Brown,

That was the past. And now you are learning to become a new person. As his actions will show you, so will your actions show him.

We can't change our past, TRUST ME, I would if I could, we can just learn to become the person that G-d intended for us.

You can do this. Mimi is that ABSOLUTE BEST. She will guide you every step of the way, I KNOW, she did me. And it probably doesn't sound like it, but I am actually doing WAY BETTER and worked a good Plan A. I even had fun doing it.

Actually, this is ACCURATE. I'm so glad that you recognize this..BUT he will not ACKNOWLEDGE this...he will NOT LISTEN...but like I said, it's IMPORTANT for YOU to know this..


OK. FINE! Remember..from now on, light conversation...

Don't let him steer you off course!!

Only throw in every now and then about wanting the marriage..NOT IN EACH CONVERSATION!!

This is a PLAN, Brown..a STRATEGIC PLAN...not haphazard...

YOU ARE DRIVING THE CAR!!

Q you are so amazing, i don't how you do it, because i am falling apart already.
I now wish I hadn't handed in those papers, i need to withdraw them after he signs them. I am just going to tell him that I need time to digest all of this.
Telling him that I need to make this marriage work, just makes him shout at me, that this was never a marriage.

Can't you withdraw them BEFORE he signs them?


SO DON'T TELL HIM..

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS...

WITHDRAW THE PAPERS...

Brown:

He is a WAYWARD. He WRONGFULLY ABANDONED YOU. Try not to be INTIMIDATED BY HIM.

You are in the RIGHT for wanting your marriage. He is most definitely in the WRONG and should be utterly ashamed of himself.

HAVE YOU TOLD HIS PARENTS? They need to know that she was not just a business associate, that he was bringing his affair partner into their home.

I didn't mention that i want to make the marriage work in every conversation. I just did it today, and i have just been saying that i am there for him.
He just kept on saying that he doesn't belong to me any longer and that I should accept that.

You know last weekend he wanted to even come to the doctor with me to speak to her about how i was.
Today, he is parading the OW as his wife to the parents of some friend of his from the US.

WAYWARD CRAP...

Don't listen to him. He is like stumbling drunk who spews his toxicity and poison. You can't control what he says or doesn't say. But you can prevent it from seeping in.

PROTECT YOURSELF AND REMEMBER YOU ARE FIGHTING A WAR FOR YOUR MARRIAGE.

Everytime he says it, calmly say: "I will not accept that".

If he was definitely finished with you, he wouldn't be continuing to try to convince you that this is all OK.

He wants you to BE OK with this so you can be friends and he can have the BOTH of you in his life...YUCK...

Same old, same old WAYWARD SCRIPT.

Eventually, you will move into PLAN B when you will make it CLEAR that you will NOT BE HIS FRIEND..that you ARE HIS WIFE...

GARDEN-VARIETY WAYWARD POISON.

Mine brought OW to games, wearing a wedding ring and calling her his wife. Trust me, I took care of that one in one of my most FINEST moments.

Mimi, remember how you taught me to HEAD UP, CHEST OUT. You are HIS WIFE, you get to BE HIS WIFE... I don't remember how you said it, but can you tell Brown?

It was most helpful Brown

I thought I was doing well. I am just rubbish at this.
Now i don't know what i should be doing. Should i be making him food (which he probably won't see as friend like)
Should i be calling him everyday (as he never calls me unless i call him)
I can't stop crying, i feel like i am hitting rock bottom.

BREATHE GIRL..... SHAKE YOUR HEAD AND STOP

Mimi is right here with you. Listen to HER. Get out of YOUR HEAD. Focus on here.

Calm down, Brown..

Do whatever it takes to CALM DOWN...take some deep breaths...

You are doing GREAT with this!!

YOUR WH EVIDENTLY STILL CARES FOR YOU!! HE'S TRYING TO FIGHT THAT BUT HE EVIDENTLY STILL CARES FOR YOU!!

He wants you to back off to make it EASIER for him...

LISTEN TO ME!!

Look at it this way...

THE MORE HE TELLS YOU TO BACK OFF..THE MORE HE IS SHOWING THAT HE STILL CARES...

I'm telling you, my H did and said THE EXACT SAME STUFF..

It's a PATTERN.

Your WH is NO DIFFERENT.

DON'T LET HIM WEAR YOU DOWN!!

You are the one that's been WRONGED!! Don't let him have this power over you to bring you down like this!!

His parents know, his brother told me that the whole family is whole heartedly supporting him. He deserves to be happy with her.

Are you sure he cares? I sometimes feel he doesn't love me anymore and that he is madly in love with her. I asked him today that was it all lies when was trying to reconcile with me (this was after the affair), and he told me he loved me more than anyone else and he said that it wasn't a lie. But for some reason which he cannot disclose to me now he can't leave her now.

Q I am listening to Mimi. I am just in a bad state, i just want to numb the pain right now.

BR35:

About this:


She could be:

Pregnant.
Sick.
Broke.
Ugly.
Dead in the Cooler.

Or all of the above. It DOESN'T MATTER.

He made the CHOICE TO LEAVE YOU. That's all that matters.

Let him END this M if he wants to.

You are rubbish at this plan because it is a NEW PLAN. It takes a while (2-3 weeks) to really get a handle on it. Did you ever fall off a bike? Did you learn to ride after a few scrapes? YES.

Please read Queenies/Chai's/Charlotte22's entire threads. They are now in Plan B, after attempting Plan A. As strong as they sound NOW, that was not them when they arrived here. They had to learn about MB. Learn about the WS Script, and LEARN how to fight against it.

Your WH has the ability in the next ten minutes to fix all of this. HE could throw out the OW and move you back in. Ten Minutes that all it would take. We would really like him to do that. ANd he might. But in the meantime, and until he does THAT, you need to work the plan. Because as time passes, either your husband comes back or not. But you WILL be stronger.

This stuff is HARD. Your WH is a louse, and you DO NOT want him back. You want your H back. It's a tough road. And your WH will fight this unfairly all the way. But he doesn't HAVE A PLAN. He makes it up as he goes along. You, however, will have a plan. And that MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

Keep the conversations light and cheerful. If they take a dark turn, into relationship talk, then CHANGE THE SUBJECT. Or, act distracted for a moment, and then say, "Ooops, I forgot something I had to do, call me back later...." and then HANG UP.

LG

So how do I behave with him now?
Do I make him lunch?
Do I call him or wait for his calls (he may never call)

Has your only recent contact been through his calls?

Why do you think his parents have that response? Do you believe his brother? Do you believe they think it's OK for him to be having an affair? Have you met them?

EXACTLY as LG says...I highly recommend following this advice...