My husband and I have been married for almost 25 years. We have three beautiful and successful children--all of whom are almost out of the house. As I've read through this website I realize how troubled our marriage has been. We are definitely stuck in a Love Buster's mode. I'm so hurt and so angry.

This is not his first affair. Most were emotional in nature--this last one was emotional and physical. This recent cycle of dishonesty has lasted about two years. I found out for sure when I began checking the cell phone bills and his text messages. He did admit the affair--but I immediately went into withdrawal mode. I asked him to leave.

He moved out for about 10 days. At first I was hopeful--he begged me, he begged his children (my kids are very protective of me) to let him come back home. He agreed to all our provisions. His performance was actually pretty good, almost believable. The next night as we tried to talk I realized he was still speaking/texting his OP. I was enraged--he had agreed to break off the relationship before he moved back in--no contact, none. The dishonesty just continues.

I am not reacting well at all. I have MS and all this stress is really bad for me. I do not just get angry--I get out of control. I even scared my children the other night, my son said I looked like I was having a seizure. After the episode ended I did not remember anything I said or did. I know I need to work on anger management--but the MS does not make this easy for me.

When this last affair began the stress caused my face muscles to twitch (dystonia). When I'm not around him the dystonia is still there, but much less obvious. I was so hurt the other day I told him that every time he looks at me he will see the scars of his affair on my face. I know this is a disrespectful thing to say...but in my heart I know it's true. I wanted to hurt him with my words.

For my health, I can not deal with the dishonesty any longer. I've read and re-read this website. I know he mentions the "A" plan, the "B" plan and the "D" plan. I'm afraid we're headed for the "D" plan.

Any suggestions?

Is OW married?

Id you have read here then you know about exposure. It's time to do so before you do anything else.

Expose OWH, WH parents, WH siblings. Do so now without warning him.

They work together then expose there.

I have a name and I think I know who the person is--but she lives 45 miles away from us. I have no idea if she is married. My H used to work at this location but, does not do so now. They both work in the medical field, he is well liked and the nurses will close ranks and protect him. I'm sure he has demonized me. I can get her phone number--that would not be hard, but I have no interest in meeting her or talking with her.

I have told my family, I have told our friends, I have exposed him. Most people are in shock.

They traveled the 35 miles to get together in public places in front of friends we both know at his second job. I can only imagine how our family dentist feels. What do I say? "Hey---I know about the affair, can I get my teeth cleaned?"

I sent him a copy of this website this morning. I do not know if he will read or take to heart any of this material. We need the PJOA in place before anything can happen.

No at all ... you need to plan A. I would pull and fillin ENQ and LBQ as if your WH fillin it. Guess his top 5 ENs and 5 LBs. Work on it.

Now about OW ... how old is WH and how old is OW ?. Find out more about her. "Keep your freinds close and your enemies closer". Figure out about OW and pay PI if you have to. If she is married, talk to her husband. If she lives and have parents, talk to the her parents. You WH will get mad like a dog. This is the only LB that is allows under MB. You need to do it but you have to plan it well.

Hang in there.

-rh-

I am not sure how to get info on the OW. She lives too far away. I've tried tracing the cell-phone and even paid for a trace--still came up as unlisted.

I've read the arguments about contacting the OW pro/con. I'm not sure she matters.

The anger comes and goes. One day I feel sure of myself and the next I'm terrified.

Why would anyone want him back?

Exposure is part of plan A. OW or WH won't matter anymore if you are heading for Dv. However you are still in the roller coaster right now. Wait until you are sure which direction to take.

Are you on AD ?. I would take it until your are calmed down.

-rh-

Yes I am on ADs. As I look back--I started taking them about the same time the affair started.

I'm feeling much better lately.

I promised my children I would try very hard not to get angry--even when my H baits me. So far so good. My grown son heard one of our conversations and agreed with me that my husband does not listen well, hones in on phrases which he then exploits, and does try to bait the conversation. I was so glad someone else can see the manipulations.

I think he's mad because I have a plan and I'm sticking with my goals.

I'm getting stronger everyday.

Keeping your focus on a certain goal definitly help you. Ride out this coater until you feel better. Hang in there and like you said "don't let him bait you".

-rh-