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Just a basic question...trying to convince a friend.
Last edited by Eibrab; 05/30/08 06:33 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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What do you mean by backfire?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Ummm.. is there a huge likelihood that it will drive A partners closer together or cause those you expose to get angry with the person exposing?
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Yes it would. It is the only LB that allows in plan A. You need to take out the secretive nature of an A so that it become an infidelity. The pressure from outside would put a stress on their R. You need supports from the outside.
IMVHO .. Best time to expose it yourself is on D'day for unrepentant WH otherwise best to leak it out slowly.
-rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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My wife went nuclear upon exposure, but OM dropped her like a palgue infected rat and gave her zero support during the divorce.
Neither emotional or the promised financial, OMW saw to that.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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Ummm.. is there a huge likelihood that it will drive A partners closer together or cause those you expose to get angry with the person exposing? Well, if the affair partners are not already TOGETHER then there is no need to expose. You can't "drive" someone "together" who is already together in the first place. What exposure does is ruin the secrecy and affairs thrive on secrecy. And some people get angry with the person exposing. But that does not mean exposure has been ineffective, just the opposite.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Exposure is the equivalent of turning on the lights in the crack house and bringing in a crowd of witnesses. It ruins the crack high!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It is possible that exposure will bring them closer together for the short term. Unexposed As, however, can go on for years. Would you rather keep the status quo or shake things up a bit thus increasing the chances of ending the A and saving your M?
Affairs only survive in fantasyland. When things become real, it just isn't and as fun anymore. The A partners start seeing each other for what they really are. Life starts getting in the way.
You will hear threats about how all chances of reconciliation went out the window by exposing. They all say that.
Take it from those of us that have been through it. The fallout from exposure will be like a nuclear winter but is the best weapon you have to end the A. Anger will fade with time.
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If exposure causes them to run off into the sunset together then that is something the affair partners would have done anyway. There is nothing to lose, and likely much to gain by exposure.
BS ME 35, XWW 37, DS 7, DD 5, DS 5, D-day1 12-20-2007.Multiple Ddays
Divorce 1/29/2009
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Exactly. Driving the APs closer together in not the bad thing that it seems. Outing the A, exposing it to reality forces the APs to function IN REALITY. Its no longer a secretive, passionate fling, its no longer a "fun escape" from reality, its a REAL realtionship, exposed to the eyes of the world, comprised of REAL choices, with REAL consequences. Suddenly the AP's have to look each other in the face thinking "THIS is who I gave up everything for? Your life is just as messed up as mine, and my BS's. . ."
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