You are a dream husband for a cake-eating WW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just don't even know what to say. Good luck, PB.

Well, it's been awhile (a week)...I'll try and update.

I'm not positive, but feel I am starting to fill my WW love bank.

We have been to 2 marriage counseling appointments. She has visited her Psychologist 3X, and I have seen mine 2X.

I asked my wife last night what was her most fulfilling thing in her life right now. She didn't hesitate and said her job. I was surprised, but found that her actions had spoken this over the past several months.

I find the above information hard to swallow, b/c the person I married was all about family. By far, we were above a career. I even asked my wife, if she got more enjoyment out of her job vs. the kids. Her answer was yes.

I have come to believe, that my wife has just taken on too much in her life. I feel she has a lot of stress as a result, and she just needs to make some stress-free time for herself. I feel that she needs to work a little less, and put some more efforts in the home-life...and by doing so, she'll have some "free-time" with the things that matter most to her. Right now, she comes home, and she has 3 children, me, and an exchange student that want to spend time with her. I think she needs some time to just relax...

I have found my wife wants me to do more manly things...such as cleaning the basement. She doesn't much care if I make dinner, dishes, vaccum. She says she can do them...BUT, she hasn't over the past several months. So, I'm still not quite sure how things fill unfold.

My wife feels she can say anything w/ her therapist (Psych.). I know the therapist feels I won't be able to change, and perhaps won't be able to fill my wife's EN. I feel it will be an easy and welcoming transition for me. Her therapist feels my wife should see the OM, and she'll be able to let him go more easily...as she'll see him for who he really is (not worthy of a mate). This is per my wife anyway.

My wife says she can compartmentalize well. I'm not sure, as the past 2 months, she has fallen more in love with him. I know she has been VERY selfish over the past 2 months, and even over the past several months. She has put her needs above the family's. I hope she changes.

My wife just went up to corporate for the next 3 days. She said she'd call me 1X per day. I said, I would be okay with that, but would appreciate more calls.

My wife is going to talk to her boss while up there about a meeting yesterday that she wasn't included on. She feels OM was, and she was left out. The company has tried to set barriers for the "conflict." My wife feels it is affecting her job...and is upset about it. She said, why can't he just deal with it (work with her)? She says she can deal with him. I expressed I did not know if I agreed. Still, I'm pondering on how the company will deal with this. If they allow them in meetings...then IM's, phone calls, etc. may soon be to follow.

I expressed to my wife I was not happy of any contact they had.

Anyway, I think we are mending some things. I am focusing on myself...and my kids. I am trying to save my marriage too. I ultimately want it all. I have set some goals for everything, and am proceeding forward. I'll keep everyone posted.

BTW, my wife...came out w/ her attorney...he was an attack dog and wanted her to file for divorce (retainer was $5K). My wife was very conflicted on it that night...just wonder if it had been $500, if she would have done it? I asked her, and she said no...she wasn't ready to end our marriage.

Anyway...I'm keeping my chin up...trying to be optimistic with whatever happens. I do worry my marriage will fail...it takes two. I am going to do my part. L8R

Update

Well things seem to be going smoothly...for the most part.

I'm back in the house. We seem to be happy.

Yet, the past two nights I have been caught w/ depression after my wife spoke about working w/ the OM. She felt it was just a matter of time b4 they did so (right now they are separated at work). As she spoke, she was talking of all the emotions, etc. she would have when faced w/ him...said she just wanted to avoid the whole thing, and said she liked that they just couldn't talk to each other.

I took, during this 1 minute discussion, that she obviously still has great feelings for the OM. It only makes sense. My wife says it was the greatest mistake of her life (OM).

I just don't know...

I don't know how I'll feel when she leaves town in the future and/or simply when she just starts working/talking to the OM.

For that matter, trust as a whole. Isn't my wife more likely to have a second affair since she was exposed to one already?

I know I still love my wife...she is in love with me. We are honestly happy right now...

Just wondering if somebody could help me w/ the blues I've recently felt.

Thanks in advance.

I forgot to add...we stopped our Psychologist appt's. Also, since I'm working now (2nd shift), we couldn't finish off our marriage counseling (unless we switched to a new individual).

So we are working at this together, but w/o the added support.

Again, thanks.

OK, I used to post here quite a bit, but have been gone for a while.

I've read through your thread.

You really, REALLY need to get back into marriage counseling ASAP.

Recovering a marriage from infidelity is a MARATHON...it is NOT a sprint.

You've only started down the path, grasshopper.

Its a long road, and it takes a lot of hard work. There are several things that I see that trigger concerns...she's still working with OM for the biggest one. There can be NO real recovery if she's still in contact with him. This is a deal breaker.

Its no surprise at all you're depressed about it...OF COURSE you would be. You can't trust her with him...that's been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

The two of you need to work out a LOT of things. What went wrong in your marriage, how to fix it, how to "affair proof" your marriage so that this doesn't happen again.

Seriously...explain to your wife how you feel, explain to her why the two of you need to WORK on this and not try to pretend that it didn't happen.

Your wife needs to find a new job.