Okay guys, as many of you know, I just gave W her PBL yesterday when she came and picked up her stuff.

I need feedback from anyone currently in Plan B, as well as anyone who's M survived AFTER Plan B.

Obviously, I am attempting to save both my marriage AND my sanity/emotions by doing Plan B. I could no longer stand the yo-yo of emotions I felt during Plan A, so going dark is my only hope.

Since I'm only <24 hours into this, I'm of course second guessing "the plan" and desperately wanting to speak to my W. I can endure, but I need to see that this has worked or is working for someone else.

Yesterday was very conflicting. In one breath W spouts hope and uncertainty about what she's doing. In another she is spewing venom and being assertive. I asked her to "be sure" about this, and she responded with, "You can never be SURE of anything." She says she needs to "find herself."

Personally, I think she was trying to leave herself just enough rope here to reel herself back in if things aren't the way she has them pictured in her current fantasy FOG.

I KNOW that she didn't even stay in the place she rented last night, choosing to stay with a friend instead. This FRIEND (the ONLY one she has right now) is married herself and has 3 kids. She will eventually have to stay ALONE in her new home...the soooner the better. She has never stayed in our home alone even with the children for one night.

BTW, YES, I did go by the new place on both Sat. and Sun. nights, looking for OM and seeking further proof (video) of the A. I did not find them together. In fact, I can account for everywhere my W went both nights. I didn't sleep at all on Sat., riding around instead, trailing her every move like a hound dog. Remeber, OM lives in a town 4 hours away, though his elderly parents live only 50 miles away.

While I'm not sure if I am disappointed or relieved not tohave caught them IN THE ACT, it does help me stick to Plan B (rather than Plan D)more enthusiastically without the visuals I was expecting.

Let me hear from you. We ALL need one another's support right now, and I'm sure those of us currently in Plan B would LOVE to hear some success stories!

I ended up divorced and will still say Plan B worked great for me. It is still working for me.

Remember, Plan B is not to manipulate the wayward to return to the marriage, it is for the betrayed to remove themselves from the drama and nastiness of the wayward. However, it does frequently give the wayward enough to chew on to agree to return to the marriage. Usually when they try it is on their terms so it is important that they are totally willing to meet the return conditions of the Plan B Letter.

The first 4-7 days can be hard, but almost every Plan B betrayed reports a welcome feeling of personal relief after that. It is a lot easier than Plan A.

Stay strong and do not communicate with her.


Maybe. Maybe not. Don't spend your time in Plan B trying to figure out the mind of a wayward. It is pointless. Her logical thinking currently is on par with a lemur in heat.


Time to stop that now. It’s not very Plan B. As Believer once said, a good Plan B can get a little boring.


Success stories are a matter of interpretation to the eyes of the beholder.

No one can offer you guarantees of total marital recover. There is no magic pill. But the plan has recovered many marriages and even at the loss of the marriage, delivers a path to personal recovery.

Be patient. This could last months.

If you do well your posts now will be about kids activities, visits with friends, your new hobby, and on and on. Just not so much about a WW because you won't know.

Abandon:

I'm not the best one to offer advice because I have not recovered my M, but I have been in Plan B for 9 months now. The one thing that I can tell you is if you are going to do it, do it the right way. I did a few Plan B's which was the wrong way. I broke it several times and let him back in without writing the NC letter and doing all of the things that I asked. That only enabled the A to continue behind my back.

My WH totally misinterpreted the letter and the purpose of it. He looked at it as a Dear John letter and a punishment. Anyway, several broken Plan B's only screw up the total plan. WH lost respect for me because I didn't stick to my boundaries, and I got so frustrated with the continued A (lies, sneaking around etc) that I eventually did the Plan FU thing and he left with OW.

So don't do it unless you want to do it right. You only have one chance for a good Plan B.....

Wayzilla did the same when the letter itself could not have been more clear regarding my love for her, the desire to remain married and a clear path home.

Waywards don't want to see it that way. That is why the most effective Plan B letters are clear, short and sweet.

Again, lemurs in heat don't comprehend very well. Pretty much just...mmmmmm food....mmmmm sex....mmmm sleep....mmmmm spend money...mmmmmmm unprotected sex in public.....mmmmmmm food.....

Oh, and is Chrisner said, Plan B should be for you. I looked at it as a way to bring WS back. Be sure heart and head are in sync!

LOL Chrisner. You are right, they interpret it to their advantage. I need to follow up on your thread and see where you are at this point.

Hi Chai!!




I do too.

When I find out, I'll let you know.

The success of Plan B, lies completely in the FAITH and TRUST of G-d.

He will give you the strength to stay dark and staying dark is the best chance you have.

As Mimi and so many others told me, LET HIM GO... Let G-d work the miracle that he is going to work and you take care of you.

Plan B is hard, no doubt about it. And on my dark days, I HATE it, but then on good days..... Gosh it's nice not being in the drama of the sick wayward..