Flee from the midst of Babylon, and each of you save his life!
Jeremiah 51:6, NIV

Centuries ago, a popular queen was interviewing applicants to serve on a six-man team responsible for carrying her on a portable throne on long journeys. As she interviewed each man, the queen asked, "If you were bearing me along a mountain path, how close would you go to the edge of a cliff?"

Some men would answer, "Your Royal Highness, I am so strong, I could go within a foot of the edge of a cliff." Others would boast, "Not only do I have superior strength, but I have almost perfect balance. I could go within six inches of the edge."

But a few declared, "Your Highness, I would go nowhere near the edge of a cliff. Why would I want to imperil your valuable life by leading you so close to danger?"

Guess who earned the job?

We live in a cultural landscape where it seems there are more cliffs than clearings. We spend large parts of our day within easy walking distance of all kinds of sharp drops and perilous dangers. Sexual temptation. Financial greed. Immoral entertainment. Emotional affairs. Addictions galore. Ethical compromise.

Rather than stay as far as possible from these obvious threats to our families, we often allow the enemy of our souls to lure us closer for a better look. We sample just a bit too much of what the world has to offer.

My friend Josh McDowell says, "I would rather build a rail at the top of the mountain than have an ambulance service at the bottom of the valley." I agree. But I'd suggest we take it a step further. I would prefer not putting myself in position to find out whether or not that guardrail would hold me! Safety rails aren't meant for pushing on but for steering away from.

Discuss
Looking back over your life, what "cliffs" draw your curiosity? Which avoidable ones do you have the hardest time keeping your distance from now?

Pray
Ask the Lord to help you not only spot spiritual danger, but also to have sense enough to run from it.

FamilyLife

God Bless you... I'm emailing this to my WH who is deployed right now... thank you!

FAM5

Fam5,

Your Very Welcome i hope it was helpful.
Also you can go to Familylife.com and check it.

God Bless You.

Hi AJ,

I will have to check out that website..thank you. I noticed your sig says Happily Recovered and Happily Married, that's AWESOME!! I REALLY do want to one day say I am happily recovered also.

Blessings,
FAM5

Fam5,

Tomorrow I will have my wife post some stuff for you,k and we will pray for you and your WH.

It will take time to heal for the both of you, and if your WH is willing to work on your Marriage and you both but Christ in the middle of your Marriage it will come out ok.

Fam5

Here a little something for you.

God's Eternal Pledge

He hath remembered his covenant forever, the word which he commanded to a
thousand generations. Ps. 105: 8.

God stands back of every promise He has made. With your Bibles in your
hands, say: "I have done as Thou hast said. I present Thy promise, 'Ask, and
it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be
opened unto you' (Matt. 7: 7)." . . .

The rainbow about the throne is an assurance that God is true; that in Him
is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. We have sinned against Him
and are undeserving of His favor; yet He Himself has put into our lips that
most wonderful of pleas: "Do not abhor us, for thy name's sake, do not
disgrace the throne of thy glory: remember, break not thy covenant with us"
(Jer. 14: 21). He has pledged Himself to give heed to our cry when we come
to Him confessing our unworthiness and sin. The honor of His throne is
staked for the fulfillment of His word to us.

To everyone who offers himself to the Lord for service, withholding nothing,
is given power for the attainment of measureless results. The Lord God is
bound by an eternal pledge to supply power and grace to everyone who is
sanctified through obedience to the truth.

Nehemiah pressed into the presence of the King of kings and won to his side
a power that can turn hearts as rivers of waters are turned. [See Nehemiah 1
and 2.]

To pray as Nehemiah prayed in his hour of need is a resource at the command
of the Christian under circumstances when other forms of prayer may be
impossible. Toilers in the busy walks of life, crowded and almost
overwhelmed with perplexity, can send up a petition to God for divine
guidance. . . . In times of sudden difficulty or peril the heart may send up
its cry for help to One who has pledged Himself to come to the aid of His
faithful, believing ones whenever they call upon Him. In every circumstance,
under every condition, the soul weighed down with grief and care, or
fiercely assailed by temptation, may find assurance, support, and succor in
the unfailing love and power of a covenant- keeping God.

>From God's Amazing Grace - Page 157

Thanks AJ,

I just went to the familylife website. I just read a couple stories of couples who had struggled with infidelity. I can't stop crying. My WH so badly wants to change, but at the sametime I'm scared that it'll be a sham. He asks of me not to leave him to give him a chance. I guess we need more guidance, and of course that starts with our Heavenly Father. It's just been hard to recover with him being away. Some days I'm doing well, I'll smile more, and others, just like lately, all the pain resurfaces, and I start to think of D instead of R our M. But bless your heart for posting this... thank you again.

FAM5

P.S.
Have you posted a thread on here of your sitch that I can read?

Hi Fam, Mrs. AJ here.

The link to our story is in my sig line. You will find AJ is unrecognizable from the person in that story. There is lots of hope for you and your WH, also.

About 3 years ago I had to ask myself all the same questions, too. Ultimately I chose to give our M another chance, and by watching AJ's actions over the long term, it gave me the willingness to continue even when R was difficult.

Prayers for you and your H,
Neak

AJ great post again!

fam5

I just got to hop onto the PC after my daughter has taken a break from emailing friends and family after returning from entertaining some troops.

I had betrayed my DH while he was deployed and who is deployed right now ... it was just the lowest thing to do. We are recovered and its still not easy for me to accept my actions back then as being 'me'. But it was. However I am totally recommitted to my DH no matter what. His forgiveness and acceptance of me back into his life is and was a special gift.

What my DH said about divorce was this 'I can always divorce you if it doesn't work out ... you can always divorce me as well." See he saw it as loosing nothing but some time and effort to recover. He did not 'make' me do anything to help him recover either... I asked ... found out about ... was informed by a GOOD MC... of things I could do to help HIM. By helping him it helped me to recover. Even now things like a daily log I keep for him, not because he wants it but because it demonstrates my commitment. I have times when I am so ashamed that I did not fight hard enough to keep him in my heart when things got really hard.

I would only say this .. if you really want to recover your M and he at the very least says he wants to.... then put all YOU have into it ... yes there is a risk he is not really committed and you could be hurt ... absolutely ... but then you took that risk when you started to seriously date him way back when. But by putting all of YOU into it no matter what happens after.... you will know YOU did all that YOU could. Yes I know it sounds unfair.. that's because it is.... but its also how it is.

And recovery is NOT surrender or giving in. None of this is easy and you will want to scream at times ... that's ok come here and vent.

One very important thing .. GET A GOOD MC and probably a personal counsellor as well. A pro M one, some just want to 'help' you divorce. Why not try the Harleys here?

I pray you will find a way to try.

All the best

Hi AussieW,

WH and I have been in MC when he returned earlier this year. We did that for a couple of months staight, until kind of on short notice, he left again this past april, and isn't due back until towards latter part of june. Him and I have done a lot of reading on marital recovery. Our MC's were okay in the beginning, but after about a couple of visits with them, it wasn't helping. So after WH left this time around, I started a couple IC sessions with SH. So when H returns he'll have his sessions.

My struggles are dealing wiht recovery while he's away... it's beyond difficult. Just lately, I'd say especially this past week, I've been sort of regressing with my emotions(tears have returned).

Thanks for your reply,
FAM5

Sorry for part hijacking your thread AJ

fam5

yes it is VERY hard when they are deployed and you want to move on and try this or that.. discuss ... work through ... life just goes on hold doesn't it when they are deployed! There are moments even now when I am so ANGRY that he is deployed and need to channel that emotion into something else.

I concentrated on MY issues when he was away. My actions and MY thoughts which led to my failures in the M. Great to see you have SH on board. Now that is help.

Besides the great difficulty of having limited contact which was & is rare due to my H job.... I also did not want him to think about anything but his job because he could get himself killed. Yet it didn't stop me WANTING to get on with recovery and rebuilding our family. I just couldn't do it with him while he was away. Its not like working on a oil rig or a mine ... its VERY different as you know all too well.

FRUSTRATING!!!!!! Oh yes very very.

I had crying bouts and screaming bouts out of pure frustration and remorse. With a BS the reasons I suspect are a bit different but yet the results much the same. Strange isn't it?

Emotions go up and down and the deployment itself causes worry and anguish and you can get so ANGRY that he put you in this position. And that is very normal.
Recovery is very much as you will see here a roller coaster ride of emotions .... up and down all the time. It takes time ... a lot of time.

Tears because you feel the loss still of that 'special' relationship you had is not regression .. its mourning and don't be afraid of that. Its as painful as losing a child in many ways. Its real and it hurts.

Time ... fam5 .... time will help here and when I say time not weeks or even a month or two ... it may take a year or more. And yes it is cold comfort right now.

Different things work for different people. I prayed a lot... went back to church ..... painted rooms.... built patio's ... all at first so I could handle him not being there. But it also helped with the feeling of helplessness and being alone.
Prayer gave me comfort and strength.... the activities taught me some independence again .... I could survive without him but didn't want too of course. It helped give me confidence and determination ... I was going to fight for my man and heaven help anyone who got in my way!!

So you see... as low and as lost as you may feel right now .. that it's no use fighting for the M .... or its too hard ... or he's not there ... there are many who have done this. Hard yes but possible. Don't lose heart fam5 ... what you feel right now is ok. Its pain and it's hurt. Cry ... vent ... and pick up the pieces and get through the moment and then the days and the weeks.

And we here will pray and help where we can even if it lets you vent away.

Take care
AW

Hi AW,

Thanks for the encouraging words!! As you can probably tell, I get easily discouraged. My WH really wants to recover, and believe me, I do too. Even though I mention my frustration and sadness, well the hard work is "hard".

Out of all the books I've read on recovery and extra marital affairs... Torn Asunder is the book to help me through. I think I'm on chapter 8 right now? Not sure, but it is giving me clarity to the "why" and it's helping me out in putting myself in WH shoes and seeing it from his POV (it's hard, but the book is making it possible for me).

What really gives me a boost is scripture. I love reading scripture that tells me about marital recovery and how God hates divorce, it drives me and gives me a focus.

Neak,

I read a couple/few pages of your thread on your recovery, I'll will catch up on that a bit later... have to do some cleaning.

AJ,

Love that you're posting scripture. Wow, the Lord has done some GREAT work with your heart!! That's AWESOME!! It shows you that anyone can change for the better. God is GOOD!!

Take care,
FAM5

AW, I don't look at it as TJ'ing. I look at it as assisting with a very important task God gave us to do, by helping Fam out. And I hoped that you would come on and say something since you're in a similar situation with the deployment.