You DON'T listen at all do you???

You desperately need a PLAN and a BACKBONE ... seriously, you are tolerating your own WIFE telling you that she called OM from your HOME phone, so YOU wouldn't know what they said.

There was a PERFECT time to establish a boundary ... "I will not live with someone who disrespects me by calling another man from OUR own home on OUR phone. If you are going to do that, then you need to pack your suitcase and find somewhere else to live."

It is inconceivable to me how you can simply sit there and take this level of ABUSE without taking up for yourself.

ETA: Also, if it were me, that phone would never be used for that purpose again as it would be in a thousand pieces and I would be calling the phone company to discontinue your home service. SOMEWHERE you simply have to draw a line in the dirt.

Just one little note on exposure.

It should take the form of a large tsumani of TRUTH! It is best to expose to those whom can make a difference / influence your WW at the same time.

Incremental exposure gives the waywards time to come up with a cover story / to spin the exposure to not be as d@mning to them.

Make no mistake, your WW will not be angry with you, She will be FURIOUS!! She will likely spout words and vile like you have never witnessed before! Be prepared for this!

Your M CAN survive your W's temporary anger. It CAN NOT survive an ongoing affair!

Bringing the A to the attention of the company means that they can not longer ignore / feign ignorance of the A and it will compell the Company to act in it's own self interest.

Stay Strong!

I just want to clarify, I may not have mentioned it in my post but I did take a stand and told her that she wasn't to call this guy from our home phone. And I didn't directly tell her you can pack your stuff and leave but I did reinforce what I said to her the day before that if she wanted to leave then it was her choice and that the kids and I weren't going anywhere.

No consequences equals no back bone.

Disconnect the phone and make it disappear. When WW asks tell her why it's gone.

Just a quick updated since the other day. I did some more digging and found out that my wife actually hasn't had any contact with the OM for four days now. She says that she's not talking to him anymore and it seems as though she's going through what Dr. Harley calls "withdrawal". She's been a little irritable over the last day with times of being happy then sad. Is this typical behavior for a WW that has cut off contact with the OM?

Looks like withdrawal, but WW could be iritable because her and the OM agreed that it's not safe to have contact for the time being. Thus this could be the reason WW is in a foul mood.

Best to keep checking for NC.

Thanks, I will definitely keep tabs on what's going on with her to see if she's attempting to make contact with him. We have very busy lives due to all of our kids activities so there is very little time for her when she's alone to do anything.

Just a quick updated this morning. I'm working from home today so I was able to dig around while my WW is out of the house. I found a message from the OM that he sent her this morning saying that he guesses that she doesn't want to keep in contact with him anymore since she hadn't called or emailed him since last Tuesday. Of course, she replied to him but was very vague in what she said and not apologizing for not calling or emailing but she also didn't say that she did wanted to end it. Basically just said how she has been sick over the last few days and didn't really want to talk to anyone.

I thought that things were starting to take a turn for the better in our relationship but I guess not yet. And to think, she actually dug out and put on her original engagement and wedding rings yesterday that she hasn't worn in over a year (I bought her a new one for Christmas of '06).

Well, that kind of sounds like someone who may want to end it but is being chicken about just going right out and saying it. Many people are like that - avoid conflict. So it's kind of hopeful.

I'm hoping that she doesn't fall too far back into her fogged train of thought. Like I said in my post over the weekend, it seemed as though she was showing signs of withdrawal from the OM and their EA but was in turn was showing some improvement in her openness towards me.

It's actually getting a lot harder for me to deal with now because I've seen, at least in my own eyes, somewhat of a change in her for the better and I don't want the OM's persistence to keep the EA going to ruin that.

I just intercepted a message from the OM asking my WW to call him tonight if she could. I deleted all records of the message so that she'll never see it.

A thought has come to mind this morning that I'd like some advice on. I could easily send him a message from my wife's account breaking it off with him and make it look like it came from her. Do you think that is a bad idea?

Any dishonesty can come back and bite you in the butt. Better to take the high road. Deleting is already taking away her right to act (or not), although I completely understand and would do the same thing; but I think pretending to be her would just end up hurting your case if it ever came out.

You're right, I think that it would only cause more problems than I already have since I don't think the OM will go away quietly even with my wife telling him.

By the way, read AbandonedWith3's thread for an excellent example of someone who was reluctant about exposure and wishy-washy about following Plan A or Plan B to the letter, but who is now doing things right.

Well she found out that I had snooped in her computer this morning but she didn't know that I found the email from the OM asking why she hasn't called or emailed. She did admit to me though that he did send her an email and told me what she said in her reply which I know to be true since I have copies of everything.

I guess I'll have to be more careful when I snoop for now on and make sure everything is back in place when I'm done.

Today I found out that my wife woke up around 5:30AM to send an email to the OM saying that she's sorry she hasn't been able to talk to him lately and just asked how he was doing.

Everything has been going pretty good over the last few days but all of a sudden today she's been really getting nasty with me for no reason and saying that she's tired of me checking up on her all the time and wanting to know what she's doing.

I don't know what to do next, should I confront her on the things that I know she's been doing over the last few days because I feel that it would be a huge LB and Plan A says to try and eliminate all LB's.

This is why NC is essential to your recovery efforts. We told you that this was likely not over. She has been biding her time, attempting to appease you to throw you off the trail.

I don't know if you should expose how you know what you know, or even let on that you know it. Part of me says that you should not let this pass. Realize that confronting lies and fighting to remove OM from your life is NOT a lovebuster. Everything that makes your WW mad is NOT a lovebuster. Just like snooping is not a lovebuster.

However, if you expose what you know and how you know it you will likely just drive the A further underground. Of course, you are able to see in her behavior how to recognize when contact has happened. It is an invaluable clue.

What have you found out about OM? I would make a concentrated effort to find out everything you can about him. There will be some weak point there that you can exploit.

I know a little bit about him but not all that much. I can't get much from his cell phone number so I don't even know his last name. I know he works for his dads company and the town that he lives in but that's about it.

I don't really want to expose how I know these things because she's already stopped using her cell phone to contact him. It been mostly through email which I can get to via a keylogger that I installed on her computer two weeks ago.

I so badly want to just say to her either stop contact completely or leave but I'm sure that would be a huge LB. I've told her that I didn't want her to talk to him anymore but she just says it's none of my business and plays it off like she hasn't be in contact.

Yes, the contact has slowed down drastically but it's still there.

I just went back and looked and I originally posted to you on May 9th, and you haven't learned the 1st thing since then have you? I could just copy/paste that same post from the 9th and it would still apply to you 2 weeks later.

Since when is STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF a LB. It gets so tiresome to see weak BH's hide behind misapplied MB principles.

You will not see ANY improvement in your situation until you take some definitive action ... but then again "excuses" for doing NOTHING are easier.

Here's the deal ... your WW is having an A right under your nose and you are ALLOWING it to continue. Then you come here whining about your predicament, but refuse to accept any of the advice offered. Isn't that about right???

So why bother to seek advice that you already know you're going to ignore???

If you want to actually DO SOMETHING to help yourself, then start taking some of the actions that have been recommended ... otherwise, why should we bother to help?

I have to agree, you're just spinning your wheels if you don't take the extra steps to expose and ruin their fun. It may even make it more fun for them to find ways to get together. Take some days off from work, visit his company, his family, do whatever you have to to make this not look fun any more.