First, let me give you the history.

My husband and I moved in together after a year of dating. A few months later I discovered I was pregnant. I was happy and so was he. I always felt we would get married and have babies but it just happened earlier than we expected. so when i was five months along we tied the know. of course it was stressful-new marriage, new baby, financial issues etc etc.
So about a year ago, my husband told me he wanted to seperate. he agreed to try counseling first. we went for about 5 months. it was helping. we were both happier (at least he said he was) and i was too. we stopped going because i changed jobs and we could not fit the appointsment with our work schedule. we discuessed the issue a few months later and agreed we didnt need to go back. we were ok and happy and would go back if we needed to. that was in Jan 08. I again thought we were ok....looking for houses for rent, planning another baby, talking about the futyre all the time. then this past weekend it all came out. he told me he was still unhappy at times and wanted to try living apart...not get divorced...but live apart to make sure this is what we really want. well i dont need this test. i love him and want to be a familty. but i dont want to be with him if he doesnt want to be with me. i asked him if he was with me because of our daughter or because he loved me. he said both. but admitted he is scared if we divorce i will never let him see our daughter. i would never do that to him. basically i dont want to be with someone who is with me only because we have a child together. i want to be with him because he loves me and wants a future with me. so as we talked multiple times this weekend...he suggested we resing the lease with our condo for 6 months and re-evaluate how we both feel at that time. part of me wants to do this because i dont want to give up so easily but part of me is so angrey with him that i feel like calling it quits now. what do i do????????????help!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first thing you have to do is cool down. Believe me I know. I had to ask Dr. Harley how he learned to control his anger after he broke a cabinet door off because he hit his head on it. He said, learn to relax, breathe deep and let your body go completely limp. This is easier said than done, but it does help. I'm going through some things where I have to practice it several times a day.

I believe you are angry because you feel rejected. Anyone would be to some extint. But stop and think about it - past your anger. The two of you moved in together "before" you got pregnant. The two of you were 'planning' on getting married "before" you got pregnant. The pregnancy just stepped up the pace a bit. And chances are, the pregnancy - child, has put some restrictions on the time you spend together - alone, without interruption!!

Why not get Dr. Harley's books, His Needs, Her Needs & Love Busters and do some reading in them. There are questionaire's to fill out in each of them - small exercises to do to find out where the negative feelings are coming from and ones to find out what each of you really need from each other.

When Dr. Harley's plan is followed it does work! The big problem seems to be getting both parties on the same page at the same time.

It's worth a try anyway.

RMW

I agree with RMW. I was married for 21 years and unfortunately it ended in divorce. All I can say is that we live in a throw away society and people seem to live their lives as such. Dating takes work and so does marriage. You need to work on your marriage always. Please read some of Dr. Harley's Books. His needs/Her Needs or Love Busters. It is very important for you both to try, especially when he says he loves you and your child. You just need to take time to connect and work on this. You have gone through a lot of changes in a short period of time. It can be overwhelming.