I have read frequently on the board how some have exposed to the waywards employer. In my case, I am worried that the wayward or employer could file charges for harrasment. Has anyone every had a problem with this or does the law give us the right to do this? Just wondering.

I exposed to WH employer, who is also OW employer. The CEO asked me not to send anymore emails. I did not.

It is not harassment to expose - it IS harassment to continue after you have been asked to stop.

WH has sent me emails telling me I almost got a lawsuit over trying to get them fired. "Almost" means diddly. Be careful how things are worded when you expose to the employer. No venom, no anger.....just the facts and possibly a plea for prayers and support.

My exposure to WH employer:

Friend/Coworker of WH,

I understand the word of WH and his affair has been spreading like wild fire around XXXX, so I'm sure you've now become aware of it. As far as I know, it started in late June and is on-going as of today. I write you because you are among WH's most trusted and loved work colleagues and because you each have had the opportunity to observe WH and I and our marriage over a number of years. You are witnesses to WH deep love for me, our marriage, and our children which has become clouded by his addiction to his new "friend". This affair has taken an obvious toll on our marriage and family. At this time, I don't know who his "friend" is, other than that she works in the office with all of you and her cell phone number is xxx-xxxx. Any information one of you can provide with regards to her identity would be greatly appreciated. Not for retaliation purposes (HE is making the choice) but for protection purposes. I do not want our daughters exposed to this. You may email me, leave a message on my home phone xxx-xxxx(WH no longer lives there), or call me at work xxx-xxxx and just provide a name....you don't need to identify yourself if you prefer not to. My intent is not to embarrass WH or his "friend" but to expose the affair for what it is, an incredibly cruel and hurtful and devastating experience for me and my daughters and in the end WH too. Let it try to survive the light of day and the eyes of others.............

I want you to know that I love WH with all my heart and I will do whatever it takes to save our marriage and keep our family intact. I am desperate to save our children from this tragedy. Any love, support, and prayer that you can provide will be greatly appreciated. I am trying to get through this the best way I can with my dignity and self-respect intact. Some of you may think this contact was inappropriate but he has to face the consequences for his actions, his actions have a direct affect on his wife and daughters. Lies and deceit from the person you trust the most call for drastic measures.

If this is your first hearing of this, I apologize, but it would only be a matter of time before word spread to you.




As an aside, in the interest of (company name), if WH "friend" turns on him, (company name) could be in the middle of a sexual harassment case.


Sincerely,
BS



This was sent to more than just WH's superiors. It was also sent to co-workers who had influence over him. WH worked at this company for 10 years at the time.

I did find out who WH's "friend" was and sent an email to her also.

There is nothing unlawful about exposing the truth to an employer. Since the company can be legally liable, they have a need to know so they can protect themselves. Many companies appreciate the news because workplace affairs leave them legally vulnerable. Many do not choose to employ cheaters and this affords them the ability to take that option if they decide.

If anyone should be sued for harrassment it is the infidels. And that is sometimes accomplished via alienation of affection lawsuits. Adultery truly IS a form of harrassment.

As long as you do it in a law-abiding manner (i.e., not disturbing the peace with picket signs, not putting a video in the company mail box (against Federal laws), not assaulting or threatening anyone, not spray-painting the building declaring the truth, etc.) it's perfectly legal and NOT harrassment. Just kidding on these extreme examples but you get the gist.

As Fox says, it becomes harrassment if you CONTINUE to do it once you've been asked to stop (by the company).

ML is right, most companies WANT to know. I've worked in the legal field for many years and most large corporations will flag such a letter for their attorney's review to see if they have any possible liability. They may choose not to respond to you at all, but that doesn't mean they are not taking steps.

I would TARGET any exposure you do at a place of employment.

Notify his employer, their HR department, etc... This makes the communication business related. It requests their specific for handling an issue that impacts their business.

Don't use work email addresses to notify his peers and co-workers. This could be construed as obstructive, non-business related, etc...

Aim the exposure, and specify exactly what you're hoping to gain by this exposure...keep the email couched in business communication style.

Can someone confirm whether this applies to countries other than the U.S.?

Posters outside the U.S. have said they were advised it was illegal, as privacy laws are quite stringent. I'm thinking of NZ, but there might be others too. Coincidentally, I'm in NZ at the moment, for reasons completely unrelated to MB. Maybe I could ask someone here ...

---jayne241 (I am traveling, and neither this computer nor myself remembers my orig. username's password)

Exposure is a tool used to end the A.

With that purpose in mind, I ask: who cares if it IS deemed to be harrassment?! Even if it is, if it achieved the goal of putting pressure on the A, it would be worth it.

I called OM's boss...purely out of spite.

"Hello, this is xxxxxx".

"Hi. You don't know me, but my name is xxxxxx, and I thought you'd like to know that OM has been cheating on his wife, with my wife, for 3.5 years, almost always on company time."

"I'm sorry. I don't know anything about that."

"Well, you do now." CLICK!

He called me the next day and asked me to stop calling his employer, because he was the "breadwinner" and his family depended on his income. He "warned" me not to "involve his kids in this".

I told him that HE got his kids involved in this, and I couldn't care less if his whole family ended up eating out of dumpsters. I meant it then, and I still feel that way today. That's not too bad, considering I wish death on him EVERY DAY.

I only called his employer 2 or 3 times after that. I found out that he worked directly with two of his wife's brothers. Can you say "awkward"?

My current and former companies very much want to know about workplace adultery so they CAN FIRE the employees and protect our legal interests. They have every right to know about workplace affairs since they pay the price. They make the choice to not employ cheaters and that is their right. Cheaters are not entitled to employment..

In my last corporation, the Region VP was led off the premises by an ARMED SECURITY GUARD the day his affair was uncovered.

I'd say it would depend on the company. A smaller company might be more willing to try to address the situation.

I work for a Fortune 10 company...I know of several interoffice A... there's no one to expose to.... spouses aren't even allowed at company functions... not even social events...such as picnics...christmas parties...etc. I think that alone speaks volumes.

With a company the size of the one I work for...there'd be no way to know who to expose to.

Good luck... I hope something good comes from it.