He hasn't sent the waiver of service to his lawyer. Didn't give a reason, other than he's on his rollercoaster. Wanted to know if I had retained a lawyer yet since I now have 20 days to respond to the divorce petition. I told him that was really my problem to worry about. <P>Wants to come over tonight to 'see the kids'. Usually he drops by on his lunch hour while the Nanny is there on his 'off' days. But he was too busy today. I said yes. I was tempted to ask him to join us for dinner, but I didn't. <P>He wants to join us for trick-or-treating on Halloween. I said I'd think about it. Daughter is going to be a princess. He suggested we could dress and king and queen. I told him I didn't think I wanted to do that. <P>What is with this guy?!!!

Sounds like he wants to skim the cream of the warm fuzzies with the family without any real responsibibly or commitment.<P>All gain, no pain.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Annie,<P>He is probably thinking the same thing, "What is with this guy?!!!" Doesn't know what or why he is doing this. He sounds so confused. Wait & see?<P>You've been on the roller coaster for awhile and it sounds as if they just greased the wheels for 'ya!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Ani -<BR>Can't someone come up with an anti-waffling remedy? I know - pipe dream. The only way to avoid the rollercoaster is to leave the carnival entirely and we both have the ability to do that but have chosen not to just yet.<P>Your replies were perfect. You are amazing. How do you feel about him skimming the warm fuzzies as FHL so aptly put it? I am interested because I am dealing with the same as you know....<P>Hugs,<BR>Starpony

Yeah, the question I'm starting to ask myself is not "why is he doing this?" but rather "why am I putting up with this?" <P>I'm just praying for strength to stay off the rollercoaster for now. Let him waffle all he wants. Until he does something real, like withdraws the divorce petition, I'm moving ahead.

How would moving ahead look like to your H?<P>I mean what tangible things are you doing in words or actions that would show you are moving ahead?<P>We know he's waffling, but he may be less inclined to waffle if he thinks truly are moving ahead. If he sees hard evidence in action.<P>Otherwise he might see you as waffling, too.<p>[This message has been edited by Faith Hope Love (edited October 14, 1999).]

I think waffling on my part is actually a sign of moving ahead. Until now I've been pretty clear that I want him to come home and I want to work on this marriage. Now I'm not so sure. But I'm still too afraid to let go. <P>Signs I am moving ahead:<BR>1) I'm busier -- more involved with social activities with friends, work, and church. On the evenings he has the kids I'm frequently doing something else.<P>2) I'm going to start redecorating (but I'll admit I haven't done anything yet).<P>3) I'm going to clean out his dresser and his side of the closet (okay, I haven't yet, but I will!)<P>4) I don't try to keep him at the house talking about things. It's been a week since I brought up our relationship at all. I've told him I don't have anything new to say. <P>5) We discussed Christmas and I'm taking the kids back east to visit my family. I will also visit his family so they can see the grandkids. Basically I'm making plans that don't include him. <P>6) I signed the waiver of service. <P>7) I joined Parents without Partners.<P>8) I took a cooking class (he's always been the gourmet cook in the family).<P>A question --- do I clean out his drawers and closet or do I ask him to do it? <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Animac (edited October 14, 1999).]

Keep in mind I have 0 experience in this, but I would say I am cleaning out some things. If there is anything in drawers or closet he still wants you will give him until (date) to clean it out. Be really gracious and have boxes or garbage bags available. Then say you will give the rest to the Good Will. Then do it.<P>Something about actually giving his stuff away like you are sweeping him out of the house sounds jolting, somehow...but how could giving things to Goodwill be a Lovebuster. Sounds like you could score with this without looking mean or being disrespectful.<P>For added pleasure, pick out some things around the house you no longer want and offer them to him. If he doesn't take them, give them away too.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

FHL-<BR>Thank you, as always, for your advice and insight! Since he hasn't even looked at these clothes in 9 months, I suspect goodwill is about to get a bonanza!<BR>-Annie