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I am thinking of giving up Plan A! Love can't b forced, it has to come from within. If he wud rather b with someone who has stolen n wrecked someone else's marriage then that is a choice he has made.
I love my H n probably will no matter what, but i want to b left with good memories of him.
My real H seems to hv died n i need to mourn him.
True love just seems to b a notion
Married 6 yrs
No children
A started in Dec 07
I found out Feb 08
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Posts: 27,069
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You don't want to give up on Plan A. Because that is the thing that will bring him back. But if everything is too painful for you, you might consider limiting contact with him. That way you can get stronger.
Try exercising too. You might have to force yourself at first, but it will help.
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Posts: 15,310
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Browneyes:
Think of of MBers as PLANS that JUST WORK and that you HAVE TO DO THEM without question. It's not going to MAKE SENSE to you. Have confidence and faith that the plans work.
I felt EXACTLY as you after discovering my H's over 2 year affair. I was devastated. I didn't know how I was going to go on after over 25 years of marriage.
Today, WE have never been happier. Our Recovery has been almost 5 years.
I CREDIT OUR RECOVERY TO the MBers' PLANS.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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