I've tried to talk to him about his problem with no avail. He claims he has no problem, yes I know...denial stage...has been in it since he was born I swear. He keeps blaming my family for my "accusing him of Sexual addict" as he puts it. Tells me I should feel special for having a man who can put out like he can. I don't know how to change this anymore, counselling is 100% out of the question according to him, and he won't even look at the problem he has, and after talking to Thoughtful, I realize he's not only the Sexual addict, but I'm becoming Sexaully anorexic. Can't stand the thought of having sex with him anymore...makes me cringe. There was a time, not even long ago when I could get myself to do it, but not anymore.. I don't know how to stop all of this, I have learned a living pattern, and all though I am not happy living like this anymore, I can't seem to break it. I have read all the info on this site, and I try not to love bust, I really do, but it's hard when he is constantly on me about things...and won't let up about it. I can't break this stupid trance I am in, I don't even feel like I am living in the real world...it's like I am being held hostage in my marriage, and I NEED to break out, but how? Please help.<P>------------------<BR>~Bren~<BR> Nothing will happen today that God and I can't handle together.

Hi Bren,<P>Well, I can't say that I'm surprised your husband won't admit to his problem, cuz it sounds totally in character for him. Bummer! <P>Do you feel like your husband won't let you leave if you want? Or is it that you just don't feel like you're <B>able</B> to leave? <P>By the way, does he still act nonchalant about your affairs? Or is he starting to show a little anger or pain? I don't really know what to tell you at this point. Except that it sounds like you are getting stronger about the situation even if you don't feel it yourself...<P>take care,<BR>--andy

Bren, If he refuses to go to counselling there isn't anything you can do about him. But there is something you can do about you. You need to get to a councellor. Obviously you feel about the end of your bridge, you need this outlet. If he's on your case about how things are at home and refuses you can say that you felt you might make things better if at least you went out and got some help. He shouldn't refuse you, you only want to do the best thing for the both of you. But don't do it for the two of you, Do it for YOURSELF!!! The "sex addict" BS is a poor excuse for infidelity, and you know it. You also know that you are trying your best to meet his needs and feel your not getting anywheres. So, why not meet your own needs for awhile, it won't hurt! Bren<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

Airheart;<BR> Thanx for replying, it's nice to know I can count on you to be here. <BR> Still no responses from him as to my affair, he acts as if it never happened, and is carrying on like such.<BR> I think the leaving part is 50/50 on both parts there, I don't think he'll let me leave, yet I don't know if I'll be able to do it either...I can't handle guilt very well, and he can make me feel guilty quite easily when he wants too....feels like I'm stuck.<BR> I just don't know how to make him realize that I've had enough of living like this...I need a change and that's that. <P><P>------------------<BR>~Bren~<BR> Nothing will happen today that God and I can't handle together.

chick's<BR> I am the betrayer in this relationship. And to be quite honest with you, dealing with a sexual addict isn't easy. I started to feel like he was using me for his relief, and I could tell when we did have sex that he wasn't in it for me...he was off in a dream world, when I'd look into his eyes, they were empty. Definately not there with me. <BR> Yes, what I did was wrong, BUT, I did it, and I can't take that back now. All I can do is try to get us help, but like I said before, he doesn't want to. So now what am I supposed to do? Sit here and live like this?<BR>I don't think so, I deserve better than that, as does our son. I just can't seem to crack this routine we've gotten into...and it is scarey to break away from something you believed in so much at one time. But sometimes it has to be done. When and how I do it, I just don't know.<P>------------------<BR>~Bren~<BR> Nothing will happen today that God and I can't handle together.

Hi Bren,<P>I think you're part of the way towards recovery by identifying your main objective, and that is to change yourself. Basically, Bren, I think you need to build up your self confidence. Your husband basically stomps all over you. Once you figure out that you are worth something as a person, then I think you'll have the strength necessary to give your husband ultimatums and be able to back it up with actually leaving if you have to. <P>The key is that you need to know your own worth. You need to know <B>inside yourself</B> that you have it in you to live on your own. Once you figure that out, then you'll be able to stand up to your husband's guilt trips and also the fear of leaving your situation.<P>take care,<BR>--andy