I was triggered by another thread to start this one. How many consequences of an affair can be named, listed, enumerated, spelled out. And I don't just mean unintended ones either.

Wanna take a stab at it?

Larry

Do you mean things like:
STDs, loss of respect, financial ruin, lack of trust, screwed up kids??

It does appear for some there are positive consequences:
renewed sexual vigour, weight loss, a more honest and open relationship.

Yes?

The only positive consequences I have ever observed came - not from the affair - but from recovery efforts. The postive changes came from implementing the principles of MB. My marriage is great because of MARRIAGE BUILDERS, not because of the affair. It is great IN SPITE of the affair, not because of it. My H's affair caused terrible damage to my marriage, and almost caused it to end.

Another consequence is NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS. Dr. Harley claims this is why he developed Plan B, because many of his clients suffered nervous breakdowns and years of post traumatic stress disorder.

This happened to my poor SIL when my brother left her and their 10 yr old autistic son for a 21 year old ho. My SIL was hospitalized for weeks in a mental hospital. My brother was encouraged to dump his wife and autistic son by my father who said "son, you just have to do what makes you happy."

I guess we should all be grateful he isn't a serial killer. :eek:

I think it is Frank Pittman who says something like having an affair is like burning down your home because the bathroom needs remodeling.

That's the bottom line isn't it?

What BS actually wants to struggle in a M " IN SPITE OF AN A?
Wouldn't have been my first choice, but , notheless, there we are.

Hope all is well.

All Blessings,
Jerry

And then there is the example you give your children. It is 5 years after the affair started for me. Two of my step-children have had affairs. One is the daughter who let my ex and OW stay overnight in her home. She is getting a divorce. The other is her younger sister who is dating a married man with 2 kids.

I often wonder if it is the sins of the father being passed down.

He is remorseful now, but for years he talked to them about "finding happiness" and "doing something for you".

Beleiver,
I think it's more about the wrongful lessons learned from their father.

When a loving and faithful M is not the model presented to them at a very young age, they then feel that being unfaithful is no big deal. My w was subjected to visits to her fathers Ow house at about age 8 or 9. do I think this had an impact into her ultimate unfaithfulness, you betcha I do. FOO issues are often overlooked!!

So sad, I hope your kids wake up. Be the model that they need to immoulate.

All Blessings,
Jerry

It's strange Jerry. The three boys are faithful as the day is long, and always have been with their girlfriends. Only one is married, and he says he will NEVER hurt his wife. (he also does a lot of the MB stuff - POJA and 15 hours a week spent together).

Me, because if recovery is the end result I am willing to do whatever G-d needs me to.

Call me stupid...

Queenie....uhmmmmm...is that stinkin' thinkin' setting in tonight?????

Let

I am struggling, but I don't think so.

I just understood it to mean who would be willing to struggle in a M where there has been an affair and I would. Especially if the end result was recovering.

Well, Both of my parents had affairs. My mom even brought me and my sister around the OM frequently (though it wasn't till much later that we found out that HE was an OM....but still found out at age 12 and 9)....Anyway,,,,,, now I am the BETRAYED SPOUSE and my WS grew up in a house with NO adultery.....go figure???

Consequences.......

Ruined business both sacrificed so hard for (and now have to do again to get it back up...)

DD14 in deep emotional turmoil, angrer and rage...

DD11....angrier than ever

not to mention the deep emotional wounds and betrayal that I have had and will continue to deal with....

Loss of reputation....ws

Loss of respect.....ws

Loss of precious time.....

Loss of an innosense and trusting nature...me and DD14

Loss of dreams and hopes....

Loss of sleep.....

Loss of weight....oh wait..that one is okay....


not2fun

Not, you have mail.

gotcha hon.....

I think one of the largest consequences of A or D is the loss of total family net worth. The amt of $$ wasted and the social costs on a national level is simply staggering. Its a wonder why some congressmen would not push for AOA laws and tougher divorce laws or D laws with cause. The economic net benefit and reduce cost to society would be quite a sum.

There was a report on one of the major magazines (dont recall but will locate url) that the onslaught of boomers retiring may not be as big as once thought. Why? the number of divorces, blended families, having children in the later years. Not to mention the real estate bust (which may take up to 10 yrs to work through the financial system, and many boomers are leveraged to the hilt.

Interesting that the very lifestyle that is advertised and worshipped by many boomers may come to roost.