Good Mornin' to y'all.....

DD - 9 months ago - affair started 11 months ago - filed for divorce which seemed to bring him out of the fog.

Plan B since 1/1/08 with 7-1/2 weeks of no contact from him.

Now he's communicating with me - affair has turned sour (yeah!) - he is dropping hints of our recovery for "his stupidness"

Problem is that he had multiple sex partners with the OW - her game is tempting men with lurid, obscene sex parties, gang sex, coke, etc. She's single & made porn movies as a teen, so this lifestyle is her norm.

However, it's NOT my norm, nor am I a prude. BUT the thought of all the other women he has had sex with since he left me is turning my stomach.

I've been tested for STD - all negative. He has Hep C from this "adventure"

I've read Recovering from Affair 3 times, but there are NO hints about how to deal with a behavior that is beyond my comprehension.

So, wise Boardies, the question is: "How do I overcome the numbers IF I decide to begin recovery?"

Thanks!

I don't know how you overcome the numbers asnd stuff he did. I would call those things deal breakers.

my ex had multiple sex partners as well. he had them here in our town, would just take home who ever wanted to at the bar. then he went to texas for training and he screwed women there. then back here and at it again.

THAT IS A DEAL BREAKER FOR ME!

i couldn't get over that so i sure cannot offer you advice on how to do it.

i'd think long and hard before letting this man back into your life.

and if he contacted you than your plan B isn't going so well.

mlhb

Hmm... no children? Then walk away IMO. There are other fishes in the sea - ones that won't pose a risk to your health for the rest of your life together.

You have clearly BEAT THE ODDS and avoided STDs and children with this man. Why snatch DEFEAT from the jaws of VICTORY?

I vote for getting down on your knees and thanking God for sparing you and your future children from a life of he11. Then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Take the gift you were given and RUN!

PWP,

After 7 1/2 weeks with the teen porn queen it's gone sour?

Bummer.

Hep C is a big, big deal breaker. Hep C is transfered blood to blood. At least keep the guy at arms length for 6 months waiting for the next HIV test!!!

"of our recovery for "his stupidness""

"Stupidness" is the most immense, gigantic and humongous understatement I have ever read in my life.

And, of course, totally what Miss Lane said. Run, do not walk, to the nearest big D attorney.

One question; if the DD was 9 months ago and Plan B has been going on for 7 1/2 weeks, what was life at your house like other 7 months? Hopefully he was out of the house.

IMHO

kirk

I agree with most of the others. Dump him and feel lucky that you don't have hep C.

For what it's worth, I would smear OW's name (porn and real name) all over the internet after telling WH to go F himself.

Krazy71 - you don't really think smearing her is a good idea? I have to be dignified & not lower myself to her level - right?

You are not lowering yourself to her level until you commit adultery.

I was saying what I would do...to each his own.

Me, I'm the vengeful type.

You just might save someone from contracting hep C...if enough people know she has it.

who knows if he even got it from her? maybe from one of the many others that were at these "sex" parties?

if i knew my h was even capable of that i would want nothing to do with him.

mlhb

True, but with a deadly, incurable disease like hep c, why take any chances? Someone's life could be saved.

i am so sickened to even think about it.

how could you ever recover from this?
every time he touches you you will have visions of sex parties and orgies in your head, and of all the women he was with. "did he do this with them or that with them?" and if he does something new with you you will KNOW he learned it elsewhere.

nope, no thank you. i'd be on my merry little way and STAYING IN PLAN B.

mlhb

Actually, anything they do she would KNOW he did elsewhere, and then some. A roomful of people? He did all types of things that are impossible for ONLY two people to do...in addition to doing everything only two people CAN do together.

Yuck.

i hear ya krazy.

it sounds like a nightmare to me.

mlhb

I KNOW the yuck factor - I KNOW all the ramifications.... what I don't know is if anyone else's husband lost their mind during the affair & had more than 1 partner.....

I can beat myself up with the visuals & possibilities - I don't need it repeated. I need a crumb of advice from anyone who went through this sordid twist of events.

yes, as i said above, my husband had multiple affairs with more women than i can count.

my crumb of advise is: move on.

my marriage did NOT recover because of the multiple infidelities.

serial cheaters RARELY change.

mlhb

No one has to forgive. Do you have children, how old are you, how long have you been married?

HC, oooooh! Consult with your doc about the risk factor for you.

He is a repeat offender. I've yet to see real success from anyone who has dealt with repeat offenders, including myself.

If you have no children, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! You are already away from him. He's probably feeling some guilt and seeing that the grass is not greener on the other side, HOWEVER...you don't know what underlying issues he has that cause him to act out like this. (e.g. addiction, etc.)

Go take care of you and find a man that will respect who you are!

""serial cheaters RARELY change.""

I believe this is a big part of how they identify themselves.

Its who they are.

Going back to the Playboy philosophy or something.

If you have no children together, then my advice is to divorce.

You cannot SAVE him. He has to choose to fix himself. In my experience, taking on recovery with someone who does not come to it willingly, in terms of changing themselves, is a total uphill battle all the way, with very slim chance for success, if a MB marriage is what you are after.