Hey (((Petvet)))
I logged on cuz I knew it was close to your big WEDDING DAY. I'm so very happy for you! You deserve all the happiness that this day can and will bring. Learn from the past and look to the future.

I'm not sure if you can get notifications from this thread but maybe you can, since you're the original poster. (Or was it Trusting Him, who started this newer version of your original post?) Just check back every month or so. We all realize that we have a lot going on. Most everyone has my email and can get me directly - I can give it to you too if you want.

Meanwhile, enjoy your new WIFE. May the Lord bless you both! We'll be thinking of you Saturday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Avondale. Learning from the past has been very important to me. It's kinda scary, but I think I am doing the right thing. I'll stay in touch.

Hello to everyone else.

Later.

Hey All,

Petvet...

I knew you were getting married right about now, but wasn't real sure if it was this close.

WOW!!!

Your getting married tomorrow?

I'll bet you are a little nervous. I would be scared to death (that's because I've got commitment issues).

I'll have to start clanging the Glass and have a toast for the both of you.

I wish both you and your new Bride all the best... and may the Lord bless your marriage, and bless you both.

Congratulations Petvet!

I'm not sure if you can have your email flagged every time someone posts on this thread... that's a good question.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

[color:"red"] YES - [/color] you can have e-mails automatically sent to you from any thread.

Here's how:

1. Go to your profile (from "My Home" link at the top of this forum).

2. Select this feature - "Subscribe / Unsubscribe from receiving forum posts by email, change message notifications, etc." - there are several options within this feature. You can set the one to receive e-mail notifications to your favorite posts = "YES".

3. Next, go to the forum you want to get e-mails from and at the very bottom, where it says "Favorite topic! (toggle) you click on that to turn it into a favorite topic. [color:"red"] [/color] [color:"red"] [/color]

HI ALL,

PETVET, Congratulations!!!! I'm so happy and excited for you and your new wife. I pray that God will bless you with many wonderful years together!

WALLACE, I'm glad to hear that you and your G/F are doing well. I'm also glad you decided not to marry or move in with her. Based on where you've been, that seems to be a very wise choice.

DEJA VU, It's always good to hear from you and get the updates on what's taking place in your life. Thank you for the periodic e-mails. How has the search for a job been going? It's good you've had time to work on that. I hope you are doing well and enjoying peace and joy in your life. It's so good that the negotiations and hassels of divorce are behind you.

AVONDALE, I hope you too are doing well. I've missed hearing from you and have meant to get in touch. Have you got your whole house cleaned out and in order? That is something I really need to do also.

EVERYONE ELSE, I'm always happy to see others post. Welcome to American Beauty. Hi to TRUSTING HIM and anyone else I might have missed.

ME: The girls and I had a wonderful summer. We went on a "real" vacation to the beach just the four of us. That was a new experience because we've always visited with family prior to this summer. The girls are now back in school busy with their studies and sports.

The big news is that I've met someone very, very special. He is a wonderful Christian man that I met through e-harmony in July. It is currently a long distance relationship but we've been blessed to be able to see each other quite a bit. We've had hours and hours of conversation via the phone.

He and I have enjoyed a tremendous connection on so many levels. It just seems to be something that God has put together. He has truly been an instrument of God's love and grace in my life. We have grown very close in the time that we've known each other and I'm looking forward to all that God might have in our future.

It is so nice to be able to post something positive after so many years of sad posts... God has so blessed and is in the business of restoring and bringing joy back into our lives. That is my prayer and hope for each of you.

I'll try to do better about popping in every now and then to check in and keep updated. Take care everyone. God bless!

[color:"red"] Leah, [/color] I'm not too surprised at your new BF. I think you deserve a godly and perfect relationship which is something you may not have had (at least, not for very long). How are the kids doing with all the new adjustments?

[color:"red"] Deja Vu [/color] - thanks for the instructions! I tried it and I guess we'll know it works if I'm notified about this post.

[color:"red"] Petvet [/color] - How's marriage? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

[color:"red"] Trusting [/color] - I hope you're doing well.

[color:"red"]Wallace [/color] - no news is good news, ya know?

[color:"red"] Me [/color] - I got a cat - not for company, but for the chipmunks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

[color:"red"] Hello [/color] to everyone else

Hi all,

Well, I did it. Everything is going fine so far. I take things one day at a time.

Avondale: I hope all is well. I can believe you have hired an assassin to get rid of those cute little chipmunks.

Wallace: Keep doing what you do.

DeJaVu: I hope you can be happy and move forward. It takes time.

Leah: I'm glad you have found someone to make you happy.

Everyonr else: Take care.

Later. Happy Thanksgiving.

Hey everyone!

I thought I would drop in and wish everyone a "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year".

It's been a busy year, and boy did it go by fast.

I'm still with my girlfriend, but that's a week by week thing.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay in touch.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi everyone, thought I'd drop by on Christmas to see how everyone is doing.

Wallace, Petvet, Avondale, Leah, Trusting, anyone else I missed -- I wish you all a wonderful holiday season, and a great new year.

Me: A few big things have happened:

* I received a non-renewal notice at work, so my current job ends March 31. I've been looking, got one offer that wasn't acceptable financially, and it's been rather slow during the holiday season. Sometimes I panic about being out of work, other times I feel like I'll find something really great and it will be fine.

* I lost one of my dogs at age 3-1/2, to severe epilepsy. I had to put him down when his seizures were no longer being controlled by meds and he has lost motor skills. It was quite the emotional roller coaster with seizures constantly, me not sleeping well and rarely through the whole night, and lots of medical issues to wrestle with. It's hard to put a young dog to sleep, and even harder to know when quality of life is gone.

* I got a replacement puppy in October - he's doing great, but with two puppies this year, neither of which were planned, I've got my hands full. I now have 4 dogs - one old, one blind, and the two puppies.

* I finally finished my home remodeling projects last week! It looks really nice in here now, but I must admit the endless construction activity has tired me of doing more remodeling. Even though I have more projects lined up that I hope I will be able to do in the next couple of years.

* I have finally decided to abandon my PhD program. I have a couple of incompletes to deal with, then my coursework is done. I'm going to file the official "plan" showing that my coursework was completed, but that's all. I just don't have the time, or quite frankly the interest, in doing all that work anymore.

I still have next to no interest in a new relationship. I have a few close friends, my family, my dogs, and am busy nearly every night of the week. I don't feel like I have room in my life, or my heart, for a romantic relationship. At least not now, and quite likely never.

I still have bouts with depression. Especially this time of year.

Cheers!

Hi Everyone,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[color:"blue"]Deja Vu [/color] it is great to hear your update. I am sorry to hear about what you've had to go through with the dogs and your PhD. I hope those puppies will be around a long time. I know what you mean about "no interest in a new relationship". That's where I am at, also.

[color:"blue"] Wallace [/color] , I'm glad you checked in too. So not much new in your relationship, either....how are your daughters doing?

[color:"blue"] Petvet [/color] , this is your first Christmas/New Years as a newly HAPPILY married man. I trust things are going well at your house - are the kids adjusting well?

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] , have you remarried? Somehow I would not be surprised. After not having a healthy marriage for so long, the possibility of having a good one probably appeals more to you than me. (Since my marriage was good for 20+ years!) How did the kids do this Christmas? Is your ex behaving himself these days?

[color:"blue"] Trusting [/color] , I hope you did OK this holiday also. How did you stay busy?

[color:"blue"] Me [/color] - It was a different type of holiday and not one I care to do again. There is something about not acknowledging the actual day (we had our family events & dinners prior to the 25th) that kind of bummed me out. Of course I got invited other places but we all know how that isn't fun...

~~~ [color:"red"] I hope 2008 brings many blessings to each and every one of the Tough Love gang! [/color] ~~~

Hello everyone,

Haven’t posted in a while. Glad to see everyone progressing along. Just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hi all! I intended on checking in right before the holidays but never got to it.

Wallace: I'm glad you are doing fine and taking things with the g/f day by day. Smart man.

Dejavu: Sorry to hear about your dog. Losing a dog or pet can be like losing a close love one from the human kind. Take your time getting back into a relationship. It will come in time. As far as the job is concern, just bust your butt looking under every rock. You may have to take something that you don't want i order to get what you want later. Keep on keeping on.

EC: It was good to hear from you again.

Avindale: Sweetheart, just do your own thing. Granted you cannot forget about the past but you can move forward. I have always told you that traveling may be your best friend for now. You may be better off getting away. Granted I know it cost money but getting away can be the next state over.

Me: Well, I'm still married after four months. Amazing ah! Is the kids are taking us for a loop. We are going to make it work. Wife and I knew what we were getting into.

Later.

hie guys, l hope u dont mind me joining here.l have read quite a lot on this thread and l have to say l like how u all support each other.here is my story/life
sorry a bit long. first time posting but have been reading around and think you guys might shed some light into this.l will try to be short.married 2004. a year later my husband suddenly had a change of heart and moves out.his reasons being lam not happy and l need time out, no argument or anything.
anyways, l talked him into working things out and he came back.all was peferct and well until dec 2005.
l had a miscarriage in october.lt was a hard time for us but l did notice when l was pregnant he wasnt that excited to begin with and it was his idea to start a familly.we seem to be supportin each other through all this.ln dec he asked me if we can go out and eat out.l was very relieved coz l was worried that he might not deal with it well.l guess l was completely wrong.
one note, we dated for 4 yrs b4 marriage and had ups and downs but he had never sat me down to tell me like this ''l dont feel anymore love for you and lam not sure l did. u dont make my heart jump when l see u but l like u and l cant help how l feel.'' he went on mentioning that he doesnt have the love like for example how his bro misses his wife and stuff.he feels that lf l walk away right now he wont feel any lose.l was shocked, beyond shocked l couldnt even say a word then.l left and had the day to myself and to think. l did not beg him this time, he also told me he wants to try but he thought l should know how he feels.
l wrote hime a letter telling him that this has been a shock to me but lam willing to give it a try also and see how we can get the love to survive in this marriage.fine so l thought! l suggested we take a trip and have time to relax since we both work a lot.the day b4 he bail out saying he couldnt get anybody to take his shift and that l shoul go and not waste the ticket and visit my sister.he encouraged me and drove me to the airport and kissed me goodbye and told me he will miss me.
l came back 2days later to a half empty house.apparently he moved out while l was gone.took evrything that belonged to him,clean the place and left the keys. he basically ran away.l was devasted and l have never been so heart broken in my life. so much pain.lt will be 1 yr next week and we have maintained some kind of friendship and l do depend on him for a ride to work from time to time.nothing beyond friendship though he has made advances without willing to be with me.lam afraid to ask were we are going from here, lam afraid of his answer. see, l am still in love with him.but if l let him come back, the cycle might just go around again.
l want him to be the one saying he wants to or not but so far he hasnt given me a clue.where do l go from here?should l just let him be.

Edited by babyblue (01/13/08 10:43 PM)

Hi babyblue
Welcome to Marriage Builders! This forum is a great place to find support, and I hope you are able to utilize it. You are welcome to post here on the Tough Love thread but to be honest, it is kind of retired. None of us check it regularly and we just post every once in a while.

I suggest that you post this in one of the other forums but make a few changes to get people's attention. When one is writing the first post it requires background details, just like you gave. But it's difficult to read when all the sentences run together and there aren't a lot of capital letters, paragraph spacing, etc. Otherwise, it gives the appearance of being overwhelming to the reader. If you were to make those slight updates to your post, and then re-post it again as it's own thread, I think you'd get some feedback, and I would be glad to post a response too. I just don't think you'd get much input if it stays on this thread since this isn't one that has much traffic.

You might also want to read the link below for pointers about posting. I look forward to seeing your new post!

Hey Everyone,

It's been awhile since I posted, and I thought about everyone and decided to see what if anything was happening on the "Tough Love" thread.

Deja Vu...

I'm sorry to hear about your Dog. Losing your pet like that is very difficult. They are just like one of the family as well, and when you take the steps that you had to... it becomes a very emotional time. It sounds like it was time, and you did the right thing.

I'm sorry to hear about your PhD. Hopefully you will be able to resume getting it after you recharge your batteries a bit. You have had quite a bit going on.

How are you making out now?

Are you still depressed?

Let us know how your making out, as it can become very lonely for you when your feeling the way you have been feeling.

Avondale...

I'm sorry to hear that your Christmas and Holiday were not up to expectations. I really struggle with the Holidays, even now, after almost what? Six years? Has it been that long?

I can understand you not wanting to get into another relationship. They can become more of a detriment, if your not ready for one. Sometimes I think I should have waited and allowed myself sometime to heal. But I'm hanging in there... and I'm still with my G/F. I'm hanging by my toes with our relationship, because I won't commit to marriage. I've come to find out that I have commitment issues. : )

Petvet came up with a good idea... do some traveling with some friends if you can. That gets the blood to flowing.

Hope your doing well, and it's always good to hear from you as well as everyone else.

EC...

My man!

Long time no post! How are you making out?

What have you been doing with yourself?

I would really like to hear from you, and to hear how you are making out. So if you get a chance let us all know.

Petvet...

How are you making out with? Is your marriage going well?

I hope you and your spouse are doing good.

How does it feel being married again? The reason why I ask, is I'm scared to death to try it again, so I need to hear some good positive things from you.

babyblue...

It has been awhile since you posted. I agree with what avondale has stated to you.

One bit of advice I would give you... is don't waste your time with this guy, he's going to be even more trouble for you if you hang around him.

You sound like your still young, so go out and find yourself a nice decent man out there. They are out there... you just have to look real hard for one and be patient. You will probably find someone when you least expect it.

Leah, Trusting him, and anyone else I might have missed out there. I hope your all doing well, and everything is going well for you. When you get time, let us know how your making out.

Me...

My birthday is this Friday, and my Brother and Father are coming into town to celebrate my birthday with me and my kids and G/F.

I'll be 38 this year! lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'll let you all know if my Birthday wish comes true this year. Not sure what it is, but I'll think of something.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Everyone, [color:"blue"] [/color]

It's always good to come back to this thread and catch up with old friends. I just wanted to share my happy news...I'm engaged and will be getting married on June 14. God has been so good in blessing me with this terrific guy!He's both strong and loving...a wonderful combination! It's been great being with someone who actually wants to be with me...wow, what a novel idea for a relationship! ;-) [color:"blue"] [/color]

Overall,the girls are doing well. The youngest child is having a bit of a challenging time in accepting things. She's always had me all to herself for all her life and doesn't accept change well. But, she's getting better with time. Between us both we have six children. Five of them will be in the wedding - Hopefully six if YD changes her mind. Future H kids are all grown and out of the house, so we won't be the Brady Bunch. [color:"blue"] [/color]

Hope all of you are doing well. God bless! [color:"blue"] [/color]

[color:"blue"] Leah [/color] , congratulations! You deserve a wonderful marriage and I hope this fella will make that happen. I'm sure your YD will come around. Did your exH have any reaction to the news?

[color:"blue"] Wallace [/color] , I can't believe that Leah beat you to the altar. Maybe all that birthday cake you ate slowed you down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hello to [color:"blue"] everyone else [/color] - hope things are well for you all!

Hey All!

Long time no talk.

How is everyone doing?



Leah...

Congrats on getting married in June. That's not very far from now.

Are you getting nervous? I know I would be... that's why I'm still not married. Scares me to death.

First Petvet getting married, and now you.

I wish you nothing but blessings and best wishes.

Keep us informed as to how your wedding was.



Avondale...

How are you doing?

Are you planning on getting married too?

Hope everything is well with you.


Petvet...

So how are you and the Mrs. doing?

I figure if you and Leah can make marriage work again... I might think about getting married again someday.


Me...

I'm enjoying just being single. I'm still with my G/F, after 5-1/2 years and counting. So I'm doing O.K.. She still wants to get married, but she has stopped pressuring me on it. It's getting a little expensive with her in her new home, and me still in my house.

Well I have to cut it short, as I'm at work, and I still have a few things to wrap up for today.

Hope everyone is doing well that I might have missed.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all,

It's me again. Don't shoot me. I have not forgotten about you guys.

Me: Everything is going quite well. We knew that blending these the families would not be a walk in the park and it isn't, but I am glad that I chose to try this marriage thing again. I see that the Harley's have change the page again. I tried to get on last month and could not find my password.

Wallace: Hope all is well.

Avondale: What's up?

Leah: ?????

DID I READ THAT SOMEONE IS GETTING MARRIED????????????????????

Later.

*quietly sneaks into the forum to see what's going on*

Wow! You all are still here! Woot! And my name is still here being mentioned, imagine that. I assumed that being away so long I would have dribbled off the pages.

I have not had time to go back and really read but:

Leah2b - Congratulations on the new BF

PetVet - Congratulation on the marriage, you ARE MUCH braver than I

Wallace - Like you, I grown accustomed to being single. Unlike you there is no girlfriend in the picture. Ha! How could there be! The oldest daughter will be 17 in July and just last week her words to me were "Daddy, the only woman you need in your life is me!" And we all know what happens when we make a woman mad. I think I'll just stay single.

Only 38! I sure wish I could go back to 38. Maybe some of this gray hair would go away.

Deja Vu - I am so sorry to hear about your dog. I do know the feeling as just this past weekend I had to bury my Dad's best friend of 14 years. She had gotten really old and weak, to the point of not being able to get around. It was a sad moment.

EC - God to see your post. It sounds as if you've been away as long as me. Hope things are going well for you.

Avondale - What can I say. It appears that you are still the same. A HUGE encouragement to all the others here. I briefly saw where you asked about Christmas and I can say it went well. There are still a few times that a memory slips in but for the most part we have all settled into our routines pretty good.

I hope and pray tht all is well with you.

ME - What can I say. With each passing year I get a bit older, a bit wiser and a bit more comfortable with being single. As it stands right now I have no intentions of ever entering into another serious relationship. Not that I do not miss it, it just seems that life right now is much less complicated.

Except for when you have to deal with the formers.

The oldest daughter moved her Church Membership to another Church. This is good and she is now on fire and has been for well over a year now in her relationship with Christ. This has also caused problems between her and her Mother.

Case in point, just last week she approached her Mother about the sleeping and drinking habits of Mom's BF. Yes, Mom does spend weekends with him. Actually she spends the majority of her free time with him. She now progressed to the point of him staying at their house on occasion. (No, I do not agree with this but we are working om making changes).

Any who's, when the OD expressed her disappointment in Mom choice of BF and his drinking Mom replied "But your Daddy drinks when he does not have you all with him". /laughter We drank a bottle of wine between us on our honeymoon, we each had a glass of wine on out 10th anniversary and I think I drank 1 beer with our neighbor after we finished yard work one day. So the lat time I had something to drink was probably 8 yeas ago, maybe longer. Of course that was what OD told her Mom.

When she mentioned that she and her BF were setting a bad example for her and her sibblings by sleeping with her BF her reply was "Well, thee are a lot of things that yu do not know about your Daddy".

Both OD and Son asked that I speak to their Mom about this as our son says that is the primary reason he hurts so much on Monday mornings. He says he's all stressed out from watching his Mom and knowing what she is doing. (Yes he's still pretty sick, still has major digestive problems and has just been given a prescription for Lexapro)

Needless to say after a wonderful weekend with the children I returned them to her house Sunday Morning as requested so they could attend Church with her for Mother's Day, only to find her not there, BF in her bed and his kids in the children's room. I did call her that evening to discuss, not her habits with BF but why she feels it neessary to bash Daddy when asked questions by her daughter. Her only reply was that "She hit a nerve" and "She just pushed the wrong buttons".

OK, we've been divorced for 5 yeas. What is going on in this woman's life that after 5 years of me not being there, when "a nerve is hit" or "the wrong buttons are pushed" she lashes out at me? I did ask her if OD had in any way made a direct comparison between me and her BF and she said that I was never mentioned. Ack! That makes it even worse. I might be able to understand if OD had said "Daddy does nto do.....Daddy does not....." but there was none of that.

So after all that long rambling for being gone for so long....I am currently looking for a job back where they live since both OD and son have said that as soon as I get there they are coming to stay with me.