Every single day since D day all I do is think about my wife and what has happend to us. It's wearing on me. I can barley do my job. I only sleep 4 hours a day. But I don't know what to expect from antidepressants. How normal will I be? Will people be able to tell? Will I be able to do the things I need to do to repair my marriage Without my wife thinking it's the medication causing me to want to meet her needs and not a true desire? I know I need to do something.

IF you decide to go on AD's...consult a PSYCHIATRIST. Also, please note that the pharm industry was forced to release studies which showed no difference in efficacy with placebos and AD's. You can do a web search and get this information.

Also look up the benefits of exercise (group, aerobic) in dealing with depression.

I sold Zoloft for Pfizer so I know my stuff....I tend to try and get people to steer clear of these drugs until it is a last resort.

i agree with medc.

i am not a big believer in ad's.

wayyy too many side effects and i think they only mask the problem personally.

i think getting out there, taking care of yourself, being a part of the world, and not just sitting around constantly thinking will do you much more good than just popping a pill.

just my opinion.

i was given prozac for pms before by my dr. (what can i say, i am a b*tch sometimes during that time... it was even driving ME nuts let alone those around me LOL)
well, i took myself off of them after awhile. i had NO ups or downs and felt pretty numb most of the time. i also just felt like i didn't care anymore.

i came off of them, started exercising regularly and taking better care of myself and even though i am still a b*tch now and then (and i don't care!) it is better then those pills were.

mlhb

I was prescribed AD's before any of this started in my life, so they have really been a god send, otherwise I would be totally insane. However, if you didn't have to take them anyway, I would hold off, like MEDC recommended, and attempt exercise, journaling, etc before heading for the drugs. If the natural remedies work, stick with them. Who wants to have to take a pill everyday to feel normal if they don't have to?

Everyone is different, but I got MUCH GREATER benefit from exercise and a cleaned up diet along with Omega 3 pills. I took Paxil for a year and it just zoned me out and when I quit taking it all my depression came right back. I don't remember that year I was on Paxil and that creeps me right out. I would rather be dead than not live in my life, good or bad.

I was on AD's at the time my marriages was collapsing and afterwards. I feel they did help me quite a bit but there are various side effects. I did not sleep well while on them and they did not assist with anxiety. I view them as to be used during a transition period where you learn other skills that will get you through your next depressive episodes. There is a great book out there named "Undoing Depression".

Here are my simple tactics:

Exercise as much and as long as you can every day.

Eat well.

Sleep well, the above 2-items will help.

Develop your own interests and keep yourself busy. Now is the time to think about those things that you always wanted to do but never did. I got involved in local politics.

Get out of the house regularly. Go to a movie. Schedule regular events.

Cultivate your friends, family, and neighbors. Now you have the time to show them what kind of person that you are.

Put your needs first. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

Set goals.

Reward yourself for meeting your goals. Reward yourself from time to time just because you can.

Religion can be very helpful in finding some peace in your life.

You may want to clarify whether you're suffering more from depression or from anxiety. I was having mucho panic attacks after my Dday, some nights, when I knew they were together, spending all night pacing the floor, just trembling. No fun. Four hours of sleep would have been a great night for me! Because of the lack of sleep, I fell asleep and almost drove off the highway. I knew I had to get something then. I had to try several types, before I found one that I was comfortable with and that worked. You should talk with your doctor before you're eaten up.

BTW, the meds can't make you want to meet her needs; that can only come from the heart. But, the meds may enable you to better do that.

MEDC running for the hills!

Oh, and let me add a few things about ADS. No one will normally know that you are taking them. They will not make you happy, that is not their function. Instead, they tend to level things out, which can sometimes make recovery easier. If you're not seeing a therapist, I heartily recommend that you do so.

LOL!!

I'm not really... only my ex thinks so and HE doesn't count! HA!

Don't run yet...

mlhb

besides.. i would NEVER be a b*tch to you dear medc...

i mean, how could i? so nice, and handsome, and smart, with a big boat, and hiding a bat key...

**batting eyelashes**

i could never be anything but gooey sweet to you medc..

mlhb

My BS meter is off of the scale...

bs meter?

what bs?



mlhb

It took me 3 months to find the right AD. The side effects were worse than the actual depression/anxiety/panic disorder. Once we found the right combo of meds things got easier. Just started sleeping better these past 2 weeks. Not only did I see a psychiatrist, but also a licensed clinical therapist too. Also I go to the gym every day and run. Excercise was a huge help. Right now, I'm on Zoloft, Seroquel and Ativan. It's been 3 weeks since I've needed any Ativan for panic.

Just be careful what you take and what combo of meds.

I agree with everything that booka said.

I read your other threads and your D-day is still quite recent. I don't know if AD's are the right choice if you are still in chock. After my D-day I couldn't sleep and my doctor prescribed sleeping pills for a short period. He wanted me to sleep well for three nights and so I did.

It was scary to take the sleeping pills, one made me fall asleep almost immediately and the other kept me sleeping the whole night. But it worked! I started sleeping again at night and it made a big difference to me. I think most sleeping pills don't mess with your head, they just make you sleep.

Thanks every body. It looks like no meds for me. But I obsess over this every day, I love her so much. It's tearing me apart inside.

Then you should consider meds.

For many people, they are life-changing and can definitely help you get through this. MEDC is right--you should consult with a psychiatrist because it's important to get the dosage and med correct, and I don't think that GPs are particularly good at this. But please consider them.

I would suggest them only as a last resort. Obsessing over what happened is normal and not unhealthy for this soon after d-day. If he is still stuck after 6 months and other methods have not helped him, then...and only then, would I think meds should be tried.

I was on ADs for many years and am sure they saved my life.

Today, I don't need them. I get more benefit from exercise. But that's today, my M is recovering, and the hurtful things have largely been eliminated.

Here is what I would tell any person in severe crisis:

1. See your doc. Tell your doc. Follow recommendations.
2. If you are prescribed meds, take them as prescribed. Do not go off them without your doc's involvement. Some of them cause horrible withdrawals.
3. See a therapist. Suck it up and do it anyway. If the first therapist doesn't fit, find another.
4.You can choose every day whether to exercise, eat healthy, and sleep on a regular schedule. If you choose to do those things, you will fare vastly better than those people who don't choose to do so. Meds or no meds.

The trouble is, most people who try to make it without meds do not follow through on diet, exercise, and sleep discipline. If you need an accountability partner to make you follow through, find one.

When I first went on ADs, it was for an issue unrelated to my M (or so I thought.) It took probably a year before I got healthy enough to make some lifestyle choices that would really address the problem. I stayed on ADs mostly for another 15 years, at least.

But in the last year, after my M got better, I realized I did not have depression any more. I am OK with out the meds, for the first time in many years. I talked to my H about it and asked him to step in if I got in a severe depression without meds again. We need a safety valve that way. Because Depression can creep up on us and we may not always have the insight to realize we are in trouble and need help.

Most people who reject meds think they are going to try natural things first, then fail at the extreme discipline required.

I think it is better for most people to go on meds for a while, then when they feel a little better after a few weeks to work with an accountability partner to put the discipline in place.

And stay on their meds until it is clear they can attempt a careful withdrawal.

Make no mistake, you have suffered a severe trauma and the effects on you are real and as bad as they feel.

It is complicated and takes a while to get healthy.

I had went on an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant med. after my and my exh broke up. It was MONTHS after our separation, but I could not focus, I would start crying, I would have anxiety attacks for no reason (just driving along, my heart would start racing, would feel like I was going to die).
I was dealing with it. I became obsessive about the 'whys' and 'why nots'.
I saw a counselor, but it was not helping with my anxiety attacks. I finally went on meds. after I started having the attacks at work, AND with my kids. I needed something to help level me out.
I went on the lowest dose, and within two weeks, I felt like ME again. No one knew, no one thought I seemed different. I was like I used to be. I got more clarity in my thoughts. It is horrible to have your mind racing, and you cannot focus. I was not a huge proponent of AD meds. until I had my fall out. And I was grateful that they were there.
As for my side effects, I was a little more tired for about a week, but after that, none.
You should talk to your doctor, and do what will help you. Sometimes people just need a little help. I worked out a plan with my doctor to go off of them after my D was done.