After talking with my w over the past week, it seems more and more like her affair was part of some sort of mid-life crisis. There's been a lot of talk about tattoos, sports cars, no responsibilities, etc.<P>Now that the affair is over, will she eventually return to "normal" or is she going to be on the "wild" side now ?<P>Somebody, New Beginnings, I believe said you went thur one. Are you back to "normal" ?<P>Anybody else experience this from either side ?<P>Thanks for your replies!

She did not return to normal. I actually didn't like her normal. She is better than she was. <BR>She is more caring, careful about how she treats other people, especially me, and is a lot nicer to me. I'm still holding out to ensure this has been a true change in her personality. I think it is.<BR>She has not said a mean thing to me in a long time and it's getting harder and harder to remember how mean she used to be.<BR>She also went thru some sort of midlife thing where she was spending less time with the family and talking about starting over with someone else. "we're young enough to find other people" <BR>It takes time but when they finally come around it can get pretty good. In fact if it was not for the affair, I would have to say I have a perfect marriage. <P>Of course this could have all been accomplished without the affair.

I went through one but I didn't go wild, I jsut sort of withdrew. BUt I guess I'm back to normal. Maybe I have gone all the way through yet. Too many things started to happen that caused me to come back to life, too many things I had to deal with. So maybe I'm not through yet. But Since my H is going through this I certainly hope that one gains their senses back.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

If you think THIS is fun, just wait till menopause! LOL<P>I'm in a midlife crisis, I think. I wonder what the "other side" will be like ... I think I will most probably KILL someone when I hit menopause.<P>It's wonderful being a girl ... NOT!

RWD: I am still in my MLC. It (my affair and my MLC) have totally changed everything about me. How I look, think, act, respond, everything. My H says I have reverted back to the rebellious teenager I was when he first met me. He also has said that he has always felt that all of this has been inside of me for many years and he was wondering when it would all just bust out. In our 20+ year marriage, he never told me that before. So, maybe during our MLC's, we go back to what we were doing before we were moms and wives and responsible adults. I hope it doesn't last though. It is actually kind of scary.<P>Maya: You cracked me up.

I think my H is in MLC. His entire personality has changed for the worse (incrediable selfishnes and self asorbtion). I keep wondering if I will ever see that sensitive, kind, caring, wonderful man I married. <P>RWD, I wish you luck. I'm glad the affair is over. I read several books on MLC and all indicate it can take three to five years to work through with the actual crisis lasting 1 to 2 years. Its supposed to make them more caring individuals, better lovers and better people in general. I guess we'll find out...if we can hang on in the mist of this pain and turmoil. Good luck

Maya, I'm already there menopause. Actually with the estrogen patch I felt the best I have in years. (This is a little early due to surgery) But Hey I'm ready to go I told my H that I was going to be a hot sexy 50 year old then I admended that to 48 (just turned) to bad he could have stand home to see.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh <P>THE PATCH<P>I will probably look like The Mummy when that rolls around ... won't even NEED clothes ... LOL (what a visual)<P>Maybe Jesus will return b/4 I have to do that.

My H has been involved in the affair for a year now, and was depressed for probably a good year before that. He completely lost interest in everything that was important to him, including his family, and I see no signs of it ending. If I only could be sure it wouldn't last more than 5 years, maybe I could manage, but what if it is a permanent personality change?

Am I back to normal? NOT EVEN... But I'm not waaaaay out there either. For example, I didn't get the tatoo... but I did get a really cute ankle bracelet, and I do have some rather eclectic music, but I stopped wearing tight t-shirts, and I do still wear more make up than I used to, but I stopped reading novels about soul-matey romantic crap. So, as you can see, I'm not exactly normal yet, but so much closer to it than before! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Maya: You are just WAY too funny!! I am sitting here at work laughing out loud! I have read several of your posts, the ones where you are SERIOUS, and I have to admit that you have really expressed a lot of things that have been in my brain. It's really nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels these things - the ups and downs of being OK, the days that you feel God has spoken and you have actually listened, and then the days when somebody needs to pick you up off of the floor. <P>I discuss, discuss, discuss this with my H. It has become overkill. I am trying, trying, trying to make my marriage be what it should be. I pray, pray, pray. Then I don't pray. If this is a MLC and somebody out there has lived through it and survived, let me know.<P>Do we ever go back to normal? I don't think so.

Maybe we should worry about wha is normal. Part of this process is for us to change to. Now I'm not saying drasticly like tatoos,etc. But I can and have gotten where I want to do more things and my way of dressing has changed. I wear more makeup, color my hair, things like that. I know I feel and have been told I look younger. I guess I had gotten to be an old fuddydud. Why do our S have to go back to the way they were? apperently they didn't like themselves that way so they changed. Now if they would keep some of the good changes and throw out the bad (like the OP) things might be better. I just wish my H could see me now!!!<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Nander, what IS normal anyway?<P>Is it a hair style?<P>From what I can see on this forum, normal is a very wide wide scope of area ....<P>And I'm convinced that I won't ever achieve it in this lifetime. All I can strive for is B A L A N C E ....<P>And now just how to find that ... then I win the stuffed monkey with the cigar hanging out it's mouth!<P>Gotta go home! Stay sane everyone!<BR>

My H is currently going through his MLC and no it hasn't been fun anything but. I think that he is coming out of it though. The twinkle is back in his eyes, he cares about others feelings againect. Everyday I see more and more of the man I married. I do agree though that his MLC has changed him for the better,much more paitent and appreciative.

She regressed also, It was like having a 16 year old daughter. In fact our twelve year old was acting more mature than her. <BR>Maya (the mummy), the Mental-Pause thing cracks me up. When I first confronted the OM prior to discovery, I told him that I was not looking forward to going thru Menopause with her and that he could have her. It was at that point I saw fear in his eyes.

Thanks for all your replies.<BR>Maya, you're a nut. I try not to even think about my w and menopause! And I think she is moody and unhappy now !!<P>Fighter, your w sounds alot like mine. She has no patience at all. After not spending much time with the kids for 3 months she still immediately gets angry with them after being with them for 5 mins. adn they don't do what she wants.<P>Also in our conversations, she is back to blaming me for alot of things and doesn't seem to be taking any of the blame. She too is selfish and still has that anger. When I look at all this, I wonder if we have a chance.

My W is having a MLC and WOW I should have known!! She got 3 tatoos in the last year!! She is still with OM but mentioned getting them removed recently!! GOOD LUCK and God Bless<P>------------------<BR>desperate

Maya cracks me up. I saw a lady with a patch on yesterday and I did my best not to let her see me laughing. <BR>RWD, Tell her that the kids did nothing to deserve this. They're kids for gods sake!<BR>Come to think of it neither did you. When she complains about you or the kids calmly tell her that whatever you or then did does not warrant an affair. Calmly.<BR>RWD, over time she has become a great deal nicer and is in more control of her emotions.

My H went through a MLC and is still going through it, as far as I can tell. He became moody (more so than normal), became extremely self-absorbed, and did not care about anything but what he wanted and needed for himself. He always had a tendency to be that way, but it got WAY worse. He had an affair, and left me for the OW, and is now married to her. He has definitely not "woken up" yet, and probably never will, as far as I can tell. He insists he is happy, but I think he is just stuck and can't admit that the bloom is off the rose with OW (now wife - what a joke!!!) I will feel sorry for him when he wakes up!!! It's not going to be a pleasant thing - but he made his bed - now he must lie in it!!!