ok so im in the military married to my high school sweetheart, we love each other dearly but a lot has come in between us. i pretty much made her move back to california so she can go to school while i was still over in south carolina. after she left i turned 21 and stupid, started drinking and becoming this person that i wasn't and of course it reflected onto our relationship, i started to treat her as if i didn't care whether or not we stay together, ignoring phone calls spending more money at bars rather than on her becoming very very selfish. well she visited me in feb. and pretty much told me i only have one more chance, and it was then i realized that i was about to loose this girl that i love to death, so i started to change and smarten up but i was so absorbed into the person i had become it took me a while to finally listen to my heart and find her again. now it might be too late as i have been talking to her recently and she says that her heart wants to work this out and be with me because she loves me, but she doesn't want to listen to it whatsoever because she is so afraid of being hurt again, she says she just got over being hurt and just convinced herself that she can move on from this relationship, and follow through with a divorce. but now with me talking to her recently she is saying that she is really confused and i am making it so hard on her. i know what i am asking for is a miracle after all i have done, but i am ready to be with her and i just don't know if i am too late or if there is anything i can do, if there is any suggestions as to what i can do any further questions anyone has to better understand the situation please don't be afraid to ask. i am willing to do anything to fix this, so please help me as much as possible. i will happily say everything as to help everyone better understand what is going on. thank you.

Ask her to go to one of the harley marriage weekends with you.

A small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness.

Pep *link*

Read and download the questionnaires available



ask your wife to fill out the EN and the LB questions from her perspective

Pep

thank you what questionarres do you speak of and do you happen to know if there will be anymore seminars this year the last one has already passed

what if she is not willing to want to work it out she is scared she cant trust me and she says that it's going to take a while to get over everything, i'm wanting to work this out desperatly but she isn't willing to whatsoever, what do i do?

Welcome, Eric, to MB...

The questionnaires link is at the top of your screen next to the link for Seminars.

There's a calendar you can click on immediately below the Forum titles...where it says what forum you're in...

There are great folks here, like CuthbertCalculus, who have similar experiences and are now in really great marriages...because of what they chose to do...which is to meet ENs, eliminate LBs and follow the rules of marriage.

Read and learn and act...you can't control your wife's choices...you know one of the big reasons was not living together...putting so many states between you...makes meeting ENs really difficult, anyway...is there any resolution for that you can think of?

You can plan...you can rebuild trust...you are half of the marriage. Sounds like you're looking to do amends for your horrible choices...which means you own them, first...state what you did, why you did it (stinkin' thinkin') and why you won't do it again.

When you recall your neglect...call, write, email her. Do the questionnaires, even if you have to fill out hers yourself, guessing at her top ENs...so you can make a plan to fulfill them.

You can make your goal to fight for you marriage...doesn't depend on her fight for it right now...you've got to help her heal from your choices...learn how, here.

LA

"You can make your goal to fight for you marriage...doesn't depend on her fight for it right now...you've got to help her heal from your choices...learn how, here."


how do i help her heal from my choices, just time away from her? not talking to her about or talking to her at all, should i keep in contact with her? and when i do talk to her should i just not mention our relationship issues? she is having her 21st b-day in july i want to go back to california to surprise her i don't know if it would be best if i go after her b-day or beforehand, i know she needs her time and space cause that is what she has told me, and i know she is wanting the 21 experience without any guilt of going out without me, i'm just scared that she is going to try and send me the divorce papers without giving me a shot at this, cause i know she has given up hope on us because she is tired of trying to work it out, but yet she still cares about me a lot and i told her that i am willing to do whatever it takes to work this out, i am just really confused on how to save this before it's too late if it's not already. please give me advice on when i should go home to see her. thank you for your help so far i am going to send her the questionnares this weekend and ask her to fill them out. i will post and let you know how that went over.