I am a bit reluctant to post here but I have nowhere else to turn. This past year, my husband basically pulled away from monitoring his son's homework and grades. I stepped in because as a teacher, I could not stand by and allow the child to go unmonitored even though he is in the 6th grade and should not need anyone to stand over him.
As a result, he has made the best grades he has ever made- making the honor roll each six weeks. Last year he was a C student. My husband didn't keep up with when he had a test or when assignments were due.
Things were rough at first, but as my step-son began to experience success, he realized I was there to help him and not make his life miserable as the "evil step-mother."
I gave my step-son my Dell when I purchased a new desktop for myself.
Each six weeks, I rewarded him for his grades. So far, he has earned over 150.00 for his grades.
I recently experienced another very disheartening and frustrating experience with my step-son and husband. To begin, my step-son has a book report due this Friday. I let my step-son use my laptop because the keyboard on his computer went out. I told my husband to pick up another one but he did not do so, so I took care of it - getting another keyboard that is.
So, yesterday I corrected the work that I saw on my laptop. When they come back from out of town and my step-son begins to work on his book report and then claims that his assignment wasn't there. I told him I corrected what I saw and that was all the work I saw. He swore up and down it was on the pen drive I gave him...it wasn't.
I know this for a fact because the book report template I had him use I saved it to my laptop. Anything he was saving from then on was then saved to the laptop.
Secondly, I looked at the timestamp from what he saved and it was dated 5/22/08 10:04 pm. There was nothing more than three pages done, yet in front of his father he stated he had done more work than that.
He then tried to pretend that he had not save it.
On our way to the movies, my husband is grilling me...well what if he had done more worked and not saved it...I kept telling him it was not the case....he asked me the same question four times and though I was wrong and his son was right. The truth of the matter is this is not the first time this has happened. I have had to defend myself against this 11 yr old on many occasions and I am not liking the position I am in. There are also several situations in which this child has blatantly lied; the evidence is overwhelming but his father believes the lies the child tells. Truthfully, my husband would rather believe that someone is being unfair to his child than face the truth that his child is not telling the truth - even when the evidence is overwhelming.
I have decided to pull away from helping the child with his work and let his father monitor and assist with his work from now on.
Truthfully, when I encounter these parents in my profession, parents whose children can do no wrong and it is always someone else's fault, I either have the child moved to another room or just don't deal with the child at any level.
In each case, parents have always come back to tell me that they wished they had listened when I tried to help. By that time, their children are either pregnant or in the juvenile criminal system.
I know this is probably not the best method for dealing with this latest incident but I have grown tired of being made out to be someone that is out to get his child. That I am being unfair when the reality is the opposite.
It is emotionally draining to trying to defend yourself against the word of a child against your spouse. Does anyone have any constructive advice for me?
Thanks