I know. It is crazy. I sound like I am totally in denial. Over the past five years these physical issues have occurred about 6-8 times total? Plus the door slamming/cracking a few times. We are in a really different place now and fighting is really pointless as is further talking about how we get along if he isn't willing to stop lying or make it work. I wouldn't expect this to happen again out of now where. If it did, I would make some big changes and call the police. I could certainly go to my parents home anytime. I don't think that he really cares if I leave or not. He would be happy that he could live like a bachelor and not have to be accountable.

He denies that he has done these things, especially in front of others. I think part of the problem is that he was drunk and doesn't remember or his anger clouds his perception of reality. This doesn't make it right obviously. The other part is him lying to save face since he knows that what happened was not cool.

He did go to an AA meeting today and has a counseling appt also. Will be interesting...

So, if I understand you, Newmama, you're saying your H won't get physical now because you're not in conflict with him. What will happen if you do start enforcing your boundaries and refusing to let him yell at you or lie to you? Or if you shut down all the credit cards?

And it's only happened between 6 and 8 times. That you can remember. Memories are amazing things. They are selective, and they have a way of blocking off a lot of the bad stuff so that we can continue to function day-to-day.

I don't mean create drama. I'm just really concerned about your well being. You sound very intelligent and strong. You also sound like you're hanging on by a thread while keeping it all together. I just want to make sure that thread doesn't break.

So, have you shared this past behavior with your family and the MC? You didn't answer that question.

There's a wonderful book you need to read. It's called Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. Please, if you do nothing else, read that book.

My plan is to just leave if he can't agree to making it work. If he isn't willing to do this with an open heart to make things better I need to walk away. I am finally realizing that I have been trying to control him and make him into someone he is not. I do not have control over his actions and bad decisions, addictions. He took our time before getting married and discussed many of these issues-we were on the same page. However, in real life he wants to have a happy family, but he also wants to live as if he is a single guy without the responsibilites. It doesn't work that way. He is who he is and his life goals don't appear to match mine at this point in time.

I have shared the physical abuse with his parents and MC. He denies it and talks about me smashing the box on the floor. So, I appeared to be the imbalanced pregnant woman and it was not addressed. This was before the "big confession" of his infidelity, financial issues, gambling, lying, etc.

I am not sure how to handle the financial piece yet.
I do feel like I am hanging by a thread. Keeping in mind that I can't control him and have a marriage with someone who constantly changes the game has helped. It feels good to have power over myself. I'm sure I will be crying my eyes out later today, but for the next 5 minutes I feel strong.
Thanks for your caring and advice.