Not sure if I can help or not. Frankly, I don't know how cheating can be whittled down to 'how many partners'. Does the pain for the BS get worse with more partners? If so then I win, 6 OM!!!

Maybe my circumstances are not the same as yours PWP but I can say it is possible to move on from a situation involving multiple partners. I guess it depends on the reasons. Does your WS have a problem with sex addiction?


My wife is an incest survivor (her biological father). It totally screwed her up. She's 2 years into therapy and improving. I'm proof you can get past the multiple partner issue.

I would add that your WS's committtment to the marriage is of the utmost importance.

Feel free to ask any questions. I don't know if there is a private message feature on this site or not but if so, feel free to PM me.

Interesting response - the OW is supposedly a child incest person - which is her "excuse" for her current behavior and porn history.

When he did approach me about recovery - he used the term "addiction" to explain how he wanted more & more of the scenes she offered. It was very out-of-character for him.

You hit the nail on the head with the number - 1 is just as painful as many. It all occurred during the time he's been gone & living with her.

Don't be so quick to put 'excuse' in quotes. I realize sympathy is the last thing you may feel for this woman but know this; 95% of workers in the porn industry were sexually abused as children. It's a very dirty secret right under our noses.

Again, I don't know your husbands issues, only my wife's.

Alot of people were abused, it does not entitle them to act sleazy and harm others when they grow up. There is no excuse. There is no excuse for adultery. Once we hit 18, we are fully responsible for our own behavior.

No they are not entitled. However they are human beings who were, in many cases, terribly abused. While not an excuse for their behavior, it very well may be a reason.

My wife had daddy come into her bedroom at night to have sex with her. Do you think that might affect a childs development?

The more I read your post ML the angrier it makes me. Do you hold some doctorate that you can make such a firm and absolute decision for the rest of humanity?

I'm speechless and livid.

I pray you never have to deal with something so terrible.

RIGHT ON MEL..!!!!

With that in mind, remember nearly 95% of all child molesters were victims of child sexual abuse....Does THAT justify their actions????


Society would say no.....I would say no....the children who suffer from their hands would say no....and I know you all are going to say this is completely different, but I say its not. I would not excuse this womans behaviour any more than child molesters and vice versa....

The way you describe this woman, you are taking the responsiblity for your WH's choices out of his hands and putting it in OW's, as if he could not help himself. He could.

It doesn't matter one bit what OW's GAME is, it matters only what your WS has chosen and how you relate to him. That's it. He's not a victim of anybody.

Of course, but once we grow up we are responsible for our own behavior. Many of us were sexually abused, iam, it does not give us license to steal. I doubt anyone ever had a perfect childhood. When we hit 18, the buck stops right here and its time to stop crying about our childhood.

I have. And today is today; yesterday is yesterday.

Don't blame the prostitute because your spouse goes to her.

Blame your spouse.

I feel more sorry for the prostitute. Odds are she was abused and is still abusing herself out of guilt.

Yes, for you. Not everyone is you.

You've no right to judge everyone to your standard.

iams, odds are she is just a sorry wh*re who has no excuse for her sleazy behavior. Just the same as the john who pays her. Please lets not try and turn sin into "sydrome." It doesn't matter how sorry her childhood ws, it does NOT excuse sinful behavior.

Yes, I do. I have a right to judge that adultery is evil and sinful no matter how "terrible" someone's childhood was. Again, iam, you seem to be under the illusion that anyone with a poor childhood gets a PASS! That ain't how it works.

Blameshifting our wrongdoing on others is not the answer.

You may be right. But I won't judge her.

I would have thought someone here with nearly 30k in posts would not judge her. The OP didn't ask anyone to judge her. Actually she begged people to help her deal with an WS who had multiple partners. I attempted to do so from experience. You decided to throw around words like wh0re.

Is that helping the OP?

Frankly, I don't care if you have 100K posts, you have no right to judge anybody.

gonna have to respectfully disagree with that Mel.

A child of incest and rape who has never had any C or a mentor to walk them out of that dark place, will probably remain frozen in that place forever, JMHO.

It's a tragedy that invades our society all the time.

Being 18 or 38, means nothing to a victom who is frozen at 13.
They will always be there until help is afforded.

Again, JMHO.

All blessings,
Jerry

You have no idea if "I give a pass". You are judging again.

Yes, adultery is evil. It always will be. However, I've been instructed to hate the sin, not the sinner. Maybe you think differently.

I hold my wife completely responsible for her actions.

I also understand them in relation to her childhood.

I never said she 'gets a pass' or is not accountable.

I just try to understand.

I HAVE blamed him.... PLENTY! LOUDLY! REPEATEDLY!

She is deliberate in her actions and she brags of her game to seduce married men and take them for all the $$ they have.

She is responsible for her behavior & her rights stop at the door of our marital home - no matter WHAT occurred 35 years ago.

Well, of course I am judging. You are giving folks a pass with your unwarranted sympathy.

Your unwarranted pity might make you feel good, but it does no one any good. Affording pity for wrongdoing only serves to EXCUSE AND ENABLE wrongdoing. How do you figure that helps the wrongdoer? Believe me, it doesn't. That is not an act of love.

If you want help others, help them BE GOOD instead of manufacturing rationalizations for bad behavior. The way to change is to take accountability for bad behavior. That is the FIRST STEP. Your pity is inappropriate and destructive because it only enables.

And as an abuse survivor, I find your pity downright insulting. Your implication is that we somehow too stupid/retarded to take accountability for our actions just like everyone else. Having a bad childhood does render us retarded and unable to be honest and accountable. We are not entitled to act like pigs and are fully capable of stepping up to the plate like big boys and girls and taking accountability. We are not any less of a human being than the next guy.