BHHFSGuy,

I dont believe I ever posted to you before altho I have wondered about the name.

Just wanted to pass this to you "Good Luck in your future endeavors and I hope you find a mate and friend that you deserve."


Ditto on what JL said above.

I'm sorry that you weren't able to recover your marriage, but I am glad you are able to move on with your head held high. I wish you the best in your future relationships. I just want to remind you to be careful about who you fall in love with, but at the same time, don't be afraid to fall in love again. Just stay away from the women with "baggage" in the future.

BHHFSGuy,

It's good to hear from you, and I am glad to hear that you have come to a resolution about this. You seem to be very comfortable with your decision, and I think you will be happy with the decision you made in the long run. And I think you've been true to your core values, of who you are as a person.

I can see you having a great life in the future, and yes, please drop by from time to time with updates. You've learned a lot, and have a lot of learning to share. And I think, if you so choose, that one day you will make an excellent father.

(By the way, you absolutely cannot leave without letting us in on what your name means...)

All the best,

Memorial Day was the one-year anniversary of when I discovered my wife was cheating on me. I've read other posts where people mention the anniversary of D-Day and such, but now I've finally gotten there myself. It would seem to be just another day, but I did experience more ... emotions than usual.

I'm doing a million times better now than I was then, of course. But a million times better than rock bottom still isn't ideal. I'm still dealing with the grief of the loss and yet also kicking myself for being so stupid and cluelessly wasting the last 10 years of my life with someone that really only cared about herself and no one else.

I did not receive any communication from WW after I informed her that she would be contacted by the process server. I'm relieved, because I didn't want to talk to her and I don't think there's anything to discuss. But the utter silence on the legal front for two weeks is frustrating. Knowing I'll have to wait (at least) 6 months for the divorce to be final is disheartening. I want to move on with my life and am regretting a bit that I put it on hold in January after getting my chain yanked.

Is it really possible to find someone without baggage? It seems that available women my age are generally divorced with children. And if they aren't, their parents divorced and it traumatized them, etc. And, honestly, I feel like I have more psychological baggage than anyone because I'm going to be a thirtysomething divorced virgin. Just two of those things together is tough, but all three I'm finding very difficult to deal with.

I will explain my username, but I think it's going to be a while before my last post. I suppose I should really start a new thread in the Divorcing forum. I still suspect that WW has found my posts here, so I don't want to say too much.

Well then find a younger one.

Maybe you said you were kicking yourself for wasting ten years of your life because you think STBXW is reading here.

In case you are really kicking yourself...stop.

No time is wasted and you know this, BHHFS (and yes, I was gonna ask about the screen name)...

What you learned is important--it's mighty in your life. She did love you. She is your wife. She isn't acting like she did/does or is.

Gosh, conjugating is such hard work sometimes.

Grieving the loss of your EN for conversation (from her); connection, admiration, approval, acceptance...these are really hard on us. Comes and goes...as we ramp up meeting our own and reflect how they once were met.

Won't speed the grieving...would help meet your own ENs to act from these, anyway: act connected (like coming back to MB and helping others...which is AWESOME); act from admiration and appreciation (also in your posts); accept she chooses and it's not about you...hardest, greatest thing to get.

Doesn't wipe out the years...no more than WS's have the ability to rewrite marital history, either.

Reminders...just as the anniversary brought you a curve ball (slow moving one)...and you were aware, you caught it, you're on it.

Worrying about the future is your new distraction? Gotta wonder myself at that. Trust God brings you what you need, when you need it...through others, too. Trust that when the future becomes your present, in each moment, it's bringing a gift.

See how much your permission to self-bash (kicking counts) is coming from these choices...and are not real. See if while you reflect, you're really reviewing...where you dreamed you would be right now...and this isn't it...because that someone who dreamed you'd be married, maybe have 1.5 kids right now, what you'd do for a living, how you would feel (most likely king of the world) was a you who didn't know what you know now.

Which is why the future cannot be told...you aren't who you will be, either, are you?

You can spend your time fearing baggage and sorting out your own...or you can stop measuring and accept reality of who you are today; you can choose to celebrate, recap all you've learned now, practice self-forgiveness (like rehearsal for someone) and acceptance...or not.

Your choices remain constant. And you already know this...and hearing you share where you are right now is priceless...not a single letter wasted.

And very much appreciated.

LA

Well, you have fought the good fight. A good man will always find someone special. There are lots of good women out there. I used to tell my unmarried friends that all the good ones come along in your 30's. There are many fine women that didn't rush into things and are waiting for the right man.

Take heart, our MB men always do just fine. Take your time and be picky.

She's right, you know.

Pep

The nine-year anniversary of my marriage was in mid-November. Last year at this time I was pretty sad about it and asked a couple of my coworkers to go to dinner with me. But this year I pretty much forgot about it completely. I was too busy with the opening performance of a play I'm starring in.

I also wanted to post a link here to my current thread in the Divorcing/Divorced forum: How long do things take?

Since this post is more current than your current thread, I take it there's no news?

-ol' 2long

Correct. My attorney sent a list of questions to STBXWW's attorney back in early October and I haven't heard anything since then.