The marriage is recovered!!!!

Don't get cocky kid. (I always wanted to say that.)

It does look like you are mostly on your way. If you keep using the things you learned here, You will probably have a long and happy marriage.


I responded, that I am much easier, she could forget the wings and TV

Sounds like most men.

It is so good to see things going well for you.

PLEASE KEEP IT UP.

SS

Thanks for your support SS, feel lot of anxiety this morning house is in a little state of disaster as I'm finnishing up packing what I need for myself and DS7. I tend to lean toward neat freakness so it causes anxiety.

95% of our stuff is staying here at least for a month or two as we get settled and readjust to each other. We have people interested in leasing the home, as they are being transferred from Ft. Worth. May take it off the market and rent it for a time until market improves. I have almost zero good memories in this house. It has never felt like home, glad I have only been here a short time. But more glad to get the hell out of here.

DD24 called early this am on her way to to DR. office to have some very serious test taken and I could tell she really needed her Daddy. Stayed with her on phone for long time and prayed with her, put the entire schedule off and DS7 was late for school but oh well family first.

FWW called a little later and said she was really depressed this morning but after she spent some time with the Lord she felt better. I know I am the cause of a lot of stress for her at the moment. I simply must continue with a strong personal recovery and not let her down.

Quick note before I go to pu FWW dog at groomers and DS7 from school.

I occurred to me a few minutes ago that for so many years I was the one that my family depended on and came to with problems. I was always the shoulder to cry on, the wallet to borrow from, the one to pray and believe God with them.

How did it ever happen that I checked out so completely through addictions? So much so that my wife turned to another? My kids wanted nothing to do with me and I was miserable and drank myself to sleep.

I must confess that personal recovery is wonderful. Feels great to have the kids coming to me again as well as the wife. Honestly I cannot understand how I ever got to the place I was but trust me when I say that now I really do understand the Grace of God and the penalty Christ paid for me.

Have to run

FWW has called 3 times in last 30 minutes telling me things to pack for her.

I posted on another thread I got a chuckle when she requested I bring the book Mars and Venus in the Bedroom from our library. Said we could read it together. She bought for me years ago and of course I never read it. Boy will I read it now.

Read your comments, but not time to post tonight.

SO HAPPY FOR YOU !!

SS

Recovery is not for the faint of heart.

For the most part it has been wonderful. But the Fing POS OM continues to try to get FWW back into the A.

FWW has been wonderful continues to give me the security I need. Finally gave me ok to call OM and tell him to get Fing lost.

Called him from FWW phone and he didn't answer. On a date I am sure. Told him that FWW asked me to call and for him to get the hell out of our life period.

I am sure we will be ok, but it still hurts so very much that at times I must simply get away with the Lord and weep. He understands when FWW does not.

You can probably get a restraining order if OM won't quit.

Sometimes a letter from a lawyer promising a harassment suite if he doesn't leave you alone will work too. Usually letters don't cost much.

I am sure we will be ok, but it still hurts so very much that at times I must simply get away with the Lord and weep. He understands when FWW does not.

Many of us identify with you in this. He is always there, and he cares.

Prayers continue.

SS

Thought I would give an update on my thread.

I have been with FWW now for a week. Life is wonderful, wife is wonderful. Keep in mind I have not lived under the same roof with my wife for 7 consecutive days since last spring.

She has been very affectionate, no withdrawl or fog that I can detect. Been reading His Needs Her needs together, after chapter 1 I was able to ask her for the first time if she had given herself to OM. I was surprised when she looked me in the eye and said that she did not have sex with OM. I left it at that, was so relieved with that answer that I didn't want to ruin the moment by asking exactly how physical was the A.

She has been very good to let me know that she is with me 100% and that I have nothing to fear. POS OM has not attempted contact since I left him a personal message of my own.

I am really beginning to wonder what was the nature of FWW A with OM. She tells me he simply was a time filler nothing more. Somebody to talk to and have dinner with. If that is true why the hell did I have to move heaven and earth to get her to give him up. I told her that she really lost her mind and went temporarily insane for a few months, she chuckled, I didn't.

Wow, Jim, just wow...

It truly is amazing how the wayward mind works...and how devastating and all-encompassing the effect of the A is on the BS.

So glad to hear the positive update...I guess a real marriage should consist of plan A ALL the time, eh?

L2F

I am really beginning to wonder what was the nature of FWW A with OM. She tells me he simply was a time filler nothing more. Somebody to talk to and have dinner with. If that is true why the hell did I have to move heaven and earth to get her to give him up. I told her that she really lost her mind and went temporarily insane for a few months, she chuckled, I didn't.


I think in your case it was not that you failed to meet needs, though that probably contributed. I think it was Love Busters.

Have you read "Love Busters, Habits that destroy romantic love." By Dr Harley? It was an eye opener for me.

SS

I so don't want to post this but I have to deal with it and the support I receive here always helps me.

Turns out the A was PA feel like D day all over again. FWW didn't try to deceive me its just that at times I only hear what I want to hear. When she told me she didn't have sex she was referring to a specific event that we were discussing.

We R both hurting over this. As I gaze at her pictures on my desk
she is smiling and happy. I haven't seen her smile since she has made full disclosure. She has been very ill and very sad she knows I am hurt and is afraid I will not be able to recover.

As far as me, I would like to make a full 30 minutes without thinking about it. Its not a matter of my forgiving there has never been a question of that its about moving forward and rebuilding our lives.

Several times a day I have been choking up but I am able to recover quickly. Last night she caught me beginning to weep in bed. I simply want to be over this, I have no doubt of my wifes love for me. She has been wonderful and I have always known in my heart that she had given herself to another and I always knew if she could forgive my offenses than I could never hold hers against her.

I am ashamed and I know I shouldn't be. I have so very much to be thankful for, my wife is with me by her own choosing. She affirms her loves for me everyday and my love for her grows stronger daily. I am more determined than ever for a full complete recovery of my marriage.

To the vets how can I help my wife get past the guilt and shame. This revelation came Fri night and I have not spoken of it since.

So sorry that this has happened. It will be best to discuss it with her and that she answer all of your questions. Please don't sweep it under the rug. That just leaves room for ANOTHER affair.

And it will take several years before you feel normal again. That is just the way it is.

Jim, I'm sorry.

You really did know, deep down, that it had to have been...our minds work to protect ourselves the best we can.

Jim, you have nothing to be ashamed about.

Nothing has really changed...you are now in recovery.

It will be tough, but you are up to the task...and it sounds like WW is too...

I'll check up on you tomorrow...long day out here and very tired, but wanted to drop you a line.

L2F

So sorry you have to go through this..... but glad your attitude is good.

If you have relapses, come talk to us.

Praying for you.

SS

Thanks for the support L2F, B and SS.

On sat and Sun I was just kinda checked out. Mon was bad but Tues really sucked. Today I feel okay, the thoughts r already beginning to lessen.

During the really tough days of the A I was told to keep my eye on the prize. Well I WON THE PRIZE and quess what I like MY prize and POS OM has NOTHING but a bad memory of my W telling him he is a lying piece of sh%$^t

Jim,

If it is bothering you to know more, ask her. Discuss it with her, explore why although you KNEW this was very likely it hurts you. If it hurts her, ask her why it does.

Here is the image I have for you to consider. You are both sitting on the coach right next to one another, and you are looking at a picture (in this case a picture in both of your minds) and you are discussing what is disturbing about this picture, how to make it a better picture, what you each need to heal from this picture.

Come at this as a team, discuss it as a team where you are each trying to help the other. You want this marriage, you want your W, you love your W. She knows this and perhaps she wants and feels the same. If this is the case, the best thing to do in my mind at least is to discuss it, demystify it, and analyze it. Then you both can set it aside. You won't forget and neither will she, but the emotions attached to the memory will fade.

You two are doing well. Hang in there.

God Bless,

JL

I know it happened, I know how many times, and I know it was out of my home and I know the time frame.

To be honest thats all I need all I want all I can handle. I don't want everything associated with SF to be a trigger. I am enjoying SF more than at anytime during my marriage and I want it to remain that way. To be honest FWW and I have enjoyed more SF this past week than in any other week since out honeymoon. How can I complain my #1 EN is being met and the LB is filling steady. I see no reason to continually grind the A to my wife.

Wife has been wonderful and with time I will be OK. I really am one of the lucky ones and I thank God for what He has done and is doing in my marriage.

What a difference one week can make, eh?

...or into you, eh?

Are you both reading HNHN? Reading about POJA, RH, etc.?

Plan A!!!

[...or into you, eh?]

Yah No kidding.

Spent some time talking when we went to bed last night. Was able to get some stuff off my chest but have come to the conclusion that the bed is no place for R talk. Ruins the mood and lets the memory of the A win.

I know we will have a great deal more to discuss but I am finnished with the hard questions. FWW fully owns her A, has been honest with me about it and has sought forgiveness. Now we need to work on the M and let the Lord heal us both.

Of course I am still crushed but I also must take responsibilty for my LBs over the years. I get very pissed at moments who wouldn't but overall I am overjoyed at what is happening in our lives. I only had to fight this dragon for about 3 months and yes it was hell but very worth it.

I did clearly explain to FWW that I only have one of these in me. Made it very clear that if I discovered dishonesty I don't think I have it in me to fight another war. I am tired and exhausted and it has taken too much out of me. I have taken on so much gray hair this year I hardly reconize myself. I own no clothes that fit me, I almost look like a clown. But in spite of it all I am a very happy and blessed man.

I have a lonnnnng way to go but if I could give one small piece of advice that so many here gave me.
STOP begging, crying, pleading, calling and make yourself irresistable. In short change yourself WS will notice.

In my sitch I have a wife who can be very jealous and I never had a jealous bone until the A. I used that to my advantage by showing her the man she fell in love with and married and by letting her be a little jealous at the right moments.

This week is going well?

SS