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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 166
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 166 |
Has anyone had this happen before?
FWW was talking about something last night and said 'you know how that place is, you've been there..' She was talking about someplace she has been, but I have not.. and when I responded with 'no, I've never been there.' a look of confusion hits her face and then we both realize that she just replaced OM with me in a memory.
It was ok, no triggers or anything.. we both just chuckled and went on with our evening... I am just wondering if this is common, seemed unusual to me.. and a little uncomfortable.
BH - me - 29
WW - 28
Married 07/2001
D-Day #2 - 03/01/2008
03/22/2008 - NC Established
05/??/2008 - NC Broken (I think)
07/01/2008 - WW 'Unsure of what she wants to do'
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880 |
It would bother the h_ll out of me that she and OM have been somewhere that you and her have not.
Me personally...I didn't chuckle about anything less than 3 months after d-day, let alone anything related to adultery.
It sounds like you're doing well.
Divorced
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 166
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 166 |
We *ARE* doing well, it did bug me but she offered to take me right then if I wanted to go.. It was a minor thing, a REALLY minor thing.
We all have our coping mechanisms.. Mine, is to chuckle at the things that would be funny given any other type of situation. If I let it upset me, I am upset for a week, if I let minor things roll off me life is better for the both of us.
BH - me - 29
WW - 28
Married 07/2001
D-Day #2 - 03/01/2008
03/22/2008 - NC Established
05/??/2008 - NC Broken (I think)
07/01/2008 - WW 'Unsure of what she wants to do'
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305 |
This has NOT happened to me and if it did i would be PISSED OFF to say the least.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
We *ARE* doing well, it did bug me but she offered to take me right then if I wanted to go.. It was a minor thing, a REALLY minor thing.
We all have our coping mechanisms.. Mine, is to chuckle at the things that would be funny given any other type of situation. If I let it upset me, I am upset for a week, if I let minor things roll off me life is better for the both of us. Glad to hear that you are doing well NRO...It sounds as though you and your wife are working together as a team to conquer all this stuff...That's EXACTLY what it takes...I particularly like that she was willing to go there with you right away, and your "act, don't react" attitude reminds me very much of Mr. W's...  Mrs. W P.S. This has never happened to Mr. W and I, but it sounds just like how we would have handled it if it had...
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
This has happened to me and FWH. I replied, "Sorry, wrong girl." My FWH looked sheepish and guilty and said he was so sorry for bringing it up.
Another thing happened one time early in recovery. I mentioned that KC & The Sunshine Band was going to be in town and wouldn't that be a fun concert to go to? FWH immediately got uncomfortable and said, "Why are you doing this? Are you trying to make me feel bad?" I replied, "What? What'd I say?" He then told me that he and OW#2 went to that concert and he ended up getting way drunk and making a fool out of himself.
Adultery... it just keeps on giving.
I've learned now that there ARE going to be moments like this... can't be avoided. It's what we do with those moments that determine if they're harmful.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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