Hello. Seven years agao, while in the military my wife had an affair resulting in pregnancy. We decided to stay together and work it out. We got out of the military shortly after the discovery and moved to a new city, started over and now are very blessed with our children, finances, church, etc. I love my child (from the affair more than words can say) and of course love my other child more than words can say. My wife and I have had our ups and downs but keep pushing forward. My wife told me a few months ago that the affair was not a one night stand, but was about 8 months long. That absolutely floored me because, during those 8 months I was involved with events that are forever embedded in my mind, so now those memories are automatically associated with my wife's affair. Right now I just struggle with memories and thoughts of her with the OM and just can't drop this mental baggage. I went to this sight 7 years ago to get through the the discovery and it help tremendously. So I am back again with just wanting to hear and discuss how to get a hold of my thoughts of her with him. The thoughts are crippling and preventing total forgiveness and loving her the way I should be. Anyway, look forward to hearing from you all.

I think you will get more help and activity with this over in the general section.

It's why full disclosure at the beginning is so important, it feels like its all brand new again, doesn't it? Focus on the past few years, on what you have built since your first dday. Don't let this destroy what you have achieved since then.

Good luck

Fled

IRSD,

This board is pretty quiet as compared to the infidelity GQII and/or the Infidelity Recovery Board. Though your situation involves an OC, the OC and pregnancy don't appear to be your issues so I suggest copying and pasting your post over at one of those boards (likely the Recovery Board would be best as you appear to be recovered and not considering divorce but merely having a difficult time with new information).

Good luck...this stuff ain't fun for anybody. Dr. Harley's advice about triggers is to train yourself to stop having them. You can't change the past only your relationship with it. Of course, take some time to process this....I am not encouraging you to bury your feelings, just telling you that the only way those feelings will go away is with training and effort at avoiding them...someday after the initial shock has worn off.

I'm glad to see your wife telling you the full truth. It's likely weighed on her and your marriage for sometime. If I were you I'd pursue, as nicely as possible, getting the complete full truth immediately. Secrets are not good for marriages and she's been withholding a pertinent piece of information from you for a long time. You must see if there is more and get it all out there so you both can move forward rebuilding a intimate marriage of extraordinary care. Strike while the iron is hot...she may have given you just a few details initially to test your reaction.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

Does the OM konw that OC is his? If not I would advise against telling him.

Why did your WW bring it up after seven years?

You've had a good marriage and wonderful children. That's why you know and know this from sevsn years ago that it's not time to make any rash decisions.

I suggest a DNA test. With luck maybe the OC is not but a COM.