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OW is getting a divorce, her husband filed, not her. H says he got an anonymous phone call at work and called me immediately after. Not sure what that is about, but he did not contact her.
This has set me back, I'm concerned about her trying to contact and him feeling need to comfort and call her. He says he got what he wanted from the relationship and doesn't want her - nice huh, but it is part of the radical honesty we are trying to do, so I am trying to accept it as the truth even if I don't like that about him.
What more can I ask H to do to reassure me? And more importantly, what can I do to reassure myself so I don't drive H right her way?
HB
HB, 47; H 42
H is repeat A, same OW
D Day 1: 4/1/07
D Day 2, how sad is this 3/30/08
11 years together, 3 teenage children
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OW is getting a divorce, her husband filed, not her. H says he got an anonymous phone call at work and called me immediately after. Not sure what that is about, but he did not contact her. You didn't fall for that, did you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I believe it, he told me the number they called from on his caller ID and said I could come by work and see it, he described the voice and exactly what they said and he said back. He could have told me he heard it from someone at work - she works for same company, different location - but he called immediately and told me. I also checked with his friend at work and he told him too and said the same thing. He found it very "juvenile". We made a call to OW about NC and I told her I would file harassment charges if she did, I think it might be her way of getting around that but making sure he knows that she wants him to know hoping he will call her.
HB, 47; H 42
H is repeat A, same OW
D Day 1: 4/1/07
D Day 2, how sad is this 3/30/08
11 years together, 3 teenage children
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It just doesn't ring true at all. Looking at a caller ID# wouldn't tell you if his story was true either.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It was the "my husband is divorcing me and now you are going to have to fulfill your half of the deal" call.
My own wifey pulled this stunt with OM when she filed for divorce on me as her "trump card" to ensure her financial security.
OMW had that already taken care of and OM just laughed in my wifey's face as he had already gotten what he wanted.
Your husband's reply to her should be exactly what OM replied to my wifey, NOT MY PROBLEM.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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that's what was going through my mind pariah.
mlhb
God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.
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His non-response hopefully speaks that loud and clear. He is just like your W's OM Pariah, he was interested in some fun with absolutely no responsibilities and strings - middle age crisis, whatever it is, it still is so damaging for so little in return. There are no winners in this, we're all losers. If only we could get that message out to people somehow before they cheat . . .
HB, 47; H 42
H is repeat A, same OW
D Day 1: 4/1/07
D Day 2, how sad is this 3/30/08
11 years together, 3 teenage children
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Hartbreak, does your husbend realize that the OWH may still seek vindication down the road?
10 maybe 20 years when he least expects it?
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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His non-response hopefully speaks that loud and clear. He is just like your W's OM Pariah, he was interested in some fun with absolutely no responsibilities and strings Sounds like my FWW's OM. When their A was falling apart, she didn't quite say she was divorcing me, but she did tell him that she was going to tell me about how she felt and what she did - the expectation at the time being that I would leave her (i.e. and let her be free to engage in a relationship with the OM). Of course the OM wasn't interested and the A eventually ended anyway.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Has your husband sent a no contact letter? I would insist on that. It should say he loves you, the affair was a huge mistake and he wants no contact with her for any reason forever.
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There are no winners in this, we're all losers. We were dealt a hand for whatever reason and are either now or will be one day looking back on this and becoming something good inside and stronger and different. Yes, we are losing something BIG, but we aren't losers. WW's, OW, etc, they are the losers and you don't deserve nor any other BS deserve to be called the same thing as THEM. Semantics I know, but important distinction for us to realize
Last edited by QueeniesNewLife; 05/30/08 08:59 AM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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There are no winners in this, we're all losers. We were dealt a hand for whatever reason and are either now or will be one day looking back on this and becoming something good inside and stronger and different. Yes, we are losing something BIG, but we aren't losers. WW's, OW, etc, they are the losers and you don't deserve nor any other BS deserve to be called the same this as THEM. Semantics I know, but important distinction for us to realize Exactly Queenie!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Wait a minute...I just realized we have a queenie and a princess here, do the moderators know? 
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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HB, will you verify the info by looking it up on a website in your county/area--filing for divorce is within the public domain.
Continue to practice independent verification...that's within your control. Can even validate your WH's story...or if it doesn't.
Either way, doesn't leave you relying on someone who has practiced deception and self-deception.
LA
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We made a phone call together April 6, I told her I would file harassment charges if she attempted any contact and we've had no contact since then from her - apparently she had a friend call instead, but we couldn't prove that. I'm afraid to contact her in any manner now, I don't want any reason for her to respond and I really don't want our name and address out there for her divorcing H to find. As far as I know, he does not know our names and address, just had cell number and we've changed that.
HB, 47; H 42
H is repeat A, same OW
D Day 1: 4/1/07
D Day 2, how sad is this 3/30/08
11 years together, 3 teenage children
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I checked immediately. He filed as they stated, but it was May 2, so wondering why the delay. My guess is OW is feeling very vulnerable, could be fighting for custody of the children, in fact I'm sure of it as she moved out without them. She probably is hoping my H will call and rescue her from herself, and I have to say I am very pleased that he doesn't want anything to do with it.
Thanks to all the encouragement, I am not a loser I know, but I have lost a very important trust in my H and it will be a long time returning to a strong foundation again.
HB
HB, 47; H 42
H is repeat A, same OW
D Day 1: 4/1/07
D Day 2, how sad is this 3/30/08
11 years together, 3 teenage children
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